Denver Broncos: Tebow Is Not the Answer (Humor)

Vaden ChandlerCorrespondent IApril 26, 2011

DENVER - OCTOBER 24:  Quarterbacks Kyle Orton #8 and Tim Tebow #15 of the Denver Broncos look on from the bench during their 59-14 loss to the Oakland Raiders at INVESCO Field at Mile High on October 24, 2010 in Denver, Colorado. (Photo by Justin Edmonds/Getty Images)
Justin Edmonds/Getty Images

Ladies and gentlemen, I have finally decided that Timothy Richard Tebow is simply not the answer for the Denver Broncos at quarterback. 

Forget the fact that he is a born competitor that will do anything it takes to win. Forget the fact that he plays with a bloodthirsty attitude every time he is on the field. And most definitely forget the fact that he has exactly one more comeback win than Orton does, even if it was against the league's worst defense in the Texans. 

Let's face it, my friends, Mr. Tebow will never make it as a quarterback in this league. A fullback or tight end? Maybe. But if he stays at QB he will end like some other virtual unknown, and will be bagging groceries at your neighborhood Safeway, playing Arena ball in his spare time.

And although QB is the least of our worries right now as a Broncos team, it would be silly for us to worry about something that is, say, necessary, such as defense. Instead of that, the Broncos' brass should focus on the QB position. Forget Tebow, forget Orton, the answer at QB, as I would so humbly suggest to you, my dear reader, is ME. 

Yes, you read that right. I am the answer for the Broncos at QB. What are my qualifications, you might ask? Well...actually nothing. But I believe that I am the right person for the job. It's not Orton, it's not Tebow, it's me. I am Clark Kent, I am Superman and the Broncos will win the Super Bowl every year just by the sheer will of my awesomeness.

If the Broncos sign me as their QB, just think of the underdog inspiration that will result. It will be like David vs. Goliath, the Pats vs. the Rams, the Giants vs. the Pats, or [insert your own one-sided match-up here] all over again.

Mr. Elway, I am waiting for your phone call.

And while I am doing so, and being driven halfway-insane by the needless QB debate, I will be listening to "They're coming to take me away" by Napoleon XVI.

Call me, Elway. Let's do lunch.