Dear Fran McCaffery and the Iowa coaching staff,
My name is Geoff Estes. I am 25 years old, and possess a degree from the greatest university in the world: The University of Iowa.
I am 5'9" and weigh 170 pounds. I am white, and even with a decent vertical my arms are too short to touch the rim.
With all that being said, I think I would be a valuable asset to the Iowa Hawkeyes basketball team for the 2011-2012 season.
I noticed that you recently signed a 26-year-old named Anthony Hubbard. That really got me thinking about becoming his running mate next season, so let me list the advantages of bringing me on as a “locker-room” guy alongside Hubbard next year.
First, the downtown Iowa City nightlife, which has claimed so many promising Hawkeyes careers in numerous sports, is no threat to us.
I lived in Iowa City for four years prior to graduating, and by the end of my Iowa career I was more inclined to go to the early bird dinner at the Hamburg Inn than The Summit on a Saturday night. By the time most problems are arising downtown, me and Anthony will be just getting out of the latest Matthew McConaughey movie at the Sycamore theatres and getting ready to tuck ourselves into bed.
I should make clear: That's separate beds. Bunks, perhaps, but separate.
Secondly, I will be the prototypical “extra coach” on the floor (or bench). I recently finished coaching a seventh-grade basketball team for an inner-city school in Davenport, Iowa, and I feel that my experiences there have prepared me for a grueling Big Ten schedule.
Quad Cities middle-school basketball can’t be that much different than D-1, right? Hey, maybe you guys could even learn some of the plays we ran last year!
Unfortunately, in seventh grade we couldn’t apply a full-court press until the final two minutes of each half, so you may want to stick with your own press-breaker.
Third, many people have voiced hope that Hubbard, while 26, has a lot of potential just waiting to be tapped. He is a largely unknown commodity.
I too am largely unknown, except by the guys at the West Davenport YMCA. They know me as the guy who tries to take charges in pickup games. Another pro: I take charges, often because I can’t get out of the way in time.
A fourth benefit of bringing me back for a basketball career would be my “hook-ups” in Iowa City.
Lisa Bluder lay claim to the gym today and the Carver renovations not done yet? No biggie. I worked at the Iowa City Rec Center for years.
I could probably get us half the court (the other half is used for Jazzercise, and I'm sure not messing with those women).
Finally, all jokes aside, I can shoot and pass. I'm in very good shape; just ask the treadmills at the Y that turn off from overheating every day I'm in there training like a madman for the call.
Anthony Hubbard and I could be like the Jess Settles and…Jess Settles of this team. The elder statesmen who are seasoned and wise. Settles spent the better part of a decade in Iowa City and is still beloved.
Maybe we could be the same type of calming influence the guys need on and off the court.
I may not be able to play defense against Bryce Cartwright and actually contain him, but I can teach him a mean head fake and tutor the guys in French class.
I understand there's a limited number of scholarships to give out (Maybe just give me a graduate assistant job?), but I feel as though I have a lot to offer, and you should send one of them my way. Your recent signing of a 26-year-old Ju-Co transfer has really inspired me to pursue my dream.
If you give me a chance, I will step up the workouts I'm already doing. I'll even try P-90X and the jump-improvement shoes like Kramer wore on Seinfeld. I am willing to sacrifice.
Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to receiving my letter of intent in the mail in the coming weeks.
Iowa Alum 2010 (and maybe 2013 senior day guest of honor?)
P.S. I can’t be worse than John Lickleiter or Cully Payne, can I? Crap, I forgot they both "left" the program.