You ever watching a game and notice something that just makes you want to kill? Then odds are you have an anger problem, and you should probably be removed from society.
I'm talking more about things that annoy you.
Sports fans are a lively bunch, and understandably the various ways in which they find to express themselves might rub someone the wrong way—then again, some athletes find ways too.
Sometimes it's funny, and we can't help but appreciate the creative genius behind the act, but sometimes it just makes me want to kill!
Yeah, yeah, I'm removing myself from society.
Before I go away for a while, I'll be showing you 20 items in sports that annoy the hell out of me, in no particular order—I detest them all equally.
And just so you know, I'm feeling like a hater today.
It's not so much the mouthguard in itself; it's that it won't ever stay in his mouth. Not even during photo shoots—see photo.
I don't know if it's the fact that it's covered in saliva, more specifically, man saliva, that disgusts me, but the sight of it I could do without.
And he's not the only one. Guys seems to chew on their mouth guards more than they actually use them for their purpose.
You know, guarding their teeth.
You can pick from any number of objectionable things from the photo, but I'm here to talk specifically about his grill.
I can write a slideshow listing all 1,000 reasons why I hate Chad Ochocinco. I'll let you in on No. 752—his last name rubs me the wrong way. And I'm not too crazy about his first name either.
The latter is No. 753.
Men who do this to their teeth are not okay in my book. It looks ridiculous, and I find it to be incredibly immature. This is coming from a guy who once proposed that he could fart Sidney Crosby's beard off.
I know Chad isn't the only one who does this. Chris Johnson likes looking like a jackass too. It's part of the reason I think he's the second best running back in the NFL.
Adrian Peterson, baby. All. Day.
I'm a Cowboys fan. Always have been, always will be. And I won't lie; I got my popcorn ready when TO signed with my 'Boys.
I never ate it, though.
It's still sitting there, collecting dust, rotting away as much as popcorn can rot, wondering why it was ever popped into existence.
I see now that I should have taken his words literally. He only meant for me to get it ready—to cook. I went one step too far. I was supposed to put the bag in the microwave, wait for the team to get to the Super Bowl, then hit the start button.
Honest mistake. I guess this is my fault. I'm annoyed nevertheless.
That's 30 cents I'll never get back.
This would have made a lot more sense before he won the Super Bowl, but for the sake of argument, let's pretend he didn't for a second.
I thought it was arrogant, out of character and a bit premature considering he hadn't won anything yet. Then he went and won something.
Damnit. Though I was happy they beat the Steelers.
Even so, it's been done before. And that's why I find it annoying. Rasheed Wallace used to carry one too, and I'm sure there was someone who did it before him—and no, not in actual wrestling.
Fun is fun, but I sincerely hope he moves on from this.
This first requires a bit of background.
Power Balance provides bracelets that you wear that supposedly enhance your performance. No, seriously.
You can read their statement here.
To sum up, they don't actually say what the bands are supposed to do. There's just some crap about "holistic practices." Then, they top it off by saying that their bands are "helping people excel with a revolutionary technology."
What freaking technology? What exactly do they do? And, more importantly, how do they work—exactly? No wonder there was a lawsuit.
They admit they have "yet to fully document its benefits," though I'm guessing that could be hard as hell, considering it's a freaking bracelet.
And no, when Kobe Bryant hits a game winning shot, that's not an example of its benefits. He would hit those wearing a poncho.
Wait a second; has anyone invented the Power Poncho?
In stores now! Give me money!
This is slightly different from Brian Wilson's beard.
Wilson seems to go out of his way to be weird. On the other hand, Polamalu simply grows his hair out because he just doesn't care to cut it.
It's not a gimmick in other words. People have since come to make it one, but that's not his problem. It's not for shock value or to draw attention.
That being said, I wish his fans and teammates would cut back on the wigs—see picture. Yes, his hair is glorious, but must we draw attention to it every time we see it?
I know, this is textbook marketing. You find something people like and you run it into the ground. It's why I can't stand to look at Taylor Swift anymore despite my wanting to give her the business.
It's a very confusing feeling, but there was a time there where she wouldn't go away, and I'm afraid I soon might start to dislike Polamalu.
It's not the same type of confusing dislike, but you get the point.
And since we're talking about the Steelers...
I never understood this one. What exactly is a "terrible towel"?
Does it not get you dry? When I get out of the spa on a cold winter's, day should I not rely upon it to bring me warmth? Must I throw it to the ground and proclaim, "This is a terrible towel!"?
Seriously, look at it. It looks like a rich mans ShamWow!. I mean, I know it's legendary, but if you step back and think about it, it's just ridiculous.
And watching thousands of fans wave this thing around just annoys me. It hardly seems fitting for such a vicious defense.
Hold up; I think I get it. Tiger Woods has a cover for his driver that looks like a Tiger because he goes by the first name of Tiger.
You see, this is why I was an honors student.
There's something about a grown ass man running—oops, politely and quietly walking—around the golf course with a driver covered in some kind of tiger sock puppet that just seems childish.
Oh, you don't agree? He named it too.
Now if only he can introduce us to his imaginary friend. You know, the one that has been making his suck lately.
It's safe to say her name probably isn't Rachel.
I'm sure if you're a Packers fan, these are amazing. But I'm not a Packers fan, so I just see a person with a big block of cheese on their head.
In the eye of the beholder, I suppose.
I thought the point of wearing masks, novelty hats and costumes was to strike fear into the opposing team or at least distract them.
Instead, all they're doing is reminding everyone that Wisconsin is the home to great cheese.
I'm about to lay down a true story with you people, so listen up. It explains exactly why I hate this thing so much, as well as my psychopathology.
Rip Hamilton once single-handedly got in between me and a woman. Well, kind of. I blame him regardless. Seriously, no joke.
I was in my room on a bed with a cute girl. I was 17 years old, as was she. I was too much of a wuss to actually make a move, so I passed the time by watching TV. Then, I came across a Pistons game.
She actually noticed it before I did, but I'll never forget those words: "What is that guy wearing on his face?"
I leaned in to see what she was talking about, and then I saw it.
To say I laughed till I cried would be an understatement. All I know is she only found it funny for about 30 seconds, and just like that, I suspect she thought I was a weirdo.
I got no action that day, my friends.
Damn you, Rip Hamilton. Take it off already. It's the only way to break the curse. It's not like you need it anymore anyway.
I used to love wrestling. Not so much anymore, but back when Stone Cold and Mankind were kicking ass, I couldn't get enough of it.
At the time, I watched the WWF, but I would occasionally switch over to WCW and watch the old washed up wrestlers. And that's when I saw it—Sting and his bat.
I didn't find it annoying at first, but it would eventually hit a point to where I felt he relied on it. Like an alcoholic needs beer, Sting needed his bat.
It wasn't even a cool bat, either. It didn't have spikes glued to it or nothing. Just a bat. And he never even really used it.
The announcer would say, "It's Sting! And he's got the bat!" which was entertaining to a point, and highly accurate to boot. Then you realized it was never, "It's Sting! And he's tenderizing Hollywood Hogan with the bat!"
Use the bat, man! Sadly, I'm still annoyed after all these years.
For goodness sake, do these even do anything to distract the opposing team?
Can we get some stat guy to come in and figure this out? I'm thinking they have no affect whatsoever. They actually manage to distract me, and I don't think that's what the fans are going for.
Now how am I supposed to hit a free throw in my living room?
These things exist solely to make noise. And to entertain drunk people, I suspect. I propose we start using these to flatten the heads of the person in front of us.
You don't see too much of these around these days, but if you look hard enough, they're there.
I know they serve a practical purpose, well at least that's the idea anyway. Though it may just be all for naught.
With concussions being such a hot topic at the moment, don't be surprised if these things make a comeback and become a staple of the NFL.
I know I won't be looking forward to it. Though it would be funny to see what appears to be the Big Head cheat code activated.
That sounds strangely disgusting and sexual.
Cleveland fans totally used to love it, and then they totally started to hate it. Then they totally burned all his stuff and talked crap about him to all of their friends and coworkers.
Yep, James and Cleveland broke up in classic high-school relationship fashion. And it was exactly as funny and pathetic as you would think. Considering most people hate James now, you would think that he'd stop doing doing his powder toss, especially in front of his ex-girlfriend.
It's kind of a gross and dangerous thing to do anyway.
I'll tell you one thing, If I could get close enough, I'd steal the powder myself. It's not only that he stole it from Kevin Garnett, but it's not even that cool to begin with.
The year was 2008. The recently forgettable Dunk Contest was upon us, and Dwight Howard was set to dunk the contest back into its former glory.
And he would have, had he not worn that cape.
I wouldn't even say that I'm particularly hard to impress, but Howard wearing that cape just screamed "overplayed" to me. For goodness sake, he wasn't even the first Magic player to be called Superman.
Just ask Shaq, who's none too happy about it, by the way.
Let's break this down. Superman has super strength—sorry, real super strength—is invulnerable against most physical attacks, can fly, you know, consistently, and has super speed, breath, hearing and vision.
Just to name a few.
Howard, on the other hand, can't even expand his shot arsenal.
He hits shots inches from the rim. And only inches from the rim. Seriously, his shot arsenal consists of dunk, and almost dunk, with a side of dunk.
Just because a man has freakishly large shoulders doesn't make him Superman, and I sincerely hope that nobody is ever called this again.
And no more capes please.
Foam hands are for the beginner sports fan.
Just like when people say, "let's put on some reggae," they actually mean let's put on some Bob Marley because it's the only reggae they know, foam hands are bought because novice sports fans don't know any better.
They not only annoy the person behind them, they look retarded and establish your place as a newbie. Plus, they're bad for the environment, man!
I don't know how these things began, and I don't really care to find out, but I'd love to see them go.
Along with anyone wearing one.
This seems to be mostly a college thing. Makes sense, college students are highly excitable.
That's why they have to storm the court like they just won the damn lottery, despite the fact that it loses meaning every single time they do it.
God I hate when they do that.
Like the thundersticks, masks are intended to distract the other team, though they don't. They just make it harder for the cops to identify you after you go streaking.
I would love to see these disappear. Go ahead and go streaking though.
Oh, you're suddenly feeling insecure now, huh?
Clearly, I wasn't the only one bothered by these things.
Made infamous during the 2010 World Cup, vuvuzelas were responsible for hundreds, no, thousands of broken televisions.
British people were quietly tossing down their crumpets and tea—with dignity, of course—because the annoying sounds of those horns were interfering with their clapping.
And yes, I think that's all English people do. I live in a very limited world, okay? Now let's all go surf, dudes. California, woo!
I know I, for one, put my television on mute.
I don't completely hate signs—just stupid ones.
I know a lot of people like to think they're super smart, funny and clever, but odds are, you're not.
At least not as much as you think. I know it sounds harsh, but if we were all hilarious sitcoms would be alive and well and the Simpsons—as it currently stands—wouldn't suck anymore.
Some signs are hilarious, like the one pictured, and even that one was the result of a clever modification. But some are terrible, like this one. Believe me, I'm sure that man thought he was doing the world a service.
I suggest you have a panel review it. Ask friends, neighbors, your boyfriend/girlfriend, or Dave Chappelle if he's around.
Just be sure that what you're saying is worth blocking someone's view, or else keep it in your head.
Note: The picture featured does not reflect the views of those associated with Bleacher Report. J.J. Redick is neither "Redickulous" nor "gay," as far as we know.
Did you notice Brian Wilson had a beard? I didn't. I was too busy actually watching him pitch. You know, that thing his does for a living? I guess I was the only one.
If you can't tell, I don't fear the beard. In fact, I think he should shave it. In the meantime, I do my best to forget that it's even there, which wouldn't be hard, except there's all of those damn people in the crowd wearing fake beards.
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Somebody tell me that they agree with me here. Am I the only one who gets tired of things? Perhaps it's just me, but it seems like things remain "awesome" for far too long these days.
Whatever happened to leaving people wanting more?
See what I did there? You get it? Annoying? Her having clothes on is annoying, because she's hot.
Okay, thanks for coming.