Many might argue—and justifiably so—that Snooki’s involvement with the WWE, and her match at WrestleMania XXVII, was the worst thing to happen to the WWE since the inception of the PG era. However, it would be naïve to believe that WrestleMania XXVII is the last time we will see Snooki involved with the WWE.
If there is one thing a WWE fan knows, it is that Vince McMahon will do anything to make a profit. If he or anyone within the WWE believes that another go around with Snooki will result in a high level of media publicity and bolstered PPV buys, we can all count on seeing Snooki lace up her boots and take the fame train from the Jersey Shore back into the WWE Universe.
I will be the first to admit that in her match with John Morrison and Trish Stratus at this year’s WrestleMania, Snooki displayed a surprising amount of athleticism. That being said, the ability to perform a back handspring does not make someone a professional wrestler. One needs an extreme amount of athletic ability and guts to make up for a lack of charisma and in ring wrestling skills … just kidding. I still love you John Morrison.
This is a list compiled with realistic, humorous, and fantasy feuds we all would love to see Snooki partake in when the time comes for her inevitable return to the WWE.
According to the latest news gossip, the next season of the Jersey Shore—the show on which Snooki somehow became such an important figure in American (and world) culture—will be filmed in Italy. Italy also happens to be the old stomping grounds of WWE superstar Santino Marella.
It is unnecessary to point out the comedic possibilities between these two. If Santino can create comedy gold between himself, Vladamir Koslov, and Sheamus (search Santino’s Tea Party on youtube), I have full confidence that he can make us all pee ourselves laughing at his future interactions with Snooki.
I for one would absolutely love to see a segment or two between Santino and Snooki reminiscent of The Rock’s classic promos with The Coach. Santino possesses the comedic prowess to metaphorically, and possibly even literally, rip Snooki a new one. We can only hope to catch these two on screen together in the near future.
No, this is not cheating. Well, technically it might be, but that is beside the point. My reasoning for even suggesting a Santina return and feud with Snooki is entirely different than my reasons for a Santino/Snooki feud.
Some things, however, remain the same. The biggest of these reasons is Santino’s comedy ability. In my opinion, the man (or in this case, woman) is pure gold on the microphone and I see Santina possessing the ability to create magic with Snooki.
Believe me when I say that I would never willingly suggest a Santina revival. There are few things I have hated more in the WWE than Santino’s “Santina” character, despite Santina being portrayed as a face. However, the hatred for Snookie that lies within the WWE Universe runs deep. The WWE would need to pit Snooki against an even more hated figure to assure Snooki gets cheered and her opponent gets booed.
I believe a returning Santina could make this possible.
Remember what I just wrote about Santina Marella? Let me quote myself: “The hatred for Snookie that lies within the WWE Universe runs deep. The WWE would need to pit Snooki against an even more hated figure to assure Snooki gets cheered and her opponent gets booed.” Who, if I may ask, is more hated right now in the WWE than Vickie?
The boos John Cena gets or the amount of heat CM Punk receives holds no candle to the utter distain the WWE fans have for one Vickie Guerrero.
I realize that these two figures already bumped heads during Snooki’s first run with the WWE. Let me state, though, that while these two women were at odds, that feud also included five other people. What I am talking about here is a one on one, all out, drag em out brawl between Snooki and Vickie.
Yes, I understand that neither of these two know how to wrestler. Neither do Kaitlyn and Maxine, but that did not stop the WWE from putting these two in the ring together, the outcome of which being hands down the worst match I have ever had the unfortunate chance of seeing.
There are much better options than a Snooki/Vickie feud, but I felt it necessary to include Vickie on this list because it is, in my opinion, one of the most likely to happen should Snooki ever return to the WWE.
The amount of partying in which Snooki partakes is legendary. Even I am jealous. The woman gets paid massive amounts of money by MTV to party for crying out loud. She even wrote a book about her partying adventures, and it became a New York Times Best Seller.
I don’t mean to draw conclusions about what substances Snooki puts into her body, but come on. Would anyone truly be surprised to see her fail a wellness test?
Perhaps Snooki would be forced to turn to steroids to gain the muscle needed to take on the fierce competition that is the WWE Divas division. Or maybe her liver will up and quit from years of excessive alcohol abuse, causing doctors to force her into “retirement” from professional wrestling.
The point is this: If Snooki were to ever be subject to a WWE Wellness Policy test, expect the worst.
There are multiple reasons why we would all love to see Trish Stratus take on Snooki inside the squared circle.
For starters, Trish Stratus is arguably the greatest female wrestler of all time. Regardless of her many years spent outside of the WWE, the hurt she would be able to bring to Snooki would be stupendous. Which self-respecting professional wrestling fan wouldn’t want to see this happen?
The other reason I bring up a Stratus/Snooki rivalry lies with John Morrison, their shared partner in the six man mixed tag team match at WrestleMania XXVII. It has been well documented that Morrison gave Trish an extremely cold shoulder during and after the match.
During the post-match victory celebration, he used Snooki as a buffer between himself and Trish so that he would not be forced into hugging her or celebrating alongside her. Although this is in no way Snooki’s fault, there is no reason why this story cannot be twisted.
Imagine Trish attacking Snooki out of nowhere, blaming her for stealing Morrison’s attention and trying to outshine her in their match at WrestleMania. Not only would the WWE Universe welcome this heel turn with open arms, everyone would pay very good money to see Trish get even with Snooki.
Although Kharma, the rumored name for the ex-TNA Knockout Awesome Kong, has yet to debut in the WWE outside of some vignettes on RAW, there is no way she should be left off this list.
The reasons for wanting to see Snooki in the ring with Kharma are simple. Snooki would get absolutely obliterated. Yes, I know that wrestling is scripted with predetermined outcomes and when people are getting “hit” it is greatly exaggerated. It still hurts. A lot. And that is what so many people want to have happen to Snooki.
Whether Snooki wins, loses, or runs naked around the ring (which is something no one wants to see), I could care less so long as Kharma throws her like a rag doll up and down the arena for ten minutes. Kharma is the fiercest female wrestler this writer has ever seen, and it would be a shame to not see her lay the smackdown on Snooki’s candy ass.
Why these two didn’t see more of each other earlier this year is a mystery to me.
It is a storyline written all by itself. Anyone who has seen Ryder’s Z! Long Island Story videos on youtube knows the comedic ability and charisma Ryder possesses. The WWE should not be afraid of pairing up this celebrity with a lesser-known wrestler when that wrestler’s gimmick is the full embodiment of what that celebrity represents.
These two could feud over who is more “Jersey.” Ryder could claim Snooki ripped off his gimmick. Snooki could claim Ryder ripped off her gimmick. Ryder could get upset that Snooki blew him off during her first go around with the WWE. The two could even join forces and set out to convert the entire WWE Universe into the Jersey Shore.
I’m not including Ryder on this list because I’m a fan of his, but rather because if anyone deserves some face time with Snooki, it’s the Long Island Iced Z Zach Ryder.
DISCLAIMER: The following is a piece of humor and in no way do I think this will ever happen to Snooki. That being said, have fun with this. The following quotes are completely fictional.
Just imagine it. Snooki’s 15 minutes of fame is reaching its end. MTV has cancelled the Jersey Shore, Snooki is in and out of rehab, and she is completely broke. When all seems bleak for this one time adored American pop culture icon, she receives a call from Vince McMahon. “Hi Snooki. We want you back in the WWE.”
Before you can pump your fist five times, Snooki is gone in a flash and headed off to meet up with the WWE.
“Snooki, it is time for you to shoot your first promo,” a WWE official notifies Snooki. “I’m eating!” she fires back, with her mouth full of chicken and a hand wrapped around a large drumstick.
“Vince, I’ve tried telling her five times. She will not get up from the catering table.”
As Vince gets up from behind his desk, I must tell you about the hard times that have befallen our hero Snooki. She battles a heavy alcohol addiction and lacks the income to support herself, all because her television show got cancelled and she made some bad life choices regarding her financial situation. Speaking of the Situation, he took all of what Snooki had in their ugly, ugly divorce months back.
“I know you’re hungry Snooki,” Vince tells Snooki, “but if you want your paycheck from this company you will get up from this catering table and do what we tell you.” The resulting fight between these two icons would be one for the history books, as the 4’11’’ Snooki flew at Vince McMahon with a rage only made possible by the desire to sit undisturbed at the WWE catering table.
Needless to say, things did not turn out well for Snooki. However, from the scratches on Vince’s face and the tumultuous scene she caused, the WWE learned one important lesson: Never take Snooki away from the catering table.
It is Jeff Hardy all over again. CM Punk once against takes up his crusade against drugs and alcohol, but this time his arch nemesis hails from the Jersey Shore and does so much partying that even Charlie Sheen is jealous.
This feud, much like a Snooki/Zack Ryder feud, is already ready to happen. Snooki would most likely require some male support to do battle with the Straight Edge Savior, so enter the likes of Zach Ryder or some big name main-eventer that does not like Punk.
Likewise, Punk would require a female counterpart to pull off this rivalry. There is always the possibility of a returning Serena, but even a heel Diva on the current roster will do—Punk will be carrying this feud anyway.
The magic of this possible feud comes not from the conflicting lifestyles of a straight-edger and a heavy partier. No, it is much more than that. CM Punk has a strong hatred for much of what is popular in today’s American culture.
He is a man against excess, and excess is exactly why Snooki has become so popular in our modern culture. A feud between CM Punk and Snooki encompasses all of America—those who blindly follow trends and those who oppose them.
We all hate Snooki. This is no secret. We all have our reasons, but our hate is strong.
Should we ever witness Snooki return to the WWE, I fully expect a riot to occur within the Internet Wrestling Community. The badmouthing of Snooki has long been taking place across message boards the world over, but that is nothing compared to what we would witness upon another Snooki match in the WWE.
Such low, desperate grasps for rating should be left up to TNA—and relax TNA marks. I do not hate your company, but damn does TNA love to pull in obscure celebrities to try and boost ratings and gain exposure.
Whether this revolt occur simply through obscene message board posts, picking outside WWE events and at the Connecticut offices, or fans attempting to storm the ring upon a Snooki return, something will definitely happen.
I’m not saying that a Snooki return will be the total disaster that others would lead their readers to believe. Actually, if done correctly and given a proper rival (Punk, Santino, or Kharma would be more than fine with me), I would almost welcome a Snooki return.