After suffering through the Cincinnati-Notre Dame game last night, I've decided the Fighting Irish must be boycotted.
My boys and I were in agony, feeling like we were being subject to some sort of POW torture tactic.
And let's be serious: Mike Brey’s dorks aren't the only team that deserves a swift channel-flip. Here’s the list...
Duke
I already wrote an entire article about this excruciating team.
Update: The boycott is going splendidly! I can honestly say my life has improved dramatically just from not watching this collection of melvins.
Give it a try—you’ll thank me later.
Washington State
This team plays at a slow grinding halt of a pace—it’s the equivalent of sitting in the waiting room at the proctologist with a drunk Gilbert Gottfried.
If that weren't bad enough, it’s also a constant struggle just to look at these guys. First of all, the numbers on the back of their jerseys are bigger than their entire bodies. But the worst part is that this entire team is a bunch of lurches and bozos from who-the-hell-knows-where.
Watching the Cougars play is worse than watching Roseanne Barr do naked squat thrusts the morning after a late-night Taco Bell run.
Xavier
Never has a team climbed more backs and reached in more often than the Xavier Musketeers.
It’s like these guys have to have a hand on their man at all times. Hack, hack, hack—all game long with this.
Add to that the constant chest-pumping after regular layups against freakin’ Coppin State, and you get Sean Miller’s Squad De Annoyo.
I'd rather do a beerbong of rat poison than watch Xavier play another game.
Notre Dame
Oh God, where do I begin with this pack of chumps?
The Irish are basically like a bunch of 45-year-old guys you play against at the Y. With their two-inch verticals and dysentery-inducing jump shots, watching them play puts you on the brink of throwing yourself in front of a semi truck.
This Luke Harangody doof needs to pack up his antics and take them elsewhere. If you ever get stuck watching him play, make sure you have about 17 barfbags nearby.
Harangody's “jump shot” makes Juwan Howard’s look like Larry Bird’s. It also causes people to cry and contemplate self eye-removal surgery.
And his haircut?
I honestly can't come up with anything to explain just how castrating it is to look at.
Watching him play makes the Ebola virus feel like a foot massage from a hot chick.
Okay, the rant is over—but do yourself a favor and steer clear of these four teams this season. It will be the best self-help technique you've ever utilized.
11 comments Last one added about 1 year ago — Leave a Comment
Ben Allaire about 1 year ago
Only 4?
I would place both princeton and air force squarely on this list.
Given the amount of air time they get, a boycott should be easy.
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Sean Crowe about 1 year ago
I watched a BC game earlier this year...I've still yet to recover. I was bored, the fans were bored, Kansas was bored (scoring gets boring after a while)...it was harsh.
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Geoff Oliphant about 1 year ago
why is Duke a team to avoid. I watched them play FSU tonight and was more than entertained.
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Jux Berg about 1 year ago
Well then I'm VERY glad I don't know you.
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Gregory Salyer about 1 year ago
I dont really agree with the Xavier analysis. XU has some of the more talented players in the country. Sure, they've dropped a few games they shouldn't have but they destroyed a good Indiana team as well as good wins over Virginia, Auburn, Creighton and Beltmont. They had Tennessee beat but lost the game late. They have talent, they dont need to hack to stay in games.
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Jux Berg about 1 year ago
It's not about whether the teams are good... it's about whether or not WATCHING THEM PLAY causes your balls to feel like they're constantly getting flicked
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Nic Gulas about 1 year ago
Alabama deserves to be on this list. They are down right horrible. And thats just their offense, thats not talking about their grotesque free throw shooting.
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Michael Bell about 1 year ago
I'm guessing the Duke and Notre Dame hatred is more about the fact that you hate the press the schools receive (ND for football) more than anything. Both teams are actually entertaining to watch. You rag on the ND-Cinci game but ND scored 64 points in the second half! 64! They are #1 in the Big East in 3-Point percentage and #1 in assists and near the top in scoring.
So, I guess I'm not following....
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Jonathan Caliari about 1 year ago
Florida and Ohio St.
The game between those two was some of the worst basketball I've seen all year.
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Tori Willis about 1 year ago
do you seriously think wazzu is worse (slower) than princeton? i don't think they're that bad.
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Paul Gotham about 1 year ago
surely you jest
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