Snap, Crackle, and Pop: The Portland Blazers are the Rice Krispies of the NBA

Drew BartonAnalyst IOctober 9, 2008

Last year the Portland Trailblazers had the slogan "Rise With Us." This year, they were looking for a new slogan, one that echoed this year's theme for the team as well as last years.

They are soon expected to announce their new slogan. The real question on every Blazer fans' mind is not how many wins they will acheive this year but what that slogan will be. Rumors abound it will be a slogan referencing cereal.

"The Rice Krispies of the NBA. When you hear Snap, Crackle, Pop, think of us."

There is plenty of backing for this slogan. Let's look at the recent history of the Blazers.

*Snap* Greg Oden misses entire Rookie year with a knee injury.

*Crackle* Bone spurs cost Brandon Roy a handful of games.

*Pop* Plantar fasciitis costs LaMarcus Aldridge several games.

But that was last year. This year will be better.

*Snap* Key reserve Channing Frye out for eight weeks after surgery.

*Crackle* Starting point guard Steve Blake out for several weeks after surgery.

*Pop* Brandon Roy misses preseason time after arthroscopic surgery.

*Snap* Starting small forward Martell Webster out six to eight weeks with stress fracture of the fifth Metatarsal.

*Crackle* Rudy Fernandez sprains ankle in second pre-season game.

*Pop* One look at Oden's grill is all you need to know (yeah, I know, age-joke doesn't work here. It's an easy joke, just roll with it).

The question is not if there will be one, it is who it will be and for how long. I guess you could say these are serial instances (pun intended).

No team wants to be known as the Rice Krispies of the NBA. So I did some research into possible causes. Bad training methods? Bad workout methods? Overwork in practice? Nah, I am here to reveal the truth. I found the root cause. It is reminiscent of the Curse of the Bambino, of the Goat, of Steve Bartman...only worse.

Yes, Blazer fans, we have our own curse. The reason almost every notable player has foot, ankle, or leg issues has been traced to the source.

Tanya Harding.

Remember when the home-grown skating star hired those goons to club Nancy Kerrigan on the knee? Her actions have come back to roost. It is our own fault. All these years she has been hanging out in the area heaving hub-caps at boyfriends inside her trailer we have done nothing. Portland never formally apologized to Kerrigan. Portlanders laughed at Weird Al's Headline News and showed no remorse.

Kerrigan is getting her revenge. Much like Harding did her baby seal act on Kerrigan's knee when it mattered most, Kerrigan waited until the Blazers looked like they had a future before unleashing the knee-ding gnomes upon them.

So I ask the Blazer fans; how can we end the Kerrigan curse? Let us join together in coming up with something. Maybe at the Sunday pre-season game we could have an effigy of Tanya. Considering the nature of her crime we clearly cannot hang her in effigy. Maybe we can club her in effigy.

Before entering the Rose Garden, each fan should stop by, pick up a telescoping rod, and whack the knee of her effigy. It's the least we can do. And hey, even if it doesn't work, it has to be more fun that watching another Blazer go down.

Meantime, just start singing the song. Snap, Crackle, Pop, Rice Krispies.