Manchester City's Mario Balotelli: Embarrassing in Every Way

Mario Balotelli has embarrassed himself once more by claiming that he had never heard of Nemanja Vidic prior to his move to Manchester City.

Balotelli, who met his girlfriend Melissa Castagnoli on Facebook, and likes to wear giant gloves on his head, played against him for Inter Milan back in a March 2009 Champions League last 16 fixture; a game in which Vidic opened the scoring.

It also follows hot on the heels of his claim to have never heard of Jack Wilshere, made during his acceptance speech after being named the most talented player under 21 earlier this season.

Of course, Balotelli is a complete clown, and we have seen plenty of evidence this season to suggest that it’s not just other players that Balotelli has a hard time learning about.

Dartboards

When I get bored, I will sit down and try to find some football on the television, fire up Guitar Hero or slink off quietly for some special alone time with myself. When Mario Balotelli gets bored, he throws darts at youth team players.

It’s only a few weeks since Ashley Cole got in big trouble for shooting a work experience student with an airgun, but it appears that Balotelli hasn’t heard of him either.

The reports say that naughty schoolboy Balotelli was caught throwing darts at the youth team from a window on the first floor of Manchester City’s training complex, but are unfortunately short of details.

We do know that he is being disciplined for the incident in which nobody was injured, meaning that Balotelli presumably missed repeatedly.

If only there was a specially designed target for darts, incorporating a structured scoring system with a safe, soft background into which the darts can embed themselves.

Fireworks

Shortly after Mario moved to Manchester, he discovered fireworks.

Fireworks aren’t a big deal in Italy but, unbeknown to Balotelli, we set off millions of them a few times a year to celebrate various things.

You can almost picture him, wide eyed in wonder, the first time he saw a rocket explode in the night sky.

The smart kid that he is, he is rumoured to have raced straight out and spent £1500 on fireworks, only to return home and discover that there were one or two problems.

Namely, he had never set off fireworks before, and he lives in a Manchester city center apartment.

Instead of giving it up and going to bed, Mario decided instead to set them off on his balcony. A police caution followed. Let’s hope he never goes to Disneyland. He’d never handle that display.

Prisons

A story that does the rounds in Italy involves Balotelli and his brother driving around Brescia, a city near Milan, presumably whilst bored.

After happening upon a women’s prison, they did the only thing that makes sense—attempted to break in.

Presumably unaware as to the nature of prisons and what they entail, they were able to drive through the open gates and on into the compound.

However, they were rumbled after a guard spotted a high-power Mercedes crawling around the courtyard, and Mario and his brother were taken in for questioning.

They admitted entering, claiming that they did not know special permission was required and that they were especially curious as it was a women’s prison.

Half an hour later they were released, scared and confused, and told never to return. It would appear that Mario has been doing everything in his power to be sent back to prison ever since.

Grass

Hay fever is one of the most common allergies in the world. If you’ve got it (I am fortunate enough not to, touch wood) then you’ll also know how unpleasant it can be.

You also know that you’ve got it. A cold winter night in Kiev is not when you discover that you’ve got it.

Unless you’re Mario.

Balotelli began his one man mission to destroy City’s Europa League campaign in the Kiev away leg.

After Andrey Shevchenko’s opener, Balotelli began to feel “unwell”, with his face “swollen”. Whilst it is not uncommon for Balotelli to suffer from an inflated head, he claimed to feel genuine discomfort during the match, and was subbed off.

One can only assume that he confused one of the Kiev players for the groundsman, being sent off for a vicious kung-fu kick.