Elin Nordegren, Amar'e Stoudamire, Colin Cowherd and the weekend's B/R Swagger Buzz are here for all of you Bleacher Report faithful.
You may have had your eyes glued to March Madness action this weekend. That is no excuse for missing out on some Swagger news. Here, we recap all the stories that you may have missed. Shame on you.
Elin Nordegren is in the news. She has a brand-new house right by former husband Tiger Woods. The multi-million dollar home is but a mere 10 miles from Woods. If you want perspective on the situation, I am full of it. Perspective that is.
Amar'e Stoudemire is feeling the swagger. He says that anytime he puts on his fancy wardrobe, it elevates his game. It may also help your swagger if you are worth over $100 million.
Colin Cowherd will have his very own sitcom, sort of. CBS is in the works to develop a new show starring Damon Wayans. Wayans' character will be based on the acerbic sports talk show host.
All of this and more are only a click away. This is going to be a fantastic week. What better way to start it than with me? Actually, don't answer that.
It must be tough to put the pieces back together sometimes. We have all gone through trying times in our own lives. Just imagine having to play out your worst moment under the biggest spotlight imaginable. That is what Elin Nordegren has had to do.
The former Mrs. Tiger Woods has a brand-new home. It happens to be right by, you guessed it, Tiger Woods. The model purchased a new home in Palm Beach, Florida. It happens to be only 10 miles from Woods' new $50 million mansion on Jupiter Island.
Elin's abode only cost $12.2 million. I guess she wanted something a bit more sensible. I can only assume that the proximity works for the couple as they raise their children. Like him or not, it is a blessing when kids get to see their dad.
Speaking of dad, Woods also got something new recently: a new girlfriend. The golfer has a new girl on his arm. He has been dating her for a few months, and we are only just now finding out. This guy is really good at keeping secrets.
Multiple media outlets are reporting that Tiger has been dating 22-year-old college student Alyse Lahti Johnston. You can see a mugshot picture of her here.
Yes, I said mugshot. Johnston was arrested last year on suspicion of DUI. I am surprised that Woods found the one girl that would still actually talk to him. That is simply amazing. The only thing he needs now is to remember how to hit a golf ball.
So Elin has her house. Tiger has his girl. Life goes on, it seems.
Some players just need to look good off the court. Some NBA stars care just as much about how they look out of the locker room as they do on the court. This is nothing new.
Walt Frazier was showing off his expensive wardrobe long before the current stars were even born. As it were, we have a new generation of strut. Their leader may be the ever-cool Amar'e Stoudemire.
The Knicks center recently told Vogue's Hamish Bowles why fashion is so important to him. The interview will feature in the April issue.
He states, "When you put your fashion on—you know, your tailor-made suits or bow ties and fedoras— you feel like you're swagger. You feel elegant and rich."
That may have something to do with it. I would also like to think that his Maybach 62S, Bentley convertible and $37,500-a-month penthouse apartment would also make him feel "rich." Stoudemire is always one to indulge in fine garb.
His press conferences and interviews sometimes look more GQ photo shoot than anything else. It is the James Bond effect. The guy is so damn cool that you can't help but want to be him. That is what fashion is all about, making others jealous of your style.
Stoudemire is in the perfect situation to flaunt the good stuff. He is in the heart of American pop culture. He is a high-flying player in an up-tempo offense.
The best part is that the Knicks don't suck anymore. Could this guy's life be any better?
If you want bigger-than-life personalities, you need not look further than the world of sports pundits and commentators. If you flick on the radio and turn it to the sports radio station, you will be greeted by shouting voices as well as unwavering opinions.
It makes sense. This is what fires people up. The most controversial voices tend to draw the spotlight a bit easier.
No one is more opinionated than Colin Cowherd. The guy has thoughts on the sports world, and he will let you in on every single one of them.
Whether you love him or hate him is inconsequential. The man draws a crowd, and CBS wants in on some of that magic.
CBS is set to tape a sitcom based on sports talk radio. It will star Damon Wayans in the lead role. The interesting part is that the lead is based on none other than Colin Cowherd.
Wayans' character is named Nick Herd, and he will be just as acerbic as the original Cowherd. Meanwhile, Colin will serve as producer of the show.
There are a great many sports fans that cannot stand Colin. I, for one, quite enjoy him.
He is funny, intelligent and quick-witted. Most of all, he is opinionated. I am not saying that I agree with everything he has to say. He happens to have a different way of looking at situations. It is refreshing to get an alternate perspective every once in a while.
Even if it causes you to yell at your radio.
I love, love television. Anything can happen. One minute you are watching an NBA game; the next a melee ensues, or a fat kid in a purple t-shirt gets on TV. These are the special moments that make me smile.
Well, we had quite the scare recently. And by scare, I mean something epic almost happened. Ben Higgins was reporting for 10News in San Diego recently. He was about to launch into the recent victory by the San Diego State Aztecs.
As he sets up the story, an SUV begins to back up. At first, the viewer cares little about the truck. It is far away and looks too benign to be noted. But the SUV just keeps on backing up. This is when I lose the Fiddle-Faddle that I am throwing down my mouth.
I lean forward and exclaim, "look, this guy is going to get nailed."
You never want to want your fellow human being to be in harm's way, but this was just too implausible to be true. Why was no one screaming into his ear piece? How come the driver didn't see a film crew with bright lights on?
Why didn't I record the news?
All of these questions come rushing at me when his camera operator decides to play the role of urban hero. He bangs on the truck. It stops. Danger averted.
I have to commend Higgins for carrying on like a consummate professional. I would have wept and then had to change my pants. The guy almost gets hit by an SUV, and he just continues with the news like nothing happened.
Higgins is a man's man. Not even potential death can steer him from duty. What a baller.
When things go bad for certain players, we laugh. For others, we cringe. It is a mystery to me what attributes yield which responses. All I know is, Mario Balotelli is one funny dude.
The first chance we ever had to laugh at the Manchester City player was in the posted video. Balotelli can't figure out how to put on a shirt. It seems the trouble begins and ends with his right arm. I will give him a little leeway as soccer players do not use their arms.
Well that was not the end to his misery. His team eventually lost their Europa League matchup with Dynamo Kiev. Balotelli was not on the pitch when the game ended. He was taken off with what has been called an extreme allergic reaction.
City manager Roberto Mancini had this to say, "Mario had an allergy, I don't know what, his face was swollen, I don't know why. He wanted to play in the second half but he had this problem 10 seconds before coming out."
The allergy may stem from one type of grass on the field. Either way, keep Balotelli off of the grass and away from bibs. Both are proving to be hurdles for this finely tuned athlete.
Now if you don't mind, I will be watching Mario not put a bib on for the 100th time this weekend.
If you are anything like me, you did little else but watch college basketball this weekend. If you are anything like me, you did so while being surrounded by copious amounts of snacks.
Sidebar: When does a bag of Doritos stop being a snack and become a meal?
March Madness began in earnest late last week. This led to an extreme number of basketball enthusiasts mysteriously calling in sick on Thursday and Friday. This lead to an extreme number of hoop fans becoming immediately depressed over their bracket's death.
Well, I have just the thing for you. It is the best moment in the NCAA tourney transformed. It is now presented in Lego form. Why? Who cares.
Here is a story that has a dash of superhero melodrama. Jon Jones was to fight in UFC 128 over the weekend. However, he had some business to take care of before the fight began.
Jones and two of his comrades were witnesses to an ensuing robbery. Instead of ignoring the act, or merely calling the police, the crew decided to take justice into their own hands. They approached the robber, who immediately fled the scene.
Jones, who is 23 and in fine condition, ran down the robber and "foot swept" him to the ground. The modern-day Batman nabbed his villain.
It was then time for him to get to his fight, which he won. That makes my Saturday of cartoons and cereal seem a tad bit childish.
Times are tough. Many of us have to keep two jobs just to stay afloat. The key is to find a second income that does not necessitate a felony.
Kevin Provencher was a sportswriter for the New Hampshire Union Leader. That wasn't enough for Provencher. He had loftier aspirations, it seems.
The Associated Press had the following release.
"Massachusetts prosecutors say Kevin Provencher was sentenced to 1 to 2 1/2 years after pleading guilty Friday in Salem Superior Court to deriving support from a prostitute, procuring a person into prostitution, solicitation for prostitution and witness intimidation.
Prosecutors say the 52-yea-old Provencher, of Manchester, N.H. advertised prostitution services on Craigslist and other websites. They say he rented a hotel room in Andover, Mass. and locations in New Hampshire, where the women would have sex for hire.
Ah, Craigslist. Where would the dregs of society congregate without you? Not to worry; Provencher could be back to writing up high school teams in about a year.