NFL Lockout: Roger Goodell's Letter and Reading Between His Lines

So, we all know Roger Goodell sent out that one letter, right? Right.

Also, we know that this NFL lockout is really a huge, frustratingly annoying joke. Kind of like armpit farts, except worse.

However, there are things in that letter from NFL commissioner Roger Goodell that sound pretty weird, almost like he was sending a subliminal message. I mean, we all know what he's thinking, and the dude isn't exactly likable, anyway, so it doesn't really matter what he meant.

Still, it's good fun. So let's read between the lines, shall we?

What Roger Goodell said: "As you know, negotiations between the NFL Players Association and the clubs have not led to an agreement. Last Friday, the NFLPA walked out of the federal mediator's offices in Washington, told us that it had abandoned its right to represent you as a union, and filed a lawsuit. Some hours later, the clubs instituted a lockout."

What Roger Goodell meant: "So, you guys know what the hell is going on. I just have to put this in there so you know I'm talking about the lockout, and not your recent arrest and/or suspension. Just being concise."

What Roger Goodell said: "We want you to understand the offer that we made to the NFLPA. The proposal was made to avoid a work stoppage. Each passing day puts our game and our shared economics further at risk."

What Roger Goodell meant: "Maybe you guys just don't get what we offered. I liked the deal. Either way, every day, my salary is stuck at one dollar. Do you idiots honestly believe poppa can bring home the bread without some dinero? Let's get this done already so I can get my eight-figure salary."

What Roger Goodell said: "Working together, players and clubs have made the game great. Our fans want us to find common ground, settle our differences and come to a fair agreement."

What Roger Goodell meant: "I think I'm responsible for the popularity of this game skyrocketing over the past decade. Also, the fans aren't liking me too much, and never really have. Seriously, I'm getting a bad rep, and you all are screwing it up even more!"

What Roger Goodell said: "Our goal is to make our league even better than it is today, with the benefits shared by all of us."

What Roger Goodell meant: "Seriously. I have a one-dollar salary, and there's $9 billion sitting there. ONE DOLLAR!"

What Roger Goodell said: "I hope you will encourage your union to return to the bargaining table and conclude a new collective bargaining agreement."

What Roger Goodell meant: "ONE FREAKING DOLLAR!"

(You can also read this and other not-suitable-for-Bleacher-Report content—as well as our weekly podcast—at the NFL Blog and Podcast: The Pigeon Toe.)