Miami Dolphins running back Ricky Williams recently admitted having to fight the urge to take a hit on a blunt. Or bong. Whatever floats his boat. The team was on a bye, and he was free to do whatever he wished.
Ain't America great, Ricky?
He told the Miami Herald that when the Dolphins had a bye, "automatically your mind, which is so constrained since training camp began...says, 'I'm free, what can I do?'"
True dat Ricky!
It's amazing that he thinks about his freedom when he has already been officially caught "free" four times in the NFL. But surely, those were accidents, and he has been "cured," right?
"I'd be lying if I said I'm never going to do it again after I'm done," he said. "I don't know. I don't spend much time thinking about it."
Oh, Ricky, you're so fine, you blow my mind, hey Ricky!
But he does spend time thinking about it. In fact, the second he has any kind of freedom he's already deciding which munchies he'll be stocking up on before he expands his mind. And lungs.
Williams, by his own free admission to the press, has become the official poster child for smoking dope. Not that there's anything wrong with that. (Seinfeld fans, sorry, but it's a great line.)
Having a blunt in Cali is a freaking ticket, after all.
But hey, Williams likes his dope. Williams lives for dope. Williams will be smoking dope when he retires. That's his deal. It'll probably be legal by then anyways. Move to Cali, Ricky—we wouldn't notice one more stoner there.
Is Williams the only one resisting the urge?
Don't count on it.
Charlie Weis is probably resisting the urge...to punch me in the mouth after I said his team would not win nine games. Six more to go Charlie, and have at it, big guy.
Chase Daniel is fighting the urge to clear some mantle space for some new hardware. Hold off, young man: D-Mac and Vince Young did the same housecleaning and it didn't work out.
Pete Carroll is fighting the urge to call up Norm Chow and offer him double whatever the powder blue is paying him. Oh hell, whatever he wants.
SEC fans probably are resisting the urge to call me an SEC hater because I think some teams in that conference are ranked too high. Dang it! Last weekend was kind of a damper, wasn't it?
Saban is probably resisting the urge to talk about his tough path. Then again, it worked for Les. Nick, we await your speech with open arms and speakers. I'm listening.
Is this the year Mangino talks about his tough path? Is he resisting the urge? Any urge?
Phil Fulmer is resisting the urge...oh stop, Phil can't resist an urge. Phil has a coach-for-life contract. Well, not really, but ask any Vols fan about Phil's extension and Rocky Top will be replaced with Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Penn State fans are fighting the urge to scream anything remotely close to "Miami in January." They know better, don't they? Michigan awaits.
South Carolina fans are fighting the urge to boycott games, but college football would be a vacuum without "Go Cocks Go," wouldn't it?
USC fans are fighting the urge to take Oregon and the 16.5 points against USC. Don't give in to the Dark Side—unless you want to make some coin this Saturday.
Touchdown Jimmy Clausen is fighting the urge to rent a white Hummer again and hold a press conference saying, "OK, now let the hype begin."
Longhorns' fans are resisting the urge to make their uniforms more orange and less burnt-looking, because so far, nobody is paying attention to them.
The Idaho Vandals' fans are resisting the urge to boycott all Vandals' games because their cheerleaders' uniforms were deemed too short and risqué. Dang, those poor folks have nothing to look forward to, do they?
Raiders fans are resisting the urge to hire some little men in white coats and have Al Davis committed.
Me? I'm resisting the urge to drink some of that Big 12 Kool-Aid. It looks pretty tasty—damn tasty. There are different flavors: Sooner Red, Burnt Orange, Mizzou Black, and the always-refreshing Kansas Blue.
My mind is so constrained during the week.
I don't know if I can fight it. I'll do my best. But on Saturdays, I'm free. And sometimes these urges can't be stopped.
Pass the Kool-Aid.