Greetings from the frozen tundra, friends!
Where did we leave off? Let's have a brief recap of events that occurred recently.
Still snowing in Wisconsin? Check.
While it hasn't been snowing continuously, it has been sporadic. Mother Nature has proven to us, yet again, that she's the master of snow drive-bys, leaving hit-and-miss snow showers along with ice, sleet and snow.
March is going in like a lion and will more than likely try to maim the majority of the state before April begins.
While this winter has seemed particularly brutal, the citizens of Wisconsin have reached a collective agreement that we will not be broken by the weather.
Three inches of ice on the roads? That's nothing! Schools will no longer be cancelled, as we've figured out that buses travelling on ice, if the brakes are applied correctly, can slow down enough that children can safely jump off as it gracefully slides by their home or school.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
Still political unrest in the state? Check.
A judge ruled that the protesters that have been shacked up inside the Capitol in Madison had to leave so the building could be cleaned. It's been reported that it was beginning to smell somewhat like a locker room after a particularly hot, brutal game.
Senate Democrats have still not returned to Wisconsin and are no longer able to receive their paychecks unless they come to Madison.
It has also been rumored that they've turned in their cheeseheads and may be wearing Chicago Bears clothing in an attempt to "blend in" while residing across the border. This may be to avoid pesky run-ins with the state patrol that would bring them back to Madison, but that is also unconfirmed.
However, if said Senate Democrats were found inside the borders of Wisconsin wearing Bears-themed clothing, there probably would be more carnage.
A recommendation? Change clothes when you cross the border, please.
Do we have an agreement between the NFL players and owners? As of this writing, nope. The saga continues, friends, much to the chagrin of this football fan.
A.J. Hawk was released from the Packers (NOOO!!!) and re-signed (WOOO!!!). This Packer fan freaked out (normal) and then was gently reminded that this was going to happen (whoops!).
So, in an attempt to shake myself out of my football funk, I have decided to write. Ahh, yes, friends, you get to be in the passenger seat, along with me, in an attempt to shake the winter/offseason blahs.
I am a female from Wisconsin who was taught to drive by two females from California. Please buckle your seat belt, turn on the beach bum music of your choice and take a sedative while we read the observations of a bored football fan.
Living in Wisconsin pretty much means that you have to watch the Packers. Even fans of other teams who aren't willing to part with their cash to get NFL Season Tickets watch Packer games.
They may complain while watching Packer games, much to the amusement of their friends and family, but they still watch them.
Hey, they might even have an unspoken respect for the Pack! The fans of other teams, additionally, may find that they are the constant target of gentle ribbing by Packer fans at work, school and, possibly, home, but it's all in good fun.
However, the motivation level of Packer fans to provoke fans of other teams is undeniable.
This was proven to me while Manpig and I were driving through La Crosse this week. Per usual Manpig protocol, I was directed to ride shotgun as he believes that if he is seen in the passenger seat, with me driving, his street cred as a dude would be ruined for life.
Therefore, he drives. I sit in the passenger seat clinging to the dashboard for dear life.
Manpig doesn't so much drive as aim for his destination. If there are other cars in front or beside him, they better move, or they will be counted using the point system.
For example: "Hey honey, when I swerved into that guy's lane and he swerved to miss me, his car rolled over three times and only one of the tires flew off! Ten points to me!"
Yes, Manpig should have lights and sirens on his vehicle so others on the road could pull over as he approaches. He drives like his mother, so this may be genetic.
Anyway, I noticed, for the first time, that if there's a Minnesota Vikings fan who lives in a neighborhood, there's a higher percentage of Packers memorabilia located around the Vikings fan's home.
For example, I saw one house with one Viking flag proudly displayed on the porch. EVERY SINGLE HOUSE surrounding this house had Packers flags flying in the breeze. One neighbor of this poor Vikings fan actually had a huge "G" sign directed towards the Vikings fan's house. And the "G" lit up.
I would not be surprised if every evening, when the Vikings fan returns home from work, his friendly Packer-fan neighbor lights up the "G," comes out of his house in every single article of Packers clothing he owns (cheesehead is a given, Packers boxers are optional), with a beer in hand and dances with wild abandon around the sign, while yelling, "Go Pack, go!"
Yes, friends, it could, and possibly does, happen. We live in Wisconsin, where there's snow on the ground for over 60 percent of the year.
We have a LOT of free time on our hands to think up creative ways of expressing ourselves.
Additionally, some of us view the Packers fans, players and staff as part of our family. For example, anyone of Norwegian descent could view Ted Thompson, who may be Norwegian based upon his last name, as a cousin. A conversation with my elderly grandparents proves this observation.
"Yah, Ted Thompson is a good guy."
"Ted Thompson? Is that Joe Thompson's son?"
"No, I don't think so, Grandpa."
"Well, who's boy is he then? Ed's?"
"Nope, he's not from around here, Grandpa."
"Well, is he Norwegian? He's a Thompson!"
"I don't know, Grandpa. He's the GM for the Packers."
"Uff da, well is he coming to the family reunion?"
"No Grandma, I don't think so."
"Well, he should at least be invited! He could be a relation!"
Yup, we extend an open invitation to Ted Thompson to any future family reunion that my family may have. I should warn you, Ted: the last reunion was held fifteen years ago and my little community has not been the same since.
Imagine this: 400-plus very Norwegian-looking (extremely tall, mostly blond) people drinking beer in the hillsides of Western Wisconsin. Hey Ted, if you do agree to attend, you may want to bring the Packers defense with you. They'd fit right in.
General mayhem does occur and great fun is had by all! Beer sales skyrocket, bar owners send their kids to college based upon their weekend revenues—you get the idea.
So, yes—no CBA, no agreement in Madison, it's still winter and too much free time. I think that sums up this week for me, and possibly you as well.
I hope you all have a good week!