Well just like your girlfriend's Aunt Flow it's back! It's that time of month again, the day after a WWE pay-per-view.
That means I'll be handing out pointless awards. Elimination Chamber had its ups and downs last night. We saw some returns and some solid matches. Let's get the Golden Chamber Awards under way!
HOLY SH...COW MOVE OF THE NIGHT
Now I know what you are thinking. It has to be JoMo scaling the roof of the chamber.
NOPE! Moments before being eliminated, Morrison did something far more impressive, in my book.
He was being set up for the catapult into the pod by CM Punk but he used his Spider Man power to catch himself on the pod, jump from the pod to the side of the chamber and kick Punk's head off.
Don't get me wrong, going upside down on the roof was cool, but this was some crazy athleticism. John Morrison is ridiculous!
Stop that, you're embarrassing yourself. Award
The winner is...well it's a tie between John Cena for his Fruity Pepples, Trish Stratus for that terrible promo and Jerry Lawler and The Miz for actually having that match.
All are winners...in a sense.
Granted, Trish made up for it for showing us she can wrestle better in 6" heels than most of the divas in proper ring attire...also we saw her thong.
I'M BACK! Award
Obviously, this is going to Captain Charisma.
Christian made his long awaited return to save Edge from Alberto Del Rio, following the SmackDown Elimination Chamber match.
Ok Vince, did you hear the crowd? They freakin' love Christian!
Now, give him a shot at immortality, give him a shot at the big gold belt. All in favor of Del Rio/Christian? Edge for the title at WrestleMania, say "I"...I!
Wade Barrett, Rey Mysterio and John Morrison all get this award for going through the pods...multiple times.
Rey might have gotten worst of all because he got launched head first.
I don't care what anyone says, it can't feel too good going through one of those things. Kudos to all of these guys for going through and toughing it out.
That was Awesome! Award. Presented by Lego
Different from my first award. This one goes to something that helped made the event a success.
The winner is...NO DIVA'S MATCH!!!
Well Kelly and LayCool fought, until Trish came out. Despite a misstep (don't worry Layla gave her a helping hand) Trish looked better than most the of the current divas, and she was wearing heels. Without a 4 minute diva match for a bathroom break (I went during a different match), I got to see some Stratusfaction.
You guessed it. Lawler and The Miz for the WWE Championship.
This is the match I during which I took my bathroom break. I think my roommate said it best when he returned from his bathroom break: "Why is this match still on?"
What do you get when you mix a 61 year old man and a guy who isn't a very good wrestler?
You get Lawler vs. The Miz.
It was was slow, boring and predictable. Please God, no more King in matches! Congrats guys, you were worse than a Tag title match featuring Santino...bravo.
I considered Del Rio and Kofi. However this goes to the SmackDown chamber match.
It had a good flow to it (aside from Big Slow being in it). Just really solid work from all the guys in it.
I thought Rey had lost a step, but he came to play. All six men entered into the match and he saw guys battered and beaten, the likes of which we haven't seen in a long time.
Drew McIntyre showed why he is the Chosen One and Edge continued to impress. Post match got even better when Christian returned. Good, solid match!
That's it for these awards. I am thinking for WrestleMania, I will do something special and let you all vote. Yes! The WrestleMania Bleachers' Choice Awards.
I will post the categories and the nominees and you all vote. Later in the week, I will post the results. Thanks for reading and feel free to post comments and hand out your own awards below.
Wait! Did I forget to mention someone? Oh! Where was Zack Ryder? Woo woo woo, you know it!