Toomer's Corner Poisoning Not "Revenge" For Silly Pranks On Alabama's Campus

Nathan Deal@@NateDawgAUCorrespondent IFebruary 19, 2011

While visiting the Auburn community page on Bleacher Report, I noticed an article by a grumpy Alabama fan that...well, you might want to look for yourself.

This atrocious attempt at journalism was written by an Alabama fan who is supportive of the poisoning of Toomer's Corner because, apparently, a water balloon and a bomb do the same amount of damage.

Make sure you're standing up while reading this because you'll sit down once you realize just how bad the article is.

I know, it wanted to make you rip your eyes out of your sockets.

It's good proof that Harvey Updyke is not the only Alabama fan who isn't sorry for the Toomer's poisoning like the good fans of that fan base would try to make you believe.

Anyways, the mentioned article tries to justify the poisoning of the traditional gathering place for Tigers fans by comparing it to...get this....TAPING A CAM NEWTON JERSEY TO THE BEAR BRYANT STATUE.

You ever read something so stupid you just have to laugh at it instead of be angry?

Anyways, apparently planting rye grass and taping a Cam Newton jersey to "Bear" Bryant is the same as killing a tradition that's as old as the university itself and potentially poisoning the community's water supply.

Does this writer forget that Alabama isn't innocent?

What about the "rogue" DJ who played "Son of a Preacher Man" and "Take the Money and Run" at the Iron Bowl?

He was fired because, apparently, he was simply making a joke that wasn't approved of. However, the Tuscaloosa News reported that the board approved the playing of the demeaning songs and simply made the guy who pressed the buttons their sorry little scapegoat.

The songs were referring to the NCAA investigation into Auburn QB Cam Newton's recruitment by Mississippi State.

Sorry, but Alabama has made their bed in this, whether the 90 percent of fans that are nice and polite like it or not.

Also, is it reasonable to compare taping a jersey to a statue and planting some rye grass outside of the stadium to poisoning a sacred place and leaving a scar that will never be removed?

I'm not sure how many of you have seen the smash hit Avatar, but if you have seen it it will be easier to relate.

There is a scene where the sacred trees to the natives, or the "Na'vi", are all torn down by the humans in gigantic machines. In the trees were the souls of past family members and friends, and there the natives could communicate with them.

I'm not getting off-topic at all, because then we get to see how the natives react to the horrible deed. The shocked, sad look on their faces said it all.

They weren't just trees.

What these trees meant to the Auburn fans can't be described in words, but I guess I can try.

Toomer's was a place of celebration. It's where complete strangers became the best of friends. People have become engaged under those trees.

You could roll Toomer's after smashing the helpless team that took on the Tigers and have a nice glass of the world's greatest lemonade at the same time.

If you've been to Auburn recently, you don't feel that anymore. You don't feel the happiness and joy. You feel depressed, sad, angry at the world, etc.

The warm fuzzies have become cold knives, which have been thrust right into the heart of any individual who titles themselves as a faithful follower of War Eagle.

But NOOOOOO..... It's not like that's worse than taping a jersey to a statue of a bear-wrestling drunk who was a good coach.

That's sarcasm folks. It's easily 999,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times worse.

I'm not quiet sure what number that is, but all I know is poisoning Toomer's is that much worse. It's also that much worse than rye grass.

Alabama fans, I know 90 percent of you are loyal, polite, apologetic and eager to help Auburn. But first you should learn how to get the other 10 percent a brain, because I have already seen several people wearing "Free Harvey Updyke" shirts.

He's been released from jail on bail, but his troubles have only just begun. How he's made it back to his house safely is beyond me, to tell you the truth.

Trust me, Harvey Updyke did this for one reason and one reason only: He's an idiot.

He didn't do it to get revenge for rye grass or taping a Cam Newton jersey to "The Bear." It isn't even for Nick Saban's house, which was apparently spray-painted orange and blue.

Paint comes off. Tape comes off. This is without a doubt Auburn's darkest hour ever. It isn't even close.

Harvey Updyke has successfully become the most hated figure in Auburn history, dethroning Bear Bryant.

The article by the Alabama fan was even dumber than Paris Hilton watching Inception.


Are Auburn fans responsible?

Well, is it smart to shoot yourself in the head while you're perfectly happy? Heck.... No.....

What about the rye grass?

What about it?

Nick Saban's house, man...

He has 12 of them and the spray-paint has been removed.

But the statue...

We've already talked about this. It's a darned statue.

To honor Toomer's Corner, here is a poem to hopefully spread cheer:

Twas the night after the Iron Bowl, In a city where state champions reside,

An idiotic Alabama fan sprayed Toomer's Corner with herbicide.

Auburn got poetic justice, though they didn't know it then,

When they beat Oregon to prove that all they do is win.

Come February, Auburn released bad Valentine's news,

Toomer's Corner was dying. No Auburn fans were amused.

130-year old trees, what did they do to you, stupid?

Apparently somebody was missed on Valentine's by Cupid.

Rammer Jammer, Yellowhammer, Harvey's in his cell,

You can bet your sweet neck Aubie doesn't wish him well.

As he was laughing, thinking 'Bama had won,

He looked down on the Plains to see what he had done.

The crowd was growing, toilet paper everywhere,

Harvey was confused, but he's always: He went to school nowhere.

Auburn's spirit was as strong as it had ever been,

It seems that though he tries hard, the Grinch never wins.

And what to his wondering eyes did appear,

But the Bama fanbase had turned on him too, his arrest had drawn cheers.

It doesn't do justice, the trees are dying.

Auburn fans are hurt. Auburn fans are crying.

The Iron Bowl is too extreme, fans, CHILL OUT!

The last thing that needs to happen now is a rout.

Oh, that's the least of worries, what about tradition?

What about Toomer's, where will the tradition now live in?

That's TBD, but just know this,

The Auburn spirit is alive, for it can't be spent.

As the Toomer's trees stand gracefully in a spot full of sorrow,

Remember, War Eagle fans, there will be a better tomorrow.

Toomer's will live on, though it may not be the same,

But it's stupid it was poisoned over a stupid game.

We don't care what Bammers think, the trees still stand in pride.

War Eagle to all, and to all a good night.



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