2011 NFL Offseason: Week 1 without Football...I Survived...Barely

Jacqueline Moen-KadlecContributor IIIFebruary 13, 2011

Welcome home, guys...
Welcome home, guys...Matt Ludtke/Getty Images

Well, friends, I have survived Week 1 of the offseason, and I hope that you have done the same. 

It wasn't easy, was it?

Week 1 of the offseason has been filled with great happiness (The Packers win the Super Bowl!  Wisconsin's beermakers join fans in happy dance!) and great anxiety (WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT THE PLAYER'S UNION AND THE OWNERS CANCELLED THE MEETING?!!!).  

I have watched the Packers players on Letterman, Leno, Ellen and even the Grammys.  Clay Matthews on the Grammys?  Yup, watched him and then promptly turned it off.  The Packers on WWE SmackDown?  Yup, that was pretty impressive, too. 

Manpig and I debated the idea that if the labor situation in the NFL doesn't work out, should Clay Matthews become a wrestler?  I say no, Manpig says yes.  Although I would LOVE to see someone shut up Vicki Guerrero.

So, I have written in previous articles about how I have no clue how I am going to get through the spring and summer, as I am a one-sport type of girl (minus wrestling...what can I say other than "sports entertainment.").  Football it is for me, friends, and without football, I fear that I am going to get myself into mischief.  After all, what does a girl do with her Sundays free?

I found out today.

My house is entirely clean.  The windows have been washed, the dishes scrubbed.  My car, which has resembled something featured on "Hoarders" during the past few months, is clean.  The cats took off into their hiding spot for fear that my cleaning spree would end up with baths for everyone.

Have you ever tried to give a 15-pound cat with fangs and all their claws a bath?  If this is something that you have never attempted before, please believe that someone will end up bleeding, and it won't be the cat.  A helpful hint to you, if you feel the need to attempt this:  give them catnip.  At least they will be somewhat mellow.  I said somewhat.  You, however, may need a beer after this.  I recommend drinking the beer after you stop the bleeding, though.  I've been told that alcohol thins the blood, and since your cat may have turned into a blood-seeking demon after the bath, you don't need to give it any advantage.

My beagle is passed out behind the couch, fearful that I am going to throw her football just one more time.  Sarah, the beagle, had become quite accustomed to Sunday naps during football season, as this was the one day of the week that both Manpig and myself were home, lounging.  Today, it was 50 DEGREES IN WISCONSIN... IN FEBRUARY!  The dog was taken outside, with football in mouth, to run herself into a frenzy. 

I would like to think of it as my own personal training camp.  If there is ever a dog football league, my beagle may be the best wide receiver in the league.

Do you hear me, NFL?  This is a great idea, just in case you can't reach an agreement by football season. 

I have downloaded enough music (legally, of course...I'm a rebel, what can I say) that my computer may crash at any time.  Any song that I heard during the past seven months of football (including preseason) has been downloaded and listened to, as I did not have time to do this during the football season.  Who knew that I actually enjoy Ke$ha's music?  And that I would admit to enjoying Ke$ha's music?  What about country?  Yup, got that, too, wedged in between the Slayer, Taproot, Raconteurs and Pitbull tunes.  The fact that I have downloaded country music should be evidence that my mind is slowly deteriorating. 

Before you comment, I am not saying fans of country music have deteriorating minds.  What I am saying, however, is that I am not, under normal circumstances, a fan.  I am not a deer-hunting, truck-driving, beer-drinking type of girl.  Some of these things, yes.  Others, no.  To each their own, friends.

I spent time with my family today.  You know that it has been a long football season when you see your nephews and have to ask, "HEY!  When did you get a tattoo?  How old are you now?  Is that your kid?"  I am just kidding, of course. 

Additionally, my grandparents were seen, and the Vikings fans in the family were tormented:

"Hey, I heard that the Vikings signed a new quarterback!" 

"Yeah?  Who's that?"

"Jay Cutler!"

Great snorting laughter from this Packer fan ensued.  If you do this to the Vikings fan in your family, here is a handy guide on how to pull this off:  After the snorts, growls and  hysterical screams end, you can then mention, casually, "Well, no, Jay Cutler didn't sign with the Vikings.  Brett Favre's coming back."

If you make it out alive, as I did, let me know how it turns out for you.

Social networking has, yet again, become the main way for getting my aggressions/boredom out.  Feel like saying something crazy?  Log in and unload.  Be prepared, however, for one of your friends to tell you that you could possibly be committed for your most recent status that expresses your boredom.  However, if you are not a harm to yourself or others, it is game on, friends. 

We start a new week, friends.  While we will not have football next weekend, it is one week closer.  Be strong, friends, be strong.