Augusta, GA — In an unprecedented Sunday evening ceremony, Mike Weir returned the coveted Green Jacket awarded him for his 2003 Masters victory, after Augusta National members discovered Weir had played the entire tournament from the wrong side of the ball.
Tiger Woods, winner of the previous year's Masters, was on hand for the stunning event amongst the Georgia pines.
"We noticed something strange back in November when one of the members said he watched some old replays and something just didn't look right," said Augusta Chairman William "Billy" Payne. "At first I thought this was some type of distraction, as me and my partner had him and his partner down pretty good in a high-stakes bridge game.
"But said he wasn't kidding—and that he even noticed some divots on the wrong side of the tee box after the second round back in '03, but didn't give it much thought back then."
Payne went on to explain the investigate process.
"We went to the tape immediately and still had some doubts about what we were seeing," he said. "After a hasty meeting of the available members, we decided to hire an independent investigation firm. Film was confiscated from CBS, then reviewed and analyzed.
"It was right in front of us," Payne continued. "Shot after shot. Swing after swing. We still don't know how the starter missed it during the first round. It wasn't like it was Mike's first time here. We had to let the starter go and convene a search committee for a qualified starter for this year's tournament"
A grief-stricken and reticent Weir issued the following statement:
"It was never my intention to harm in any way the good name of Augusta National. Ignorance of the local rules is no excuse and I take full responsibility for my actions. If the members see fit to extend future invitations, I'll have the problem corrected and will return to the right side of the ball for play at the Masters."
In a separate but no less shocking development, the membership is now questioning whether Phil Mickelson may have knowingly violated policy in not one but two wins at the home of Bobby Jones.