Chris Bosh Struggles to Remember Who Coaches Miami Heat

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Chris Bosh Struggles to Remember Who Coaches Miami Heat

Chris Bosh: “Coach Dude is doing a good job.”

Miami—Despite being at the helm of one of the most star-studded lineups in the history of the NBA, Miami Heat Coach Erik Spoelstra is still not a household name…especially in the Bosh household.

"One thing I’ve always said about coach dude is that he's a…hold on a sec, let me answer this. Hello? Yeah, let me call you back. Doing an interview about Coach…Dude.  Stop playin’.  I gotta go. Sorry about that. Eddie House callin’ me on the damn telephone when he’s right over there in the training room, like fifteen feet away. House, man…uh, where were we? Right, ok, like, Coach Dude is doing a good job. He never gets too high or too low, he just lets us go out there and do our thing. Plus, you know, he played in this league for a minute, so he knows what it’s like to go out there and fight for a W every night.”

While Coach Spoelstra did play in Germany for two years after graduating from the University of Portland, he never suited up for an NBA team. It becomes clear to us that Bosh is referring to Heat bench coach and former NBA power forward Bob McAdoo, who passes by during the interview and exchanges pleasantries with Bosh.  

Coach McAdoo seems puzzled when Bosh informs him that he’s in the middle of an interview discussing his ability to coach the team, but the conversation is interrupted when McAdoo receives a phone call from Eddie House. We carefully point out the mistake and Bosh is not too happy.

“Hold on one second. I know who our coach is, man. You better watch yourself. Listen, a lot of people are going to say that coach has it easy, since he has yours truly, Bron-Bron and D-Wadey-didle to throw out there every night. But you try and coach in this league, man. It’s not easy.  Plus, my dude is Canadian. He’s probably the only guy in the league to grow up Canadian and become an NBA coach. Look it up. People don’t talk about that nearly enough.”

Bosh may be referring to his former coach with the Toronto Raptors, Canadian-born Jay Triano. Eric Spoelstra, Bosh’s current coach, was born in Evanston, Illinois and has the distinction of being the first ever Filipino-American head coach of any North American sports team.

We decide at this point to move on without drawing attention to the error.

So, how has Coach Spoelstra been able to right the ship after a rocky start to the season? According to Bosh, “He just told us the things we needed to do, plain and simple, and we went out and did, uh, those things, you know?

Even in this win-streak, he's been on us the whole time, filling out lineup cards and being like, “Yo! You! Get in there and score some buckets. Get a rebound. We need those.”

Everyone in, like, the whole world knows his famous quote that he said about being humbled to be humble. He wrote that. Coach dude just knows the game, and…hold on. Just got a text from House. He’s saying Coach Dude was Joey on that Friends show back in the day. Man! I didn’t know that…Coach is mad talented."

We asked Coach Spoelstra for his thoughts on the matter, and he did not mince words:

“I’m the coach. End of story. At the end of the day, the outcome of each and every game, and the season as a whole, rests squarely on these shoulders. I respect all of these guys and I think that as time goes by they’ll grow to respect me in return.  I’m giving my all each and every day, no matter what’s written in the press. You look around this locker room and its one future hall of famer after another.  You got, um, LeBron and D-Wade, and uh, him right there…Bosh. All great players.”

It should be noted that “him right there” happened to be Joel Anthony, a 6’9” center from UNLV who looks nothing like Chris Bosh, but coincidentally happens to be from Canada.

To conclude our interview, we asked, “What does Chris Bosh expect from the Miami Heat this season? Can you win it all the first time out, or is it going to take some time for this team to gel?”  

His answer was surprising:

“My name is Udonis Haslem.”

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