Wrestlemania XXVII: A Realistic Yet, Fantastic Preview of the Epic Pay-Per-View
Is this worth buying $60?
"Jim Ross coming to you live from the Georgia Dome in Atlanta, Georgia!" The legendary announcer declares as he is making a return to the commentary booth.
"Oh man! It's going to be a good one!" Jerry Lawler replies to Jim Ross.
Finally Michael Cole has been replaced by JR for just this one pay-per-view. He is preparing for his 2-on-1 handicap match with Alex Riley versus Jerry Lawler.
This version of Wrestlemania has great potential. A WCW-themed Wrestlemania can bring out the nostalgia of the old WCW fans and revive the interests of the downtrodden WWE fans.
Just let me make some suggestions to get buy rates up. Vince, remember these are suggestions not commands so don't blame me.
This pay-per-view quasi-fantasy card of mine would be the way I would set up Wrestlemania according to logical continuations of the story lines currently set up.
Ezekiel Jackson Vs. Big Show
So what this has nothing to do with Zeke-Show? IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!!
This will not be on TV since half the crowd will fall asleep. Big Zeke knocks off the Big Show with a Book of Ezekiel. Corre members are happy except they all failed a Kindergarten spelling test the week before.
Winner: Ezekiel Jackson
Actually scratch that it will lead off the show.
Daniel Bryan (C) Vs. Evan Bourne For the US Title
This is the perfect match to bat second at the biggest pay-per-view of the year if the fans managed to wake up after the Big Show-Big Zeke match.
Evan Bourne and Daniel Bryan can put on a show to get the fans entertained. A five star match waiting to happen will elevate the prestige of the US Title.
But you know how this feud will get started? Gail Kim.
Last summer Bourne and Kim had a brief on screen relationship. But didn't Daniel Bryan say he and Kim were together for "several months" before the little fiasco with the Bella Twins?
With rumors of Bourne's push coming as soon as he recovers he must be reintroduced to the fans in some way. Can you find a better way to push Bourne while keeping Bryan relevant?
Give these guys 20-25 minutes and you have a potential Wrestlemania classic.
Getting to the match, Daniel Bryan will try to use the Lebell lock but Bourne reaches the ropes. Bourne hits his Air Bourne finisher to pick up the win.
Winner (and new champion): Evan Bourne
Money in the Bank
Money in the Bank is a brilliant concept dedicated to pushing younger stars. Wrestlers such as CM Punk, Edge, and Jeff Hardy have all benefited from Chris Jericho's idea. But it comes with a price. The title value has been cheapened.
The contestants in this avenue to create new stars include Sheamus vs. Kane vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Jack Swagger vs. John Morrison vs. Drew Mcintyre vs. R-Truth. Well maybe scrap the new stars part but it's always an entertaining match.
As for the match, the man with the best abs pulls down Alex Riley's briefcase. If you thought Kane then you're an idiot. Dolph Ziggler is disqualified because he is dating Vickie Guerrero.
Winner: John Morrison
Laycool Vs. Kelly Kelly and Trish Stratus
Yes this match should happen for fans who want eye candy plus a decent match to boot. It is obvious Kelly Kelly is trying to become the next Trish Stratus. Laycool is like those annoying high school BFFs who get on your nerves.
Trish Stratus can promote Tough Enough while the Kelly-Vickie-Laycool angle can logically play out to a final match. Kelly Kelly hits Stratusfaction (what a cool name for a finisher) to pick up the win.
Winner: Kelly Kelly and Trish Stratus
After the match Awesome Kong comes out and destroys all four divas in the ring. Beth Phoenix comes out and they have a stare down.
Cody Rhodes Vs. Rey Mysterio in a Hair Vs. Mask Match
Could we see Rey like this?
Scott Barbour/Getty Images
Yes that picture was back when Rey Mysterio wrestled without a mask. A mask is a huge deal in Mexican wrestling culture. The ultimate shame is to be unmasked. That's why Alberto Del Rio made such a big deal over not wearing a mask.
Mysterio has faced such pressure before fairly recently. He put his mask on the line against Chris Jericho in 2009 for the Intercontinental Championship. Of course he won and his mask stayed on. Not to mention the 2010 feud with CM Punk over allegiance to the Straight Edge Society.
But now he faces a man determined to get revenge for his broken nose of shame. A man ironically from Georgia. A man by the name of Cody Rhodes. This can be a tremendous under-card feud for the biggest pay-per-view of the year.
We all know Mysterio is going to win here, but Cody Rhodes can be put over win or lose.
Winner: Rey Mysterio
After the match Cody Rhodes gets his head shaved. But you already knew that.
CM Punk Vs. Randy Orton In a Number One Contender's Match
Will RKO RKO CM Punk?
There are "special stipulations" for this match: if Punk loses Nexus must disband. If Orton loses he must leave Raw. The stipulations are meaningful fuel to the fire to add to a number one contender's match.
Personally I want to spend money on matches that aren't so predictable. Either one of these men can actually win this match.
Fast forward the first twenty minutes as we approach the end. Epic finish here as Punk goes for the GTS. As he lifts up his knee Orton manages to reverse it into an RKO!
"1! 2! No! Punk kicked out!" Yells Jim Ross.
Punk hits a couple more Go To Sleeps to pick up a relatively clean victory.
Winner: CM Punk
Orton can leave Raw where he is somewhat lost in the shuffle to be the top guy on Smackdown. Punk says he no longer needs the Nexus.
Jerry Lawler Vs. Michael Cole
Watch out for the ad!
This video says everything I need to say. Jerry "The King" Lawler finally gets his revenge on that drunk hobbit by giving Cole a pile-driver and a glorious beat down.
Winner: Jerry Lawler
Edge (C) Vs. Alberto Del Rio For the World Heavyweight Championship
Gaye Gerard/Getty Images
This match is a real dark horse candidate to steal the show. Del Rio and Edge may not be high-fliers but they can both put on a good show.
Smackdown's top story line has intrigue as Christian could potentially cost Del Rio the match or accidentally hit Edge. Kofi Kingston also has a score to settle with Del Rio.
I don't envision WWE making this a triple threat as the Royal Rumble winner (at least in my opinion) should be entitled to a one-on-one match.
Like the Orton-Punk classic skip the first fifteen minutes until we get to the good part. Unlike the Orton-Punk classic there is not a clean winner. The Ultimate Opportunist enlists the help of his best friend to smack Del Rio with a chair while of course the ref is distracted.
"Spear! Spear! Spear!" Yells Booker T as Edge retains the big gold belt.
Logic behind this: Del Rio won't be hurt too badly after a Wrestlemania loss. He can pick up the belt at Extreme Rules or Over the Limit. Edge should have his shining Wrestlemania moment plus he teams up with Christian again.
Now to the most predictable match on this card...
John Morrison Vs. Miz (C) For the WWE Championship
WHAT? A SWERVE!!?!???
"That's not supposed to happen!!!" Screams Vince McMahon to Jeff Awesome.
Miz comes out to his usual theme song. He prepares for battle against Barney's turd. He does his usual routine until somebody knocks him out with a certain briefcase.
"What? John Morrison is cashing it in?" Yells Jim Ross.
Yes the ultimate swerve has been thrown in this fairly predictable pay-per-view. Will John Morrison become WWE Champion?
Well yes he will be. He does his running knee finisher to knock Miz out cold again to become WWE Champion.
Winner (and new champion): John Morrison
John Cena comes out to the ring shocked. He knew if he won this match against Miz he would have to face the Anonymous General Manager for the WWE Championship. Cena displays heel tendencies over the Road to Wrestlemania (trashing Rock, viciously beating down on Miz, etc).
He now looks at Morrison and says "I'll deal with you later." Cena then runs his mouth about how Rock was overrated.
"If you smell what the Rock is cooking!" blares out of the loudspeakers. The Rock has had enough of Cena's trash talk.
"John Cena the Rock says you have just lost your number one contender status!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Why do I lose my num-"
"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHY YOU LOST YOUR NUMBER ONE CONTENDER STATUS!" Crowd pops for five minutes straight. Rock explains who John Cena will really face instead.
"Instead you get to face an icon in this business. An icon who would whoop your monkey ass! This man just happens to be the Anonymous Raw General Manger."
"And your opponent is..."
John Cena Vs. ???
J. Meric/Getty Images
"Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold!" Jim Ross yells as glass shatters over the loudspeakers.
Stone Cold Steve Austin is your new Raw GM. Rock and Stone Cold shock the world by declaring this match to the millions who bought this pay-per-view.
After hearing Rock's promo bashing Cena I felt something inside of me that screamed. It screamed "Rock is gonna face Cena at Wrestlemania!"
But I realized he clearly said he is not going to wrestle again. Get over it fans, he is only hosting Wrestlemania, not wrestling.
However Steve Austin has never said he won't wrestle again. Judging from his acting career he is still in decent enough shape to work a match. A Stone Cold-John Cena match could be one for the ages.
Especially if it's over this stipulation: if Cena wins it's PG. If Austin wins it's TV-14.
Well John Cena wrestling two matches at Wrestlemania would be unusual, but at the same time a shock match is just what Vince McMahon needs to put WWE back on track.
People can scream to each other. Buy rates can even go up for just this remaining match (they show pay-per-views twice).
They do a brief stare down. Five minutes of IWC people scrambling to buy this pay-per-view before it's too late. Five minutes of IWC people accusing Vince Russo of running WWE again.
The match is underway.
Fifteen minutes later the Attitude Era makes its triumphant return. "Stunner on Cena! The Rock Bottom on Cena!" Yells Jim Ross.
"1! 2! 3!" The fans who were born last millennium scream.
Winner: Stone Cold Steve Austin
Triple H (with Diesel) Vs. Undertaker With Shawn Michaels As Guest Referee
Wow let's recap the action so far! John Morrison cashes in his Money in the Bank contract to become WWE Champion. Stone Cold Steve Austin shocks the world and "stuns" John Cena. Edge retains his World Heavyweight Championship against Alberto Del Rio.
But now we are on to the main event. Undertaker takes on Triple H in a historical rematch ten years in the making. Triple H dedicating this match not only to Shawn Michaels but to DX and Kevin Nash. Yet he is going to have to end this streak in a Hell in a Cell.
Triple H and Shawn Michaels come out to the DX theme song one last time. Undertaker comes out to his eternal theme song and away we go. The atmosphere is permeated by an intense feeling. An intense feeling that this will be Triple H's last match.
After ten minutes of sizing each other up, numerous near falls and finishers are the hallmark of the match. Triple H somehow hits a Pedigree on Taker as the Deadman tried to hit a choke slam.
To the end. Shawn Michaels grows tired of Hunter's inability to finish off the Taker and tries to hit a Sweet Chin Music on Undertaker. Except it hits Triple H! Diesel connects on a jack knife power bomb to lay out Undertaker. Shawn Michaels turns heel by smashing 'Taker with Triple H's sledgehammer.
It looks like the Kliq is about to end the Streak. HBK moves Triple H's arm on 'Taker's body to start the pin.
"One! Two! Thr-" The whole building goes dark for a few seconds.
Then the crowd goes insane!
Shawn Michaels and Diesel are knocked out cold with a bat. Sting appears and helps 'Taker rise up. The Phenom Tombstones Triple H to extend his streak to 19-0!
Wrestlemania 27 Conclusion
Before you say "oh your prediction isn't going to happen" I know it's probably not going to happen.
This Wrestlemania, as it stands, is at best, mediocre compared to past Wrestlemanias. Sting and Rock are not going to wrestle at WM 27 but they could make appearances to boost the excitement. Rock hosting the event should take care of the buys plus the speculation over Sting has generated excitement as well.
Be sure to like this article if you actually want to spend $60 on my fantasy pay-per-view. If not then in honor of DX I got two words for you.