WWE: The Only Thing "Royal" About This Rumble Is That It Royally Sucked

Nick BolyardContributor IIIJanuary 31, 2011


Edge would likely characterize this year's Royal Rumble as a "big, fat, failure turtle".  Had I of paid to see this I would have been furious. However, I digress.  

As I have done since Bragging Rights, I will hand out awards for this month's pay-per-view, the Royal Rumble. It's time to take a look at the worst and best (I use that term loosely) of this year's Royal Rumble.

WTF Moment of the Night

This is a tough one. So I am declaring it a draw. Winner number one is The Nexus. They all got in the ring at once and eliminated each man until they were the last ones left in the ring. Granted this didn't work, but to sit there for that long and watch these guys eliminate one guy at a time and then stand around was annoying.  

Winner number two is Hornswoggle...why was he even in this?  Just why?

FTW Moment of the Night

The winner is....SHEAMUS!!!! He kicked a leprechaun in the face. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Also, John Morrison...WOW that was awesome!

Why Are You Here? Award

Congrats to the Bella Twins for winning this award every night that they appear on WWE television. They literally bring nothing to the table. They're not even hot. The mere fact that they even have jobs at anywhere except a Wendy's (shout out to fellow West Virginian, Heath Slater) makes me worried for future generations.  

On a side note: Why did Kelly Kelly interfere?

Best Comeback

Had a tough time with this one. Booker T or Diesel? Diesel chants echoed throughout the arena, but people went nuts for Booker T.  

Best comeback goes not to a man but a move! The Spin-a-roonie! I missed it and he did it during the Rumble and it was awesome! NOW CAN YOU DIG THAT, SUCKAAAAAAA?!

Biggest Disappointment(s), Sponsored by TNA

No Christian. No Triple H. No Kong. Every match. Need I go on?

Worst Match

So tempting to give this to the Royal Rumble. I am going to give it to the Randy Orton vs. The Miz match. BOOOOORING! I worked on my taxes while it was on...that's how boring it was.  

Again, Nexus makes no sense by interfering in the match. Nexus=Lost. On Raw, Matthew Fox joins the Nexus so it can continue to not make sense.

Best Match

Ummm. Ummmm....ummmm. What was the dark match again? Oh gee. Ummmm...THE DIVA'S TITLE MATCH! It wins because of Layla. You can hear every word she screams and it is awesome. Eve did a flip and there was a double Sharpshooter and I found a nickel during the match. SCORE!

On a scale of 1-10, 10 being great and one being an abortion, I'd give the Royal Rumble a three. I didn't pay $50 to see this, but I still want money back. FAIL!

As always feel free to leave some comments and hand out your own awards. Thanks for reading (this was a satire, I did hate this PPV though).