Grown men line up hours before the game to collect dolls, women will pay a premium for the privilege to sew stuff at a baseball stadium and a collective effort by all in attendance will ensue to figure out the connection between Jason Vargas and Las Vegas, other than some similar letters in each name.
Who wouldn't want to snuggle under their new Mariners fleece blanket in August? Or, slide on their new King Felix Knit Cap at the end of June?
It's not all about badly timed cold weather gear, though.
One of the coolest promos will come on May 6th with "Ichiro Hit Counter Bobblehead Night." It comes complete with, as the name would suggest, an actual hit counter that can be changed as the season lumbers on.
No word yet if it will come out of the box with 33 hits already showing.
We're used to seeing four to five bobbleheads per season. This time around, we only have Ichiro and Felix, who will have his Cy Young Bobblehead handed out at the second game of the first home stand. Adding Justin Smoak and Michael Saunders wouldn't have been horrible. Heck, Yuniesky Bettancourt got one of these a few years ago.
"Go Green Train Night" is on June 3. The North Carolina GOP convention also kicks off that day. My guess is that only one of those events will be promoting a greener planet.
There's the usual gamut of t-shirts, turn back the clock and little league type days to go through. If you're a season ticket holder, it will be worth it to go through those to find gems like Franklin Gutierrez Fly Swatter Night and Sonics Celebration Night.
After all, if you're going to be lousy, shout to the public, "Hey, at least we didn't leave town!"