Dear Jay Cutler,
Do you remember when you begged your former team, the Denver Broncos, to trade you? Remember how much you wanted out? And how awesome it was when that trade finally happened and you landed in Chicago as the great quarterback we've never had but always wanted?
We all do, okay? And we all won Super Bowls that day. Each and every one of us silently celebrated winning a minimum of seven Super Bowls.
That was supposed to begin in 2010. We all knew that, Jay Cutler. We all silently said to ourselves, on the day you set foot in the city limits, that we have already won seven Super Bowls, beginning with a magical season that no one saw coming in 2010 and thus setting off a chain reaction of incredible achievements and outstanding accolades.
What in the heck happened, Jay Cutler?
I'll tell you what happened. You betrayed us, just like so many other Chicago sports villains who have cost us the championships we had won prematurely in our minds.
The goat (circa whenever baseball started), the black cat (circa the year when witchcraft was ruining the sport of baseball), the Bartman (circa whenever Alex Gonzalez was the greatest shortstop in Cubs history), The Zambrano, (although, he still has a ton of time left on a super sweet contract that no one in the Cubs organization regrets) and now, you: Jay Cutler.
Or should I say, Jay QUITLER?
Why did you leave last Sunday's game against the Packers, Jay? Was it because it was 14-0 and you had a QB rating of 31.8? Or was it because you could have been flagged for intentional grounding on an actual pass attempt to Devin Hester?
I've never had more hope sucked from my soul than when I saw you "limp" off the field at the beginning of the third quarter.
We were so close, Jay! And then you quit on us, putting us in the completely incapable hands of Caleb Hanie, who played so poorly that he nearly led us on a miraculous comeback from two 14-point deficits.
Were we supposed to believe that the coaches made the decision to pull you from the game in "the best interest of the team"?
Fool me once, Jay Cutler (and you have, re: THE SECOND YOU CAME HERE) shame on me. Fool me twice? Well, I'd have to say you are good at something, and that's fooling people because I never get fooled twice and you did just that.
You fooled me. Twice. And I feel like an idiot. I loved you, Jay Cutler. I did. I really did. I heard what people were saying. The bad footwork, the bad attitude, played on a bad college football team, never won anything, had a knee that will literally buckle under pressure.
I heard all that but I didn't want to believe it. I...foolishly...thought that you could move past all that stuff and reward us for making you out to be far more talented than you actually are.
So I guess it is "shame on me" Jay Cutler. Shame on me for not being able get my head out of the clouds long enough to see that YOU'RE A LIAR.
A filthy liar. And Chicago is no place for liars, Jay Cutler. So why don't you go back to Denver where you were sacked a disgusting 11 times in one season.
You were sacked more than any quarterback in the league the past two seasons, Jay! We were good to you and you just took us for granted.
Trust me when I say that you shouldn't have any problem requesting a trade out of this city, Jay Cutler.
The City of Chicago
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