Split National Championship?: Pete Carroll Romances the AP

Pasadena, CA — In an 11th-hour appeal to AP reporters  around the country, Pete Carroll today professed his undying love for the AP—and apologized for the 2005 snub that left many AP writers confused and perplexed.

"I realize my hoisting of the BCS National Championship trophy after our great win in a hard-fought contest over Oklahoma may have left a sour taste in some writer's mouths," the USC coach said. "I got caught up in the moment and lost my head.

"I swear I assigned the duty of finding the AP plaque to one of the graduate assistants, but, understandably, he got way too involved in all the ass-slapping going on after the game, and things just kinda slipped through the cracks."

The coach went on to assert that his Trojans felt perfectly at home in Pasadena.

"I said in '04 there's no place we'd rather play than the Rose Bowl, and I mean that as much today as ever before," Carroll said. "Hell, it's not my fault we had to play those BCS games outside the state of California. I made a strong appeal to the NCAA to have both those games moved to Pasadena. Our play against Texas all but proves the BCS just isn't what we're after.

"We would have been happy with another AP title after that game—and Texas was more than welcome to keep the pineapple, or whatever that thing is."

Carroll finished his pitch with an offer of undying allegiance.

"It was great to be back in Pasadena this year, and our victory over a superior team like the Fightin' Illini proves once again that USC is worthy of AP consideration," he said. "If you folks could find it in your heart to move us up to Numero Uno, I swear I'll never mention the BCS again.

"And, if you could find it in your heart to scoot Oregon up there to No. 2, I'll even go so far as to say a playoff system is way overrated. We could use a little recognition over here in the Pad-10. If we're ever gonna get it right I'm counting on the AP to come through."

In mass reciprocation, AP writers seem willing to forgive the 2005 snub, as well as USC's loss to 41-point underdog Stanford earlier in the year—and are now contemplating giving the Trojans a huge boost in the rankings.

In similar statements released earlier this week, both LSU and Ohio State seemed more than satisfied with acknowledgment by the BCS, thus paving the way for the Trojans' AP ascension.

As it stands, the loser of the BCS title game seems destined for banishment to the netherworld of college football "also-rans."

"I'm not saying these aren't worthy programs," a humble and reverent Carroll said of the Tigers and Buckeyes.  "They're just not the Men of Troy. This is the AP we're talking about.  They've had a long tradition of splitting national titles with the UPI, and if someone is going to get in there and split things up with the BCS, they're qualifications go way back.  Back to the days of USC splitting championships with Alabama and such.

"Man, who better to represent the AP? We love you guys!"