By Jay Jones
Editor, Musket & Mallard Magazine*
Instead of texting each other during games, DSN co-owner Ryan Welch suggested that I stop bothering him and text myself…and put them to some good use in the form of "10 Quick Hits".
Here are a couple of pre-game warm-up hits:
(As I edit these, I have to confess to being a little bit distracted. "Tombstone" is on The History Channel. And it's one of those movies that whenever it's on, I pretty much stop whatever I'm doing and watch it.Kurt Russell. Val Kilmer (should have won the Best Supporting Actor Academy Award). Oregon's Sam Elliott. Bill Paxton. Michael Biehn. Powers Boothe. Charlton Heston. Billy frickin' Zane! If only Michael Ironside could have found his way on to set! But I digress…)
• Cal-Maryland: The pukiest thing I saw on the field, other than Jahvid Best's breakfast and Cal's overall play, was the safety Cal got right before half-time that was not called by the officials. At least the Washington-BYU officiating crew wrongly made the right call, as opposed to wrongly not making the obvious call.
• Cal-Maryland: Squib kicks and on-side kicks (with over 7:00 remaining) never make sense.
• Traveling East is way more difficult that traveling West. It's always easier to gain time than to lose time.
• WSU-Baylor: Ike claimed the Washington State football team as a victim. The Cougars made the trip and played the game on Friday.
• Saturday College Football counter-programming; Notting Hill on USA, Forces of Nature, Sleepless in Seattle, Failure to Launch, Friends, Sex & the City on TBS
Warmed-up? Let's go then…
1. Purdue's kids choo-choo vs. Oregon's Harley-Davidson: Oregon's Harley-Davidson.
2. Stacy Dales vs. Erin Andrews: Erin Andrews.
3. Dan Fouts (Oregon) vs. Bob Griese (Purdue): Dan Fouts.
4. I hope ESPN/ABC play-by-play announcer Brad Nessler worked out all of his "Ducks" puns:
• "Roper throws a rope."
• "Flock of Ducks."
• "On the pond."
• "…productivity from a Byrd…"
• "…both wings on him…"
5. After that tongue lashing, you think Roper will be calling any more timeouts at the beginning of future fourth quarters?
6. (Text message) Better to face adversity now, as opposed to later?
7 - 9. Ran out of steam. But I feel my second wind coming on…
10. I'm not the highly trained medical professional in my family, but I have to ask this question: is there any correlation between the implementation of this version of the spread option offense and the injuries to Oregon quarterbacks over the last two seasons? I'll explore this more in a future entry.
Post-game Late Hits:
• USC's uniforms are just hideous. All gnarled and nasty. Get some new unis, USC.
• The USC Song Girls' have the performance range of the Marching Band's repertoire.
• Alternate History: If Dennis Dixon had not been injured last season and Oregon went on to win the rest of their games, including the National Championship, would Terrelle Pryor still have chosen Ohio St.?
• What's more likely: Oregon facing Ohio St. in the Terrelle Pryor Bowl or Penn St. in the 1995+13 Bowl?
• Chris Harper vs. Terrelle Pryor: Push?
* There is no such thing as Musket & Mallard Magazine. There should be. But there isn't. Although, there is a Horse & Hound Magazine.
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