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League of Champions: Out of the Indian Premier League (Satire)

CAPE TOWN, SOUTH AFRICA - APRIL 19:  Cheerleaders during the  IPL T20 match between Delhi Daredevils and Kings XI Punjab on April 19, 2009 in Cape Town, South Africa.  (Photo by Tom Shaw/Getty Images)
Tom Shaw/Getty Images
Linus FernandesAnalyst IIJune 26, 2016

The dust has settled on the IPL auctions.The players have been bought (or not).The teams have been formed (or not). The franchises are happy (or not).

The rumour mills, however, have been overactive.

Among the numerous reports floating around, these are the more salient ones:

Saurav Ganguly, Brian Lara and Sanath Jayasuriya have decided to float a league of their own in response to being ignored by the IPL. It will be called the League of Champions, based on the ATP Champions Tour.

Kapil Dev and Ravi Shastri have agreed to join the league and play T20 matches as long as they can play golf later.

Sunil Gavaskar has asked for $2 million to be on the governing council of the LOC.

Only players over 40 can join the league. Chris Gayle is not happy. (Ganguly has produced his original birth certificate that proves that he’s actually over 40.)

Bishan Singh Bedi, Maninder Singh and Navjot Singh Sidhu will be on the same side. Their moniker—The Flying Sikhs.

Anil Kumble has declined to be associated with the league.

Kiran More, Nayan Mongia and Syed Kirmani are the three keepers kept.

Mohammad Azharuddin is the premier attraction of the tournament. His conditions are that all his matches are to be played in Hyderabad, indoors on badminton courts.

Amitabh Bacchan will light the inaugural lamp. From one veteran to the others.

Helen—of Bollywood fame—will be training cheerleaders to Asha Bhonsle numbers.

The coaches and mentors of the IPL teams are to be made honorary members of the league. They can play for any team they like—whenever they want.

There are no restrictions on foreign players. There are just so many fit veterans to go around.

The format of the games is 20 overs a side. Each bowler can bowl four overs each. Sunil Gavaskar can bat only four overs.

Among the foreign signings, Geoffrey Boycott will be allowed to bat only four overs.

The matches will be scheduled to be played under lights from 8:00 pm onwards. No day matches at all.

The man of the series will be termed the ‘Man For The Ages.'

Quote of the day

"Charm is the quality in others that makes us more satisfied with ourselves." – Henri-Frederic Amiel

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