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Fifteen Ways to Help Avoid Watching Notre Dame vs. Michigan

Kevin PaulSenior Analyst IOctober 25, 2016

It is one of the more exciting rivalries in college sports, and often one of the best games of the year.  That’s right, it’s Notre Dame vs. Michigan.

Only, for the second straight year, these two powerhouses are anything but that.

You have Saturday afternoon checked off in your calendar as “quality football time”, but now you have no plans.  What are you going to do?  Deep breaths, my friend!  We’re gonna get through this, I promise.

Instead of having to suffer through this game, here’s a to-do-list that could help pass the time.

Fifteen Ways to Help Avoid Watching Notre Dame vs. Michigan*

15. Drive to Tatum Bell’s house and steal his luggage.

14. Watch the movie “Knocked Up”—there will be more scoring.

13. Watch the Temple game.

12. Interview Bill Belichick.  Hmm, OK… that won’t even kill a commercial break.

11. With your friends, set up a “Super Bowl Squares” game for this match, but just pray that you draw a number with a field-goal denomination.

10. Poll Notre Dame fans and ask them to describe their “decided schematic advantage”.

9. Brainstorm nicknames for the Notre Dame vs. Michigan matchup—for example:

The Charmin Bowl
The Toilet Bowl
Dumb and Domer
The “What’s on PBS?” Bowl
The “Somebody has to Win” Bowl

8. Write Rich Rodriguez an email, but set the font at two so he can’t read the fine print.

7. Bake a pineapple upside-down cake

6. Attempt learning how to bake a pineapple right-side-up cake

5. Call Dr. Lou and, in your best Sylvester the Cat voice, say, “Sally sells seashells by the Seashore” three times real fast.

4. Orchestrate a trade of Chad Ocho Cinco to a team that has the No. 85 number taken—then campaign for a name change to Chad Ocho Quatro.

3. Get in touch with your feminine side.  If you’re a woman, I can’t help you here.

2. Drink enough beer so that you forget the game.

1. The all-time fallback, watch paint dry.

* This is half repost/half new material, but basically a sequel to my 2007 original.

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