COULD THESE BE THE HEADLINES IN LEAFLAND? 08/09

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COULD THESE BE THE HEADLINES IN LEAFLAND? 08/09

With my tongue firmly planted in my cheek, here is my predictions of some of the headlines we may see this year regarding the Leafs. For those of us who have followed the team for a long time it will all make perfect sense. For those who are new to the Leafs, get ready for the ride!!!

LEAFS TO CREATE COMMITTEE TO DECIDE ON NEW CAPTAIN—SEPT/08Today Richard Peddie announced that the Leafs have decided to begin the new season without a Captain. He further announced that a blue ribbon committee composed of Cliff Fletcher, himself, Wendel Clark, Doug Gilmour and coach Ron Wilson would meet throughout the early part of the season and have serious discussions about who the next captain of the Leafs should be. “Being the Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs is a huge honor and responsibility” he said in an interview with the Globe, “ we have some outstanding candidates on the team but we need to consider our options carefully, one thing I can promise you is that we will find the best possible Captain and the Leafs will once again have a great leader.”

TEACHERS UNION SELLS LEAFS TO ESTATE OF DECEASED FIJIAN BILLIONAIRE-- OCT/08The Teachers Union in a surprise move have divested themselves of their ownership position in the Toronto Maple Leafs and have sold their shares to the estate of a recently deceased Fijian Billionaire. The name of the Billionaire has not been revealed but he is rumored to have left all of his vast holdings to his twin 16 year old daughters. According to highly placed sources inside MLG ,the representative of the estate has informed the members of MLG's board that the two girls ,who have never even heard of hockey,would like to sit in on all board meetings and participate in all decisions affecting the future direction of the Leafs.

FLETCHER MAKES BLOCKBUSTER DEAL- TRADES STAJAN, STEEN ,  SCHENN, AND TOSKALA, FOR JAROMIR JAGR--NOV /08Today Fletcher pulled the trigger on what is perhaps the biggest blockbuster deal in Leaf’s history, trading away talented young forwards, Matt Stajan, Alexander Steen, defensive superstar prospect Luc Schenn and starting goalie Vesa Toskala,to the Russian league for Jaromir Jagr. According to Fletcher, who only months ago had pledged to remain committed to his young players, this was a deal that had to be made. “The way I see it “said Fletcher ”is the team that got the best player wins , and in Jaromir Jagr we have one of the greatest players of all time and he still has many productive years left” . When asked if he was trading away the future of the Leafs Fletcher said” Future Shmuture today is all the counts, and today the Leafs have a legitimate chance to win the cup , something that just wasn’t going to happened for many years—Leaf fans deserve this”.

TOMAS KABERLE TAKES LEAVE OF ABSENCE FROM LEAFS SITING PERSONAL REASONS-- DEC/08 To nobody’s surprise Tomas Kaberle is not going with the Leafs on their 10 day western road trip. Siting personal reasons, he is staying in Toronto and is rumored to be seeing a psychologist for depression. It seems that Coach Ron Wilson and the talented Tomas Kaberle have not been seeing eye to eye this year. Wilson has openly criticized Kaberle for his soft play, and his unwillingness to fight. Despite this, Kaberle has been having another banner season , leading the Leafs defense in goals, assists, and plus minus, he has been mentioned as a possible Norris Candidate.

LEAFS SUSPEND SEARCH FOR CAPTAIN INDEFINITELY-- JAN/09Today Richard Peddie announced that the search for a Captain for the Leafs had been put on hold indefinitely. “ We have examined all our options and have come to the conclusion that the team is better off without a Captain” . When asked if this wasn’t an extremely unusual decision , Peddie replied, “ No I don’t think so. The concept of a team Captain is really an outdated idea and we feel that it is time for the Leafs to move beyond tradition and break new ground. This is a team of leaders and I like to consider myself one of the many Captains of the Leafs”.

FLETCHER MAKES MORE MOVES AT TRADE DEADLINE, UNLOADS STRALMAN, KABERLE, AND POGGE IN SURPRISE PUSH FOR PLAYOFF SPOT-- FEBRUARY /09With the Leafs 15points out of a playoff spot, it would have seemed to most that this year was one that the playoffs would be out of reach and that the Leafs might actually divest themselves of a few veterans to free up some cap space for next year and possibly pick up a few draft picks. But that is not the way Cliff Fletcher saw things. Today he pulled the trigger on series of deals, trading away Anton Stralman, Tomas Kaberle, and goaltending prospect Justin Pogge, in return Fletcher picked up Defense man Rob Blake, and Mathieu Schneider, and goaltender Dwayne Roloson. We have just gotten tougher and better offensively with Blake, more skilled with Schneider and we just weren’t happy with the progress of Pogge, we wish him well, but we think that Rolson is a better fit for this team. Regarding the trading of potential Norris Trophy Candidate, Tomas Kaberle, Fletcher said, “this is has been very difficult for me, but I believe Tomas Kaberle is, despite his obvious gifts, somewhat unstable, moody, and a bit of a troublemaker, and frankly the bottom line is that Tomas is just too high strung to play for Ron Wilson, his mood swings were affecting the whole team”. When questioned about the combined ages of his new Leafs adding up to well over 115 years, Fletcher said, “I think of of 40 as the new 30. These are proven players and will definitely contribute to the Leafs for years to come, and though there are not many games left, we now have a legitimate shot at making the playoffs which is what I was brought here to do”. It is rumored that both Blake and Schneider have been offered 3 year deals, with no movement clauses.

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