NFL Week One: Letters to the League
To: New England Patriots
Re: Brady's Out
Whoah, that sucks, huh? Sort of like when Tiger got hurt—sorry PGA, he ain't playing this year—or if Jordan had ever been out for a season. It's definitely one of the top three most significant injuries of all time.
We all know Brady's been the best. We've seen it with our own eyes. But what if? What if Cassel comes out there and plays off the damn chain? Isn't that how Brady got the job to begin with? He didn't win it; to quote Iceman from Top Gun, "you slid right in." And the rest is history, right?
I somehow doubt you'd do it again. Cassel plays well—that well—and you might have yourself a chip to get a really nice front-end draft pick. Everybody knows how you folks pick players. Maybe this isn't so bad after all, guys.
To: Jay Cutler
Re: You Have Diabetes, Man
Dude, you got diabetes and look at you now. Not only did you dominate the Raiders (and immediately make your team a playoff contender this year), you talked smack afterward.
I love it when a QB talks trash in the media. Joe Montana wouldn't have done that; but this is a new era and breed of quarterback. Now, I have my own personal issues and opinions about DeAngelo Hall (known in Atlanta as "D-Hall") but I loved hearing you tell us how you threw to a rookie that D-Hall was covering all night long and ripped him to shreds.
That was great Jay—you give Vandy an attitude. Yeah, D-Hall is quickly becoming the most overrated player in the game. It makes me think about the time he tried to take an interception out of the hands of rookie Jimmy Williams (when they were both with the Falcons last year) so he could run it back for a touchdown. You know, we also called him "Me-Hall' in Atlanta.
But seriously man, you've got to be working the business to get you the spokesman gig for the diabetes foundation or whatnot. That is totally you.
To: Vince Young
Re: Oh My God Man
Seriously? Your family had to call out an APB with the Nashville Police because you left home bummed and without your cell? Man, I know it's tough—you were the man at Texas—and now you got your fans booing you left and right.
The thing with the, "I'm taking myself out of the game" wasn't a smart way to ingratiate yourself with the the Titans fans. I don't know man; it looks like this could be a tough one for you.
To: Matt Ryan
Listen, I'm going to try real hard not to be biased because I am a Falcons fan (a true believer—as the song goes), but damn, man. Is this the beginning of the storybook career?
One throw in the NFL and one touchdown. Not a dinky one either; a legitimate read-the-defense-catch-your-receiver-in-stride kind of pass. My boy and I went nuts when that happened. I'm so excited about you man.
To: Brett Farve
Hmmm…I'm not sure about this.
To: St. Louis Rams
I don't know, guys. You're not looking so hot.
To: Indianapolis Colts
Re: Is This the End, My Friends?
You've got to tell me that was an aberration. I have Peyton on my fantasy team. He's going to be okay, right? What do you guys think will happen to the league if Brady and Peyton are out for the season? (Honestly, I think it'll be just fine…still interesting as always—it's about the records and the teams and what they're playing for…just one man's opinion though).
Let me know, but I'm going to stick with my waiver wire pick up of Matt Ryan…just in case.
To: Aaron Rodgers
You looked alright, man. And seriously, I can't tell you how happy I am to see that. Just happy for you, dude. I hope you enjoy this one for a second. I'm pulling for you; you can't replace Favre, but you can still lead this team to success. And how was that Lambeau Leap? I know you enjoyed that one.
To: Shawn Merriman
Re: Could've Told You So
I could have man, and everyone else did. Let's just hope you didn't end your career with that one.
I mean, the season's bad enough—especially for the Chargers who, with Brady out, were licking their chops—but the career? Man, I'd miss that crazy chainsaw-crank dance you do after sacking someone.
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