Chicago Has Entered a Bizarro Universe

If Seinfeld has taught me anything, it is that a totally normal world can suddenly turn bizarro. Just as Jerry’s world was spun around, so too has Chicago's.

In analyzing Chicago sports, it is clear that something strange is going on. My conclusion is that Chicago is currently Bizarro Chicago.

Let me break it down for you.

Bizarro Cedric Benson is Matt Forte

Last season, Cedric Benson STUNK. In fact, his entire time in Chicago was horrible. After being drafted No. 4 overall in the NFL draft, Benson sat out for 36 days of camp. To sum up Benson’s playing, the world “bust” comes to mind.

Benson has had so many DUIs (both on land and water), that he now must drive a Blo-and-Go. He must breath into his car to prove his isn’t’ drunk before the car will start.

On the other hand, Matt Forte had an outstanding NFL debut for the Bears. He rushed 23 times for 123 yards and 1 TD. Forte is smart enough to keep his name out of the police blotter and is generally liked in the locker room.

Forte has been a great change of pace for the Bears backfield.

Bizarro Rex Grossman is Kyle Orton

Last season, Grossman opened the season with games of one, two, and three interceptions. The Bears started 1-2 and did not look good. This year, Orton played an average game against the Colts.

He was 13-21 with 150 yards, zero TDs and zero INTs. What people need to know is that a Bears QB playing average is unheard of. Usually, the roll of the Bears' QB is to ruin seasons.

Hopefully Orton will continue to be average this year and allow the Bears to win.

Bizarro 2007 Chicago bears D is the 2008 bears D

Chicago’s D finished 2007 ranked 28th in the league. They were injured and ineffective. Last night, the Bears brought back memories of the "Monsters of the Midway." Holding the Colts to 13 points and under 300 yards of total offense is impressive.

Best of all, Chicago scored on D (thanks to Lance Briggs). If Chicago hopes to make the Super Bowl, the D is going to have to continue in Bizarro world and score every week.

Bizarro MLB best Cubs are Cubs in September

The only bad part of bizarro Chicago is that the Cubs stink. Through August, the Cubs were the best team in baseball. Both their pitching and hitting were outstanding.

Then they entered Bizarro world and the wheels fell off. The Cubs dropped the last two games in August and have won ONCE in September. Cubs fans across the city are freaking out.

Who knows what is up next for Bizarro Chicago. One thing is for sure, though: Tonight, I wouldn’t be surprised to see a girl with man hands.