—December 11, 2010, Cincinnati, Ohio
It was announced today that Chad Javon Ocho Cinco, formerly Chad Javon Johnson, was forced to change his name.
Six months ago fellow Bengals receiver receiver Keary Colbert sued Ocho Cinco—now Ocho Seis—because he wouldn't let him have No. 85 when he joined the team as a free agent in the offseason.
The judge ruled that, due to excessive stress caused to Colbert because Ocho Seis wouldn't give him his desired jersey number, Colbert would get No. 85, and Ocho Seis would receiver No. 86.
Due to his number switch, Ocho Seis didn't want his name to be Ocho Cinco anymore. So he changed his name again to Ocho Seis. His name just doesn't have the same ring it used to, does it?
Colbert has been absolutely terrible in the NFL. In his best season—his rookie season, 2004—he caught 47 passes for 754 yards and five touchdowns.
Colbert wanted No. 85 so badly because his level of play in the NFL—and at every level since Pop Warner football when he led his team to the league championship—has been so bad that he wanted to try to channel some of his old magic into this year's team by wearing his Pop Warner jersey number. Now that's desperation.
In addition, Colbert proclaimed Ocho Seis made fun of his inability to play at any level of football after Pop Warner and claimed he had gotten into the NFL because his rich uncle bribed every team he had ever played on after Pop Warner to play him as well as his teams' opponents to let him do well.
Colbert added that this cruel mockery of his completely legit abilities led to extreme emotional trauma for him.
It is rumored that Colbert influenced the judge's decision by sobbing openly about the good ol' days when he played Pop Warner. Then he claimed he only wanted to wear the number for the sake of the team's potential success.
That last statement sealed the deal for Colbert because the judge, as it was revealed in the press conference after the case adjournment, was a superstitious, fanatical Bengals fan who was dumb enough to believe that Colbert's plan would work.
This is Johnson's second legal name change of his NFL career. In September 2008 Ocho Seis changed his name from Chad Johnson to Chad Ocho Cinco.