Alright, the title of this article is a bit hyperbolic and I certainly don't want to be completely flamed for my first article on the Bleacher Report. If we wanted to talk about truly horrible feuds, then Hornswoggle and Chavo Guerrero or the Swagger Soaring Eagle would certainly need to be considered.
However, there has been a lot of talk of "Greatest Rivalry of All Time" recently, a lot of which I disagree with: Randy Orton and Triple H? YAWWWWWN; Punk and Jeff Hardy whilst brilliant and certainly one of the best feuds of 2009, can hardly compare to Jericho/HBK and Hart/Hart—two great articles that were posted here recently.
The real point of my article today is to sum up the Edge and Kane feud, something which has relentlessly bored the shit out of me for the past two months.
Not only is it boring, repetitive, unimaginative, unbelievable and frustrating, it's so beneath Kane and Edge it's silly.
I mean, am I the only one a little bit perturbed by the fact that Kane—and correct me if I'm wrong—killed Paul Bearer on Smackdown!? Didn't Undertaker pull a similar stunt a few years ago much to the chagrin of anyone with two brain cells to rub together?
Need I say anything other than concrete? Surely, the WWE would've learned their lesson. Right? RIIIIGHT!?
For me, that was the straw that broke the camels back. Perhaps next week on the last Smackdown before TLC there will be some amazing shift in the tale and all of the dumbass cat and mouse action will turn out to be a small arc in a brilliant storyline.
However, I highly doubt that.
But, this wouldn't be a particularly thorough article without highlighting all of the things about this feud that outright suck. As I've said, this is beneath Kane and Edge, and hopefully I can explain why I feel this way.
Kane and Undertaker
Whether you loved it or hated it (I was a big fan, for the record) the Undertaker and Kane feud was probably one of the biggest rivalries of the summer.
The Nexus/Cena storyline was an unmitigated disaster; a stable with as much promise and unpredictability as the Nexus became another seven superstars to be fed to John "Man of Steel!?" Cena. It hurt—and continues to hurt—the NXT season one and two alum more than it builds them.
Then again, they could've ended up like Kaval—although that's an article unto itself.
My point is Kane and Undertaker managed to reignite a rivalry that has bubbled for 10 years. Who would have thought that 'Taker taking a crotch to the face would've really turned Kane's career around so much?
This led to Kane being booked credibly, made to look dominant and best of all he ran with the ball. His promos were excellent and his matches were a lot better than many of us expected I'm sure.
The Night of Champions match was fun, I marked out heavily for the return of Paul Bearer and then his double cross (what was up with the light, though!?). The Buried Alive Match was somewhat lacklustre, but the feud ended with Kane looking more dominant than ever. More importantly, we had a champion who had held the title for a number of months and who brought prestige to the title.
So you ask yourself, where does Kane go from there? I mean, logically, he could build the next big star. If someone on the mid-card could somehow beat Kane, I think you'd solidify them as a main event player. Kofi Kingston perhaps?
Instead, newly turned face Edge is put in the title picture. If it was to boost ratings for the network change (I'm a Brit living in Canada, so I don't know which network it changed to in America—Syfy or something?) it would appear not to be working.
This, however, brings me onto my next point.
Edge as a face
I love me some Edge. Since his early days of E&C, I've been constantly entertained by him. He's one of those wrestlers who can carry himself well in the ring to consistently good matches and has humour and charisma to boot.
But I don't think there are many people that would disagree that Edge is better as a heel.
The Rated R Superstar is—and please forgive the pun—edgy. Remember when he was going to bone Lita live on RAW? Awesome. Or how about when he parodied Ric Flair's arrest? Double awesome.
Since his return at the Royal Rumble he went from face (remember the brutal "SPEAR! SPEAR! SPEAR!" chant that didn't really work?) to a mediocre feud as a heel with Randy Orton and then onto a few funny skits with Zack Ryder and a rivalry with a computer. If I'm honest, when he dropped an elbow on a laptop I was pretty entertained.
But they needed a top face on Smackdown so Edge made an instant transition to face again, all of this occurring within about nine months. Now, I know if this was TNA and Edge was Matt Morgan, there could've been about 15 face to heel and heel to face changes in that time, but still, this is Edge.
This is Edge who I feel thrives as a heel and at best is an average face.
What really pains me is whether he's a good guy or a bad guy, Edge in the ring is fun to watch and can wrestle most people to a great match.
The major problem for me, especially with this feud, is that Edge has gone from a mentally unstable heel character to a face with all the menace of Daffy Duck.
I'm sure this kidnapping Paul Bearer angle was taken directly from a 1970s Warner Bros cartoon. All it's really missing is the dopey sound effects (a la Scooby Doo trying to run from a ghost) as Edge tries to build enough momentum to push a wheelchair containing Kane's daddy. Or the music from Benny Hill.
The Kidnapping Angle
Alright, I'll go along with you, WWE. I'll suspend my disbelief; I'll ignore that Edge kidnapped a man, flew him to England, changed his clothes because he had pizza stains on him and took him to every Smackdown event with you; I won't question what Edge did with him each week between Smackdowns.
I watch Criminal Minds, I can imagine how you spent your time.
I won't question why Kane didn't attempt to find his dad during this time.
But doesn't this all seem a bit silly? More importantly, hasn't this gone on entirely too long? There have got to be 10 plus segments of that dastardly Edge tricking poor, innocent Kane with dummies. "Hey Kane, here's Paul Bearer. No wait, it's a dummy. I promise this is him this time. SIC!" The only slight variation came when Kane actually pushed Paul Bearer to his apparent death. Well, at least I don't have to sit through WWE's re-telling of a Tom and Jerry episode.
What's worse is Paul Bearer is better than this—he's now a prop.
Here is one of the greatest managers of all time. His promos in the brief time he's been back have been excellent. Now, all he can muster are a few muffled cries and telling the crowd how much he hates them.
That, however, was brilliant and it proves how good he is.
My final bitch about this angle is that WWE obviously realise how dumb the idea is.
They could've gone for a bit more realism. Instead, they threw logic out of the window and had Edge not only be smart enough to constantly trick Kane (you know, Kane who just dominated the Undertaker like no one else has, ever) but he's smart enough to be able to communicate with Kane through the titantron and—much more hilariously—through the TV in Teddy Long's office.
Anyone who lives in Canada and watches Right After Wrestling (by the way, Renee Paquette is a-maz-ing) knows that those guys felt similarly about that aspect of the feud.
In fact, they are all bored of the whole storyline.
So I've moaned about the feud.
Kane went from unstoppable demonic force—the Devil's Favourite Demon, of all things—to some dude who chases slowly after a guy pushing around dummies; Edge went from entertaining heel to bland face.
I guess the kids like it, and sure the audience erupts when Edge makes his entrance. But, for me, I feel like an idiot for watching this go on.
Fortunately in six days, either Edge or Kane will be World Heavyweight Champion.
I have a feeling Edge will win (after all, he has the PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVANTAGE!!!~11! over Kane) and hopefully Alberto Del Rio can quickly feud—and beat—him for the title.
I would rather Kane win to continue his roll and eventually drop the title to an up and coming star however.
Ultimately, I just want TLC to come around so these two can move on to better things.
This has been a long two months which has brought the quality of Smackdown down significantly. If when it was rumoured Smackdown would embrace entertainment over wrestling, I sincerely hope this isn't what they meant, and I sincerely hope this isn't a taste of things to come.