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CBS Interactive filed a lawsuit against the NFLPA after the union's demands of payment—for licensing fees—for CBS's use of NFL players' names and statistics for fantasy football...

CBS Sues NFL Players Union—But Sports Fans Deserve More

by Lisa Horne [HUMOR]

47

1,312 reads

Humor

September 05, 2008


CBS Interactive filed a lawsuit against the NFLPA after the union's demands of payment—for licensing fees—for CBS's use of NFL players' names and statistics for fantasy football. The suit contends that the NFLPA is violating anti-trust laws, and they're right—they are.

Yes, fantasy football has made a lot of money over the years, but the NFL Players Association trying to make a profit over FF's use of its players' names is comical.

If anything, fantasy football has increased the television ratings for NFL games—especially the bad ones—so the NFL should be grateful for the free promotions and extra revenue it receives from the networks and websites. Greedy $#$%$#@.

But since everybody is sue-happy, I have a few lawsuits I would like to file myself. Call it "Lisa Horne's Class Action Suits." I'm more than happy to share the monetary awards we sports fans so justly deserve.


Lisa Horne v. Clemson

For attempting to impersonate a top-20 football team.

 

v. Andy Roddick

For attempting to play tennis with his foot in his mouth, a clear violation of U.S. Open rules.


v. Chad Ocho Cinco

For insulting millions of illegal aliens guest workers and violating their civil rights by incorrectly spelling the Spanish word, Ochenta y Cinco.


v. Tennessee Volunteers

For disturbing the peace by giving Rick Neuheisel another reason to buy more pom-poms than he already has.


v. Ohio State

For medical fraud by already laying the groundwork for a great excuse if the Buckeyes lose to the USC Trojans next Saturday. Just what exactly is wrong with Beanie's foot?


v. NASCAR

For misrepresentation by making Greg Biffle and Kevin Harvick shoo-ins by virtue of pushing the ignition button and lulling Junior Nation to sleep.


v. Jamaica

For emotional distress, mon, after the Jamaican Olympic hurdlers were accused by Sports Illustrated for receiving shipments of steroids before the Olympics, mon.

 

v. South Carolina

For gross air pollution violations when the Gamecocks had both Smelley and Rank in their backfield and caused Nashville city officials to go to Defcon 5 after thinking a toxic spill had permeated the air.


v. NBC

For misrepresentation (of being a serious football network) and FCC violations (airing graphic violence and images that may be too disturbing for young children to watch, parental caution advised) by airing ND vs. SDSU when the competition is offering Ole Miss at Wake Forest, Oregon State at Penn State, and West Virginia at East Carolina.

v. New York Yankees

For making the world less "green" by forcing Yankees fans to wear paper bags over their heads against the Rays.


v. the MLB

For collusion and fraud by having plate umpires who can't keep track of a count (Angels vs. Tigers) and force scoreboard officials to change the correct count to an incorrect count. (Is Todd Donaghy related to this ump?)


v. the city of San Francisco

For a Senate recall. Is anyone really surprised that their state senator is seeking legal opinion on whether or not the LPGA can mandate English as its official language? Don't they have something better to do- like kick an armed forces recruiter or fly arrested illegal immigrants back home at their taxpayers' expense?

v. Krispy Kreme, et al

For creating undue influence on over fifteen college football teams' Athletic Directors' 2008 non-conference schedules and gross neglect for possibly causing players future medical problems due to eating too many calorie-laden cream puffs and cupcakes in the first week of football.


v. the sun

For emotional distress. The sun can't come up fast enough on football Saturdays, and needs to slow down its set in the early evenings.

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47 comments Last one added 10 months ago — Leave a Comment

  1. BabyTate 10 months ago

    I like it! I like It !

    You prepare great humor articles, Lisa.

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  2. Larry Sigurdson 10 months ago

    Jamaica? Krispy Kreme and the sun? Good stuff.

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  3. Mitch at sportschatplace.com 10 months ago

    POTD! Especially coming from "The Dumbest Person in the History of Communication". I'm having T-shirts printed for me, BT, William and everyone who picks against you. I am also having a banner made for the backdrop of my videos for my new website roll out...any day now (finally)I'm still in tears over here. And I thought the MiamiB%&*h stuff was funny on the Cemson website....lol

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  4. Michael Oleszek 10 months ago

    Yeah, I would go along with the San Francisco and California in general. You know, California, the state with the largest Death Row population in the country, one of the most economically depressed areas, higher crime rates in Oakland than New York City, stuff like that. Thank God I Left.

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    • Lisa Horne 10 months ago

      I'm stuck here...will get killed on property taxes and capital gains taxes if we sold our house. It's OK though...we'll all be washed out to sea from an earthquake and all those home prospectors in Arizona will have million dollar beach front homes .

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    • J.C. Ayvazi 10 months ago

      As to the Death Row population, you can alway drop a line thanking Rose Bird.

      Every time someone tells me how much they don't like living in California I tell them, "Hey, it's a big state—plenty of exits. Feel free to use one."

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  5. Justin Goar 10 months ago

    ha, that's funny, smelley and rank.

    i think those are adjectives modifying the noun "gamecock-offense".

    good read.

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  6. David Wunderlich 10 months ago

    Krispy Kreme has been influencing Phillip Fulmer for years.

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  7. 12 10 months ago

    Loved it Lisa. Good, funny stuff.

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  8. Michael Duberstein 10 months ago

    Lisa might know "x"s and "o"s. Humor aside--and what's funny about this drivel--is that she seems to know nothing about antitrust law. Simply put, NFL players sign exclusive GROUP licensing rights agreements with the union for any activity dealing with six or more players. Indeed, were there only five players in the league, CBS could have a case, and Lisa an issue. However, since those agreements were signed willingly and players receive yearly payments of $5,000 and up--depending upon how many times their name and/or signature were used; i.e., Favre makes a lot more than Durant Brooks--there is nothing at stake here. Maybe, just maybe, Lisa should pay attention to the business of sports rather than who zigs and who zags.

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    • Lisa Horne 10 months ago

      Michael-

      What is wrong with this: the Fantasy football gets their stats from a public domain. Furthermore, the names are not trademarked (except for possibly someone like Ocho Cinco). If I am such an idiot, why is CBS filing suit? Are they idiots too?

      I think they have a strong case. If I want to go on-line and make a website called Brett Favre and it's not taken, no one can stop me. It's not trademarked. Furthermore, many websites use names of celebrities, ie- KissingSusyKolber.com. It's legit.

      All fantasy football is doing is taking stats from a public domain (internet, or television ESPN ticker) and plugging them into a system to make money. That's it. They have that right. If the NFL doesn't want that to happen, then they need to stop releasing the stats, but that won't happen because they have to.

      Also, the NFL players may sign a group activity, but FF deals with separate individual players, not any "groups."

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    • L.J. Burgess 10 months ago

      Lame Michael, lame...ohhh you must work for somebody involved!

      That explains your missing sense of humor ;0)

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  9. Joe G 10 months ago

    Pick of the day for me, hilarious stuff!

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  10. Jeremy 10 months ago

    nice stuff. MLB tried the same thing to sue for fantasy sports, but they were over ruled since stats and box scores are public and posted everywhere and the leagues do not control that.

    CBS is just doing this for some free publicity

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  11. Thomas 10 months ago

    haha, love it. POTD for me!

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  12. Sean Crowe 10 months ago

    Sean Crowe vs. Eli Manning

    Not because he won the Super Bowl, but because he and everyone else refuse to admit how lucky those last two and a half minutes really were.

    Three dropped interceptions and a Hail Mary that some dude we never heard of caught on his helmet? Are you kidding me?

    I deserve SOMETHING for being forced to watch that....

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  13. Andrew Kneeland 10 months ago

    Great stuff, Lisa! Keep the humor coming!

    My POTD!

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  14. Saraswathi Siriginia 10 months ago

    Lise, wow the

    "v. the sun

    For emotional distress. The sun can't come up fast enough on football Saturdays, and needs to slow down its set in the early evenings."

    Great great great, I love it! You are a rock star! The usual honors lady L.

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  15. Gray Ghost 10 months ago

    Lise, First of all you are right on target. A perfect example of greed. The NFLPA has found a deepening pocket they think they can get their hands in. Pathetic.

    Secondly, the article was great! Loved the humor. It put some air freshner on a stinkin' situation. Thanks for a good laugh. My POTD.

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    • Thomas 10 months ago

      apparently alot of writers here on the BR are in the mood to laugh and write humor articles. Most of them like urs & this is one is great.

      Keep the humor coming!

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    • Gray Ghost 10 months ago

      Thomas my Friend,

      There are so many serious things going on in the world - it can be depressing if you don't learn to see the humor in life. It does people good to lighten up a bit.

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  1. L.J. Burgess 10 months ago

    Lisa, if you make Krispy Kremes go up in price one more time...

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    • Lisa Horne 10 months ago

      LOL! We actually have one about 20 minutes away from us. Kind of far enough away, if you know what I mean. Unfortunately, In-N-Out burgers is 30 mins away, and once a month, have to have one. By the way, blame Shaq for the high KK prices...ever since he bought some franchises.......

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  2. Jeff Little 10 months ago

    Another Good Read, Lisa. It was hilarious, I love the Smelly and Rank blast. It was my POTD.

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  3. J.C. Ayvazi 10 months ago

    Great stuff Lisa - you should work with Leno and upgrade his material.

    If you really want to sue somebody, I'd like a suit stopping the networks from using those damn drop in adds for some other program during game action. Also the generic music bed outtros after a TD in the college game stepping on the scoring teams band playing their fight song.

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  4. John Fennelly 10 months ago

    Nice work...good to see someone with a sense of humor for once

    JF

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  5. Michael Shibley 10 months ago

    Lisa,

    On behalf of Tennessee I apologize for what happened in the Rose Bowl...but we'll take care of them Southern Style next season in Neyland.

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  6. Michael Duberstein 10 months ago

    Okay, I get "It". Ha, ha, ha.
    So, let's assume CBS as the FF host sells ads and/or otherwise generates a bunch of cash from it. Who gets that money? The fans? The players? The NFL? Nope, it goes straight into the pockets of CBS and its owners.
    Let's see what antitrust law really means. Without it, players would have to provide their own jocks and workout clothes during training camps. That would be funny. Players would have no pensions, no disability programs, would be released without further pay if they dared to get injured, would have to play only for the first team they signed a contract with, would have no grievance policy, the draft would be thirty rounds, they would not be paid for pre-season "exhibitions" or be able to collect any post-season winnings--and on and on.
    Hilarious!!
    Oh, hee hee, fans would not receive televised games of any team other than their home team, if at all, because every game would be on pay-per-view.
    And, do ya think that ticket prices would be lower? Ho, ho, ho, you'd be wrong. But, still funny. Doubled over.
    Okay, I like humor. Good humor. This stuff just ain't that funny and I wonder if Lisa, in her paying job (cause this ain't it) would, ha ha ha, had trained for 15 - 18 years to be the absolute best in her calling and then be denied, ho ho ho, by owners of all her rights.
    Finally, for those of you comedians out there who disparage NFL players for making too much, the way they earn their jobs is by beating out the competition and there's nothing standing between you and a Sunday uniform other than your not trying to beat out the guy that's wearing it now. And, for me, that would be one of the funniest sights ever.
    Keep the curve balls coming Lisa, just do a bit more background about what you're blogging about.
    Malama pono
    mjd

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  7. Michoel Botwinick 10 months ago

    Nice...

    Correction: The sun can't come up fast enough on football SUNDAYS, e.g. the Eagles vs. Rams game tomorrow.

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  8. Mike Greenspire 10 months ago

    Hi, Lisa, tag, you're it!

    I didn't know you had a blog here. Glad I found it! I just wrote a pretty intersting article, if I do say so myself, about the Pirates (the good ones, the ones that win) and how surprisingly well they are doing against ranked opponents. If you could check it out and let me hear your insight on the subject, I'd really appreciate it!

    Take care, and enjoy your Sunday!

    -Mike Greenspire

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  9. Mike Greenspire 10 months ago

    I came and read your bio, and your a Raiders/Redskins fan, huh? Not the glory days of old currently.

    Oh well, every team has their off years. Some teams always have off years. I mean, at least you're not a Bengals fan, right? lol. Take care! GO STEELERS!!!

    -Mike

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  10. William Berry 10 months ago

    I'd like to start a class action suit for everyone who had Sean Alexander in their fantasy tea last year and had Tom Brady this year against the owners of that travesty, the NFLPA.

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