Quick Snaps: NFL Jokes On the Metrodome, Bears, Lions, Panthers, Big Ben, More
Happy holidays everybody. Things got very Christmasy in Minnesota this weekend. The Metrodome is like a real-life snow globe.
The fabric roof tore under the weight of the snow. I’m not an engineer, but why would you build a building in Minneapolis with a fabric roof?
They are going to need a big piece of material to patch it up. How about the jersey of a certain Albert Haynesworth? He’s not using it anymore.
The game had to be moved to Detroit. Favre could not play in the game, but he did text a picture of his snowballs.
Bears and Patriots and Snow, Oh My
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Chicago threw a blizzard for the Patriots game. You know what happens when it gets cold? Bears hibernate.
The weather was so bad in Chicago, many people didn't make it to work. Including the Bears.
The Bears lost by 29 points. But with the wind chill, it felt like 49.
Bears LB Urlacher said before the game that while the Patriots have the better record, the Bears are the better team. The good news: It’s easier to eat your words when they’re frozen solid.
Break His Spirit, Not His Neck
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The Lions won! You never know what’s going to happen. My dad always said what I assume is a Greek expression, “The ball is round…” I would say, "Dad, it’s football. The ball is not round."
The Packers handled the Lions badly. Like Siegfried and Roy.
Packers QB Aaron Rogers left the game with a concussion. So the Lions won the same way as with Roy- they went for the head.
Because of the weather on Sunday my buddy Tom was actually stuck in Detroit. He said, “Now I know how Calvin Johnson feels…”
The Lions are taking longer to rebuild than the World Trade Center. Seriously, it’s been 9 years since 9/11. And nothing yet at ground zero? Who’s in charge of that project? Matt Millen?
Clausen Is a Better Pickle Than QB
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The Falcons had a bye this week. They played the Panthers.
The Panthers lost another one. In other words, "Welcome to Charlotte, Cam Newton!"
The Panthers suck EVERY week. They must not be married.
The Panthers have spent the whole season in the basement. Someone needs to tell them it’s football season. Not tornado season.
Even a Broken Clock Is Right Twice a Day
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Ben Roethlisberger has been wearing a special boot all week to immobilize his sprained right foot. I wonder if that company can make him a jockstrap.
Ben’s nose was broken so badly, the doctor said the X-ray of his nose cartilage looked like a bowl of Corn Flakes. So if he laughs really hard and milk comes out of his nose, he can make breakfast.
A fight broke out after the Steelers game against the Bengals. Even Carson Palmer threw a punch, but it was intercepted.
Does This Picture Need an Appendix?
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The Kansas City offense looked disorganized. Too many Chiefs and not enough appendixes.
QB Matt Cassell had his appendix removed this week. I don’t know what an appendix is, but apparently the ability to beat the Chargers is in it.
No Fly Zone
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A lot of jets were grounded on Sunday. Including the New York Jets.
New York Jets' coach Rex Ryan buried the game ball that was involved in the 45-3 loss last week to the Patriots. First of all, how did the Jets get a game ball? Isn't that for doing something good?
How very New Jersey. Bury the thing that bugs him.
What’s the message? We bury things that we don’t like? What’s he going to do with his dad?
If the Jets keep losing and burying balls, their backyard is going to look like John Wayne Gacy’s.