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Here we go. It's time for me to take random wisecracks at everything in the world of sports. These would be too short to merit their own article, so I am combining them into one article, which will poke fun at anything and everything I can think of.
- Ever watch beach volleyball at the Olympics? Notice how the Brazilian team wears uniforms that say "BRA"? I think that's a pretty accurate description of what they look like.
- And while we are on the Olympics, when will an Andorran shot putter win a gold medal? After all, it would be pretty amusing to see a man with 300 pounds of muscle proudly sing his country's national anthem, which contains the line, "I was born a princess, a maiden." Sure you were...
- Don't you think Brian Cashman, GM of the Yankees and their gigantic payroll, has the best name of any baseball executive?
- If you've ever been to an American football game, you'll see the classic sign with the letter D and a fence. But "defence" is the British spelling of the word. So if you go to a Manchester United game, do the fans hold up pictures of a Fense, whatever that may be?
- Red Sox fans may have Red Sox Nation, but Yankees fans have Yankees Universe. So either Red Sox Nation is located within Yankees Universe, which would prove the Yankees' superiority, or it is in some parallel universe, which would explain a lot about those Red Sox fans.
- There may be no town named Joe, Montana but that won't stop them from wearing his New Jersey.
- So the Rutgers Scarlet Knights, Stanford Cardinal, Louisville Cardinals and St. John's Red Storm have all unveiled black uniforms. How long before the Army Black Knights wear red?
- And how long before the Big East needs to add a Pacific Division? (Credit New York Post columnist Phil Mushnick for these last two.)
- Well, here's what's really going to happen to the Big East. They will soon add so many teams that they stretch all across America. They will attempt to change their name to Conference USA, but when that is taken, they will simply add every team that is in that conference, giving the new Conference USA 40 teams from sea to shining sea. Still not satisfied, they will add the University of Hawaii.
- While we're on the WAC, you know what's really WACK about it? Louisiana Tech is in the Western Athletic Conference. St. Louis University is in the Atlantic 10 (or should I say, Atlantic 14?) Guess who is further east? Yes, St. Louis.
- I mentioned black jerseys earlier. If UConn ever dons black, I think we're going to have to change our alma mater. Right now, the chorus says "Connecticut, Connecticut/thy sons and daughters true/unite to honor thy name/thy fairest white and blue." Should Nike ever take over, perhaps it will become "Connecticut, Connecticut/thy uniforms are wack/Unite to honor thy name/thy fairest white and black." Hopefully it doesn't come to this.
- And while we're on Nike, don't you think it was a bad year for Nike to break out those Miner uniforms for West Virginia in the Backyard Brawl? Well, at least the defense didn't collapse.