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Yes, my fellow Bleacher Creatures, that is the face of anger!!! This article could very well save the future of our beloved website! Some of the most highly respected writers on Bleacher ...

College Football Fans, Help Me Save Bleacher Report!

by Gray Ghost [HUMOR]

125

4425 reads

Humor

September 03, 2008


Yes, my fellow Bleacher Creatures, that is the face of anger!!!

 

This article could very well save the future of our beloved website!

 

Some of the most highly respected writers on Bleacher Report, as well as those in the national media, are in danger of facing serious litigation, unless they refrain from using the word c*pc*ke in their articles.

 

This seems to be especially true of those who write, and those who comment, about college football.

 

The flagrant use of that word has evoked the wrath of loyal fans who are incensed that their teams have been referred to as c*pc*kes, and also those whose teams have been accused of scheduling c*pc*kes.  

 

Unfortunately, the anger is not confined to the world of college football. Chefs, mothers, home-ec. teachers, and party store owners, are all outraged over how such a culinary delight could possibly be compared to such crappy teams.

 

Future Homemakers of America is also getting involved. They have reportedly contacted the same team of lawyers that successfully represented Dunkin' Donuts in proving that the word “cre*m-puf*s” should not be used in referring to out-of-shape football coaches.

 

We are obviously dealing with a highly offensive term.

 

In an attempt to help all of us who love college football avoid a nasty court-room battle, I am providing a list that will eliminate the need to use the “you-know-what” word.

 

These new terms were inspired by a visit to a local candy aisle, and are derived from the products of corporate giants who are too busy to be concerned with sports terminology.

 

Instead of saying “They played a c*pc*ke!”, you would choose one of the terms listed below as a respectable replacement. Here they are:

 

 

Junior Mints

 

All FCS schools.

 

 

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125 comments Last one added 9 months ago — Leave a Comment

  1. J.C. Hagan 10 months ago

    "The state of Michigan has the biggest Milk Duds I've ever seen."

    I'll let someone else take the Goo Goo Cluster pun.

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    • Gray Ghost 10 months ago

      Seems like a good choice to me! Thanks for the comment J.C.

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    • Keith Day 10 months ago

      The Oh How I Hate Ohio State Team plays who? Everyone in the state of Ohio.............I guess they would play a schedule full of "Ho-Ho's"...Merry Christmas for the gifts.........and when they are not on the field or hiring other students to take their tests or write their papers they are hanging out in the Nutty Bars" "...and Terell Pryor and the OL Trader will both feel like Marshmello Cream Pies when the both take helmets to the ribcage in that classic end of season game.....

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    • Gray Ghost 10 months ago

      Keith, you've got the knack for making candy to football analysis! Thanks. I enjoyed the comment!

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    • College Football Fanatic 10 months ago

      Michigan = Milk Duds
      West Virginia = Three Musketeers

      I'm saving this article, lol.

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    • College Football Fanatic 10 months ago

      Michigan = Milk Duds
      West Virginia = Three Musketeers

      I'm saving this article, lol.

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  2. Micah Green 10 months ago

    haha my potd.

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  3. BabyTate 10 months ago

    It's great. But what will become of Cupcake City?

    I'm thinking South Carolina was the '07 Reese's Pieces. Beat Georgia in Athens, beat unbeaten Kentucky, was 6-1(losing only at eventual natl champion LSU) ranked 6th in the country, and then lost the last 5 games in a row and failed to get a Bowl.

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    • Gray Ghost 10 months ago

      BT, Do you know how bad we hate losing to Spurrier! We've had lots of practice! That was a monumental collapse for a team of the Ol' Ball Coach!

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  4. Drew Roberts 10 months ago

    Ahh, but a team can be a Goo Goo Cluster and still good...look at this year's Boise State team.

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  5. Ben Weixlmann 10 months ago

    This is wonderful! Thanks for posting this on my wall!

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  6. David Wunderlich 10 months ago

    Very clever. Good job!

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  7. Lisa Horne 10 months ago

    This is the funniest dang thing I have ever read! POTD, and I may come back tomorrow and vote for it again...it's like Chinese food...you're hungry for more in 3 hours. Hilarious.

    Cupcake Noogies,

    Lise

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    • Gray Ghost 10 months ago

      Thanks Lisa! I got the idea from reading comments on your article and how everyone was so upset about their team getting no respect for playing inferior teams.

      Your compliment was worth the article! Thanks for the pick.

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  8. David Nethers 10 months ago

    I Love this....Just love it...have to share with my wife who is always complaining that my team schedules ....you know whats....Thanks for a great read!

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  9. Brian Hood 10 months ago

    Nice....

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  10. Brian Hood 10 months ago

    my POD

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  11. Darth Dawg 10 months ago

    Hilarious!!! Great article! POTD ofr sure!!!

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  12. Darth Dawg 10 months ago

    *for*

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  13. Thomas 10 months ago

    lol, i laughed at this for a while. Great article, 5 starz & my POTD!

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  14. Timothy Croley 10 months ago

    Thanks for the link. This was great, Gray.

    What about Starburst? A team that is considered a star team but have their bubble burst? Maybe a little corny, just an idea.

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    • Gray Ghost 10 months ago

      Hey Timothy, I saw a link to your article on Bama's win over Clemson on MSN's front page. It took me directly to your article. Just wanted you to know that you are famous!

      Thanks for the comment!

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    • Timothy Croley 10 months ago

      I looked for it but could not find it. I'll keep looking. Thanks for letting me know. And thanks for the laughs today!

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  15. Saraswathi Siriginia 10 months ago

    GG, u are tooooooooo much! loved it!

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  1. Justin Goar 10 months ago

    great stuff, double G!!

    now for some reason i want candy.

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  2. Ryan 10 months ago

    Great work, GG.

    Oh, 2008 Michigan=Goo Goo Clusters.

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  3. GeorgiaDawg 10 months ago

    Great article Ghost... I think we could also refer to Ohio State as a "Zero".... the number of wins vs. SEC teams in a bowl? ZERO !!

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  4. Ashutosh D 10 months ago

    :D Loved it! (one heckuva pic. That's what drew my attention. lol!)

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  5. Sean Crowe 10 months ago

    Nice article, cupcake.

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  6. Jon Grilz 10 months ago

    Wait a second, can I still mock Prince Fielder's preference for cupcakes as his carbohydrate of choice?

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  7. Kevin Paul 10 months ago

    Good stuff here... so wait, does that mean "100 Grand" goes to the team that has players being paid off? And "Good and Plenty" would go to the teams that have enough to win their conference? And... oh nevermind. =)

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    • Gray Ghost 10 months ago

      Thanks Kev, maybe you should develop this with cereal: Post Toasties, Lucky Charms Captain Krunch etc... We could start our dictionary of culinary sports terms........maybe not.

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    • Kevin Paul 10 months ago

      No no, don't dismiss it. We may be on to something here.... or maybe not. I know one thing, you're making me hungry.

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  8. Shawn Withrow 10 months ago

    Great article!

    How about these:

    Teams with long or hard to pronounce names = What-cha-ma-call-its

    Ole Miss = NUTTrageous

    Wyoming = Jolly Ranchers

    Teams with very good passing attacks = Airheads

    Teams with really good defenses = Crunch N Munch

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  9. Dorothy Willis 10 months ago

    Here I was going to suggest the term "cowpies" then I happened to think that would offend the farmers in the Midwest where I live.

    Great article with my favorite type of humor--something everyone can relate to and chuckle at all day long.

    ***** and POTD!

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  10. Michael Bergman 10 months ago

    Pretty funny stuff. So Oklahoma would be a Milk Dud. I'm cool with that.

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  11. Dan Murphy 10 months ago

    On an SEC board that I frequent, someone has started referring to cupcake teams as a "rent-a-win" because the home teams pay these non-BCS and FCS teams huge sums of money to come in and take a beating (if everything works as planned).

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  12. Michael Collins 10 months ago

    Nice. How about Tar Baby for those schools who seem to be knockovers and the opponent gets sucked in and stuck?

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  13. Ebenezer Barnes 10 months ago

    Thanks for the brain candy, GG.

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  14. Lisa Horne 10 months ago

    Dude...this article is all over FOXSports.com...they pubbed it. Congrats! :)

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  15. Dan Boss 10 months ago

    Haha, funny article. Nice read, thanks! POTD!!

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  1. Daniel Spratlin 10 months ago

    Agreed. POTD for me as well.

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  2. Victor Anderson 10 months ago

    This has my POTD vote. Love the article

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  3. Andrew Green 10 months ago

    nice article. dont forget about the whatchamacallit. that crappy I-AA team who nobody knew even existed much less recognized the name of. congrats on making the foxsports frontpage!

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  4. Andy Sprague 10 months ago

    Funny article. Great job. I'm new to this, what does POTD and POD mean? Thanks

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  5. Stefan Vasilev 10 months ago

    haha, funny. Good one, Grey. You got my vote so more people can have a good laugh.

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  6. Lauren Green 10 months ago

    Great article, VERY funny. Congratulations on the article's success, Gray Ghost!

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  7. Vinny Ta 10 months ago

    ...so that means that UGA and their fans will recieve some HERSEY's HUGs?

    haha...great article.

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  8. Larry Sigurdson 10 months ago

    Well Grey Ghost, the spirit must move you. This is great stuff.

    While your humor scores a touchdown, you should know I just answered a call from the Continental Baking Company--they wanted to know how to get in touch with you. Something about serving a subpoena.

    In today's complicated world of political correctness, reality often imitates art. So please be careful about what you write.

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  9. Tim Parent 10 months ago

    "Goo Goo Clusters: 'Goo Goo' is the sound a baby makes. This handle is reserved for a very young team with no experience."

    This also works for vice-presidential nominees

    Good piece, GG!

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  10. Ryan Staab 10 months ago

    Tears in my eyes from laughter. Personally, I prefer "creampuff" when referring to easy teams. POTD.

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  11. RedRaider Red 10 months ago

    Hahahaha.. hilarious! POTD man!

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  12. Jim Neveau 10 months ago

    Great piece. I am a big fan of college football, and you have given me a glossary of terms that I can use to befuddle my friends during the game! POTD

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    • Gray Ghost 10 months ago

      Thanks Jim! My new book "All I Needed Ever to Know About Football I Learned At the Table" will be out soon! Thanks for the pick!

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  13. Mitch at sportschatplace.com 10 months ago

    It's posts like these why maybe there should be a "greatest hits" tab..
    Nice one Ghost

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  14. Gage Arnold 10 months ago

    Yea Gray Ghost this is Gold Man! Great Article and I love the whole setup! Well done, and I'm looking forward to more!

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  15. 12 10 months ago

    Absolutely hilarious! I'm praying Bama doesn't turn out to be a Milk Dud. Great article. My POTD.

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  1. JokersWild 10 months ago

    Very funny I suddenly have the munchies Is Twinkie now deemed offensive?

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  2. Matt Gilmartin 10 months ago

    Nothing but hilarity. Excellent article, really funny. Five stars, favorite article, Pick of the Day. And you've earned yourself another fan. I don't make someone a favorite writer very much.

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  3. Geoff Townsend 10 months ago

    My POTD without question. Well composed and hilarious.

    What would constitute a Shock Tart?

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  4. Jimson Cuenta 10 months ago

    "Butterfingers

    Refers to those teams who once had a top ranking, but were unable to hold on. Clemson gets a free year's supply."

    Hey, I got a better one for this:

    Butterfingers

    Refers to the 2007 Notre Dame Fighting Irish football team!

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  5. Reggie Garcia 10 months ago

    Hahaha...This made me laugh even though i am in a catastrophic amount of pain (sprained ankle)

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  6. Chris Radez 10 months ago

    Nice ... good job!

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  7. mel stewart 10 months ago

    I went to Vandy...but I'm not a "Nerd".
    Hell, I have a Harley Davidson umbrella.
    Great piece G.G.! My POTD

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  8. Lew Wright 10 months ago

    Hey GG,

    Awesome concept written brilliantly! Dude, you rock!

    What about dumping "juggernaut" for "Good and Plenty"? Or exchanging "Quarterback U" for "Top Gun School"?

    Excuse me while I head over to the store to pickup a boatload of junkfood. You got me cravin' dude!

    An obvious POTD.

    Lew

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  9. Lisa Horne 10 months ago

    Was there ever any doubt this should POTD? Well deserved! You rock! :)

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    • Gray Ghost 10 months ago

      Thanks Lisa! It surpised me how this took off. I am glad so many got a good laugh. I'm looking forward to week two of CFB - and can't wait to see how you rate the teams!

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  10. Julian Rosario 10 months ago

    Great article man, I like the creativity.

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  11. Silver Fox 10 months ago

    Extremely creative! Nice work!

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  12. Gray Ghost 10 months ago

    Thanks Silver! I have had some great times in NC on vacation. Frankiln, Brasstown etc... BTW, I love the picture of UGA on your profile!

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  13. Scott Pusich 9 months ago

    One of my own schools (at least--two is more like it) is guilty of deliberately scheduling and playing cupcakes to pad its record. Said school did NOT deserve the BCS bowl berth it received last season (those who want to know, just take a look at my profile... *grin*...)

    I agree with you. We shouldn't let thin-skinned fans prevent us from calling a c*pc*ke a c*pc*ke. In fact, any TRUE fan worth his or her salt should be the first to level that charge at his or her school, should they indulge in this sort of pastry-mongering behavior.

    And one of my recent articles has the word "cre*m-puf*" in the TITLE. *GASP!!!* Heh heh...

    Keep up the good work!

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    • Gray Ghost 9 months ago

      Thanks Scott! I'm just glad that the DAWGS never schedule c*pc*kes! Nyuk! Nyuk! :)

      I read your article - excellent!

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