College Football's Week One All-Chump Team

College football has begun—well, for most teams.  There are those that didn’t show up over the weekend.  Don’t worry though, they get awards too—specifically, they're named to the All-Chump Team for Week One.

Here they are: Read ‘em and weep!

College Football: The Week One All-Chump Team

QUARTERBACK

Starter

Tommy Beecher, South Carolina

12 for 22, 106 yards, four INT

While Beecher stunk up the joint, Smelley was a breath of fresh air.

Backup

Sean Glennon, Virginia Tech

14 for 23, 139 yards, two INT

It’s time for the Hokies to remove Tyrod Taylor’s redshirt and replace it with...well, a red shirt—maroon red, that is.

RUNNING BACK

Starters

James Davis and C.J. Spiller, Clemson Tigers

Combined for eight carries and 20 yards rushing against Alabama

Clemson’s dynamic duo only running for the big two-oh?  That simply won’t get it done.

Backup

LeSean McCoy, Pittsburgh

23 carries for 71 yards

One would expect more production from a Heisman dark horse against a Bowling Green team that allowed 208 rushing yards per game in 2007.  Correction—former Heisman dark horse.

WIDE RECEIVER

Starter

Brian Robiskie, Ohio State

Three catches for 41 yards versus a lackluster Youngstown State team

Sure, the Buckeyes blanked the Penguins in Week One, but going forward, Ohio State is going to need more from Robiskie and the offense if they want to win the Big Ten.

Backup

Demetrius Byrd, LSU

Three catches for 34 yards against Appalachian State

He didn’t really need a big game in this one, but as one of the better receivers in the country, you would expect flashier numbers from Byrd, who needs to step up with guys like Early Doucet gone to the NFL.

TRENCHES: O-LINE & D-LINE

Starter

North Carolina D-Line

No sacks vs. McNeese State

Someone in powder blue has to be picked on—especially after the supposedly much-improved Heels struggled to defeat McNeese State.

Backup

South Carolina O-Line

Allowed five sacks to North Carolina State during their 34-0 victory.

Even shutouts can be deceiving.  The Wolfpack may have been blanked on the board, but they exposed holes on the Gamecocks by getting five sacks, along with four picks of Beecher.

RUSH DEFENSE

Starter

Towson

Allowed 558 yards rushing to Navy, including a Midshipmen school record 348 yards by Shun White on 19 carries.

OK, so the Tigers are a 1-AA team, but nearly 600 yards on the ground? Some teams don’t give up that total over half a season.

Backup

Clemson

Gave up 239 total yards on the ground to Alabama in a 34-10 loss

‘Bama had two backs with 90-plus yards on the ground, one of which was Glen Coffee.   I guess it’s true—caffeine will kill ya.

PASS DEFENSE

Starter

Missouri

Allowed 451 yards and five TDs to Juice Williams (Illinois)

Thank goodness for Chase Daniel and that potent offense, because the Missouri secondary couldn’t cover Bea Arthur in the open field.

Backup

Stanford

Allowed 404 yards passing and two 150-yard receivers in their win against Oregon State

Sammie Stroughter and Shane Morales each had at least a 12-pack of catches (one had 13).  The last time I saw two 12-packs come and go that fast, I was at John Daly’s house.

SPECIAL TEAMS

Starter

Virginia Tech

Punt blocked for TD with under two minutes to go

The Hokies' special teams group was decent throughout, but when it was crunch time, they gave up the play that ultimately lost them the game.

Backup

Scott Blair, Georgia Tech

0-2 FGs and 5-6 on extra points versus Jacksonville State

OK, so the Yellow Jackets didn’t need the points this week, but with Boston College as Tech’s next opponent, Blair is going to have to stop kicking like Ray Finkle.

Laces out!