Funniest Football Quotes

Andrew BarrySenior Analyst IAugust 30, 2008

After seeing some rather bizarre quotes in the American football camps, I decided to share with the world the wonderful, weird, and funniest football quotes. they range from some absolute clangers to just the downright stupid.

Even the big names usually spared from embarassment feature, and it goes to show when you're in the mood, you can say some pretty odd things. So sit back and enjoy the following quotes and then vote on the worst and most stupid quote of all.

"England now have three fresh men, with three fresh legs."—Jimmy Hill.

Thank God Jimmy Hill isn't...well...God

"If history is going to repeat itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."—Terry Venables

And the winner for stating the bleeding obvious is...

"They didn't change positions, they just moved the players around."—Terry Venables

Another entry from Terry—so what is the definition of changing positions?

"Venison and Butcher are as brave as two peas in a pod."—John Silett

We all know how brave those vegtables are...

"I think that France, Germany, Spain, Holland, and England will join Brazil in the semi-finals."—Pele

Can someone explain the meaning of semi-final to Pele?

"Kevin Keegan has now tasted the other side of the fence."—Dave Merrington

And the taste of a fence is what, Dave?


"He never fails to hit the target, but that was a miss."—Bobby Robson

Talk about a contradiction...


"Roy Keane, his face punches the air..."—Alan Brazil

We know he's amazing but...

"He is like an English equivalent of Teddy Sheringham."—Trevor Brooking

And where's Teddy Sheringham from?

"Argentina won't be at Euro 2000 because they're from South America."—Kevin Keegan

Kev clearly owns a globe.


"Hungary is very similar to Bulgaria. I know they're different countries..."—Kevin Keegan

Yet again, that globe is handy.


"Goalkeepers aren't born today until they're in their late 20s or 30s."—Kevin Keegan

The labour pains must be unbearable.

'No money in the world can buy a white England shirt."—Alan Shearer

£30 in JJB...

Interviewer: "Would it be fair to describe you as a volatile player?"
David Beckham: "Well, I can play in the centre, on the right, and occasionally on the left side."

Dictionary for Beckham.

"We lost because we didn't win."—Ronaldo

The basics of football are well-known to the Brazilian star.

"The first 90 minutes are the most important in football."—Bobby Robson

The closing word goes to Bobby, and yet another odd statement.

Any more to add? Leave a comment.