Big Orange Roundtable: Week 8

lawvol gate21.netSenior Analyst IAugust 29, 2008

This Week’s Roundtable is hosted by: Loser With Socks

A Day Late, and a Dollar Short…

This week’s Big Orange Roundtable is hosted by Jai Eugene over at Loser With Socks.  As has been the case for most of my life over the past few months, I am running behind, so I’ll get right down to it.

Here are my thoughts for the week:

Week 8

(Questions in Sort-o-Teal-like color)

1)  In a perfect world, what time would your UCLA Kick-off start?

I’m with Thomas over at YMSWWC in wishing for a 7:00 pm EST start.  I know that there are a lot of folks that live out on the left coast, and that they’d rather not have the game start at 4:00 pm their time, but … well … they should’ve thought of that before moving out there.

Besides 90% of the people who are actually going to watch the game will be from SEC Country anyway.  Of the remaining 10%, aside from UCLA’s 3 real fans and Rick Neuheisel’s mother, all the other folks watching the game will be SEC transplants on the West Coast who are used to having weird times for quality football games — like 4:00 am on a Tuesday.

Of course, based upon my experience from making the trip out to LA for the 1997 Tennessee - UCLA game, most (at least 5 - 7,000 of them or so) of the SEC transplants will already be at the game drowning out the deafening silence that is so usually associated with UCLA home football games.  I mean, I’m glad that UCLA gives 15 - 20,000 seats at every game to the disadvantaged youth from the LA area, but it’s not much of a home field advantage.

To the UCLA fans’ credit, however, there is a special helmet that the team occasionally wears — just to salute their fans.

Hmm… not exactly the same as being at an SEC stadium…

2) Sometimes doing the right thing is tough. Sometimes we have to choose between bad and worse.  I have known snipers that get bothered even though what they did was absolutely right. It seems being a coach would have some similar circumstances. Did you think that  Coach Fulmer and staff ever lose any sleep over their choices?

Of course I’m not privy to everything that goes on in the Tennessee football program, so I’m just speculating (which has never stopped me before).  Ignoring that, I imagine that the Great Punkin is much more likely to lose sleep over the painful realization that he still has several more weddings to pay for as his daughters grow older, than he is to lose sleep over matters pertaining to his decisions as a football coach.

Fulmer is many things — great football coach, awe-inspiring orator, terror at the Chinese Buffet, dancing phenom, master of international diplomacy, winner of the world quilting competition, beloved figure in the State of Alabama, his lawyer’s best client, man of distinction — but I have always felt that he is a man of great integrity who always trusts his gut (no pun intended) and does what he believes is right, as Willie Nelson so aptly described:

And every time I follow what I’m feeling, I end up in the same place my heart would have me go.

If there’s one rule in life I trust, it’s everything outside your gut, ain’t necessarily so.

– Willie Nelson

My experience is that that Fulmer generally trusts his instincts and he rarely second guesses himself.  The case of the phrase “Randy Sanders, Offensive Coordinator” is a good example of that.  Thus, I’d be highly surprised if there are many things from his career he regrets in that way.

The same would be true for “Smilin’ Mike” Hamilton, perhaps with the exception of his having attended Clemson, which is … well … bad, but at least he now has 2 reasons to pull against Alabama this weekend.

3) Nick Saban is going to start 10 freshman against Clemson.  Why is he doing this and did he just buy another year of grace from the Red Elephant Club?

So, Slick Nicky wants to try playing with 10 freshman.  Well, more power to him, but it’s going to be a long night at the Georgia Dome if he does.

My guess is, however,  that one of several things is actually going on here:

  1. He’s lying.
  2. He believes that if he sets the bar low for the game against the Tigers — by being able to claim that he was handicapped by having largely freshmen on the team — the Bammer faithful won’t call for his head after the first game.
  3. After a long talk with Mike Shula over martinis in the bathtub, Saban has realized that he can make just as much money doing absolutely nothing other than admiring himself in the mirror, and thus hopes a 65 - 0 loss on national television will get him fired and a chance to start living the easy life.
  4. He’s an idiot.
  5. He finally realized that all those bribes he gave local judges in Alabama — though improving his chances of getting out of speeding tickets — are not going to result in all of his regular starting convicts players being released.
  6. When asked by Pete Rose — for reasons Pete said he simply couldn’t go into — Saban agreed to play the freshmen.
  7. The 10 freshmen are all the brothers of the girls down at the “Brass Pole Gentlemen’s Club” and the girls said if Nick gave their brothers a shot, they’d make it worth his while.

Yeah, it’s probably a little of all of them…

4) Critique Lou Holtz as a ESPN “analyst”. Irish and Cock Homer or scripted live rassler?

Lou Holtz is endearing in much the same way as a massive roadside accident scene — deeply troubling, but you really cannot help but look.  Though likable enough as a personality, his thoughts are really pretty inane, and his resemblance to Granny Clampett is quite troubling.

In then end, I would compare his analysis to being strapped into a chair and forced to watch 20 consecutive episodes of “The Power Rangers” — you can actually feel yourself getting stupider with each passing second.  Perhaps Lou should consider re-opening his restaurant business he started while coaching the South Carolina Gamecocks — it might be more in line with his talents as a spokesperson.

What would the Colonel think?

The Rest of the Roundtable:

Having wasted your time on my largely meaningless and insignificant thoughts for this week, go check out what the other roundtablers (who actually know what they are talking about) have to say (in no particular order):

As always I never fail to disappoint…

– Go Figure …Email lawvol

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