Just What Are Sarah Palin's Hockey Mom Credentials, Anyway?

Tim ParentSenior Writer IAugust 29, 2008

CNN was salivating at the mouth like a hungry dog about to get its Kibbles & Bits with a side steak. 

Barack Obama's speech was Thursday's news. On this Friday morning, Presidential nominee John McCain was about to announce his running mate. 

Throughout the morning, you could see it in the faces and hear it in the voices of the reporters, who would he pick?  It was as if Jesus Christ himself was about to appear in Ohio and dammit, CNN was going to be first on the story!

At one point, the network even played its fancy BREAKING NEWS graphic, bold letters flashing by the screen, not unlike the desperate promise of big money at the slot machine!

We got the same result. No payoff. As it turned out the breaking news was that the network was still waiting for an announcement from the McCain camp. 

Breaking news, indeed! 

Finally the moment of truth arrived and out walked the completely inexperienced, somewhat milf-ish Sarah Palin, governor of Alaska, aka Alaska's hockey mom.

Hockey mom, huh? That got me thinking. Just what are Palin's credentials when it comes to being a hockey mom?

With CNN running every little tidbit of information it could scrounge from its sources, it was discovered that Palin arrived in Ohio, late last night, by private jet. 

Last time I checked, hockey moms drove minivans loaded up with equipment and excitable children, and only in the wee hours of the morning, not late at night. 

Palin is from the small Alaskan town of Wasilla, a suburb of Anchorage. No matter where she's from in the state, I can safely say that never before has a professional sports league set up shop in Alaska, although it would seem a suitable choice for the NHL. 

Regardless, hockey moms know their sons and daughters breathe hockey, but has she ever taken any of her five children to an NHL game? 

The closest NHL city to Wasilla is Edmonton, a 1915 mile, 35-hour trek. Perhaps Mrs. Palin can address that issue to us hockey fans paying close attention to the upcoming election? Hmmm? I urge Joe Biden to bring it up when the two go head to head in a debate. Ask her if she's been following the Oilers.

I surfed on over to hockeymoms.com and discovered that hockey moms, "...serve the community of women whose children play hockey at any level. Your life is about Hockey, and also about being a Mom, partner, and woman."

All excellent points however, does Palin fit the bill? When it comes to being a mom, partner, and woman, she's got those three down pat. 

But is her life about hockey? I would suggest to you, NO SIR!

She has dedicated the last couple of years of her life to serve her community and now, she will attempt to serve her country as McCain's Costello to his Abbott, Darth Vader to his Emperor, Jagr to his Lemieux.

I've never held the post, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say, there's probably a lot of paperwork involved, lots of meetings, and closed door diplomacy. 

Where would she find time for hockey? The answer is, she wouldn't be able to. 

Hockey mom? Maybe she was, once. Now, she's not. 

If she wants to redeem herself, should she become the Vice President, she should wear a Washington Capitals jersey on inauguration day. That, my friends, would be proof she is still dedicated to the game of hockey. 

(If she does don a Caps jersey, though, I wouldn't suggest putting Alexander Ovechkin's name on the back since things are a little testy with Russia these days. Can you say awkward?) 

And so, with only a few short months left in this campaign, and a few short weeks until the puck drops, hockey fans will wait and see just where Palin's hockey mom priorities lie should she secure a victory. 

All I can say is, I better see a couple of minivans parked outside of Number One Observatory Circle come the end of January!



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