A) It's great to see college football on TV again, even if it's South Carolina and N.C. State.
B) Man, these guys look slow.
C) Hope the N.C. State quarterback's okay.
D) South Carolina's kicker is named "Succop." Hahaha. Even Fowler made fun of it.
E) Jesse, baby: Please take the halftime opportunity to retie your tie. The tip must at least *touch* the top of your belt buckle. Right now, it's hovering a good three inches above it. That may have worked on "The Bachelor," but not here, son.
F) Oregon State: Bad unis, worse nickname.
G) "Ask Dr. Lou?"
H) Whole sections of the Stanford stadium are empty.
I) The abolition of the five-yard facemask penalty—this year, all facemasks get 15 yards —will add 150 yards to Noel Devine runs this season.
J) If I wasn't so irritated by Lou Holtz, I would feel sorry for him. ESPN is now trotting him out like a decrepit sideshow freak and making him dance. "What can we make Lou do now?" The "Dr. Lou" segment is only his most recent indignity. The aphorism-spouting doppleganger for Granny from "The Beverly Hillbillies" makes the wit and wisdom of the late Erma Bombeck seem cutting-edge. Mother-in-law jokes, Lou?
K) Fowler gives Jesse a red rose in homage to "The Bachelor." (The tie, Jesse! Fix the tie!) Craig James makes obligatory and expected homophobic joke.
L) Erin Andrews: Also back for another season.
M) What color would you say that field is at Stanford? Sage? Eucaplyptus?
N) I think Jim Harbaugh could be played in the movie version of the Stanford Cardinal by Bill Paxton in "Aliens:" "We're screwed!"
O) And Tom O'Brien left Boston College for N.C. State. Why?
P) Gotta say: Kinda rooting for Stanford.
Q) The crowd at Stanford sounds about as enthusiastic as the crowd at a Wednesday game between the Braves and the Astros on TBS in the mid'-80s.
R) Okay, this South Carolina-N.C. State game is unwatchable. At least it's still daylight in Palo Alto. And one of the announcers is Jack Arute, which to me always sounded like a baby Australian animal of some sort. "Crikey! Watch out for the Jackaroots when ya'r driving about the Outback, mate!"
S) Most compelling programming to come out of South Carolina-N.C. State game thus far: QB's injuries limited to concussion, it appears. Which is good news, considering he was immobilized and carted out on a stretcher. Game still stinks.
T) Notable Stanfordian: Condi Rice. Notable Oregon Statian: Linus Pauling. We'll call that a push. (Note: Famous Oregon State alums listed on a Web site under the heading, "Amazing Beavers." Okay, you've got to know what you're doing when you write this.)
U) Why on Earth does the NCAA still allow South Carolina to call themselves the "Gamecocks?" The NFL would never allow one of its teams to call itself the Redski...never mind.
V) I cannot believe WVU's offense—for that matter, Villanova's offense—will look as inept on Saturday as any of the four offenses I'm watching right now.
W) Tositos with a Hint of Lime: delicious!
X) By dint of its 40-7 win over Eastern Kentucky, Cincinnati is in first place in the Big East.
Y) Sigh. Jesse refuses to fix his tie. In fact, I think it's actually getting shorter as the game drags, er, goes on.
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3 months ago
Very funny! I love Tostitos with a hint of lime as well. They are delicious!
3 months ago
Good article.
3 months ago
Dude, I share your sentiments on Jesse's tie. What in the world? I also agree that the majority of the Thursday night ESPN game was unwatchable. I was starting to worry that I'd lost my sense of enjoyment of the game. (That sense of worry went away around 9:00 p.m. on Saturday night as I watched Alabama slobberknock Clemson up and down the Georgia Dome Turf).
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