After eight freaking months of waiting, College Football Nation will be treated to the best college football teams in the nation playing these teams in the first week:
Coastal Carolina, Youngstown State, Maine, Eastern Illinois, Southern Illinois, Northern Colorado, Chattanooga, Eastern Washington, South Dakota State, Delaware, McNeese State, Charleston Southern, Jacksonville State, James Madison, Northern Arizona, Villanova, Tenn.-Martin, Eastern Kentucky, Hofstra, Georgia Southern, Appalachian State, and Western Illinois.
Now you don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that these teams are all cupcakes.
After all, if the directional words "Northern," "Southern," "Eastern," or "Western" are part of the school's name (emphasis on the "ern", it's usually a cupcake.
If it's named after a president or has multiple consecutive vowels/consonants and six syllables, it's usually a cupcake.
If it has a hyphenated name, it's always a cupcake.
If it's named after a mountain range, river or has an foreign-sounding name, it's a cupcake.
And heavens to Betsy, if it has a pretty adjective in its name—i.e. "Coastal"—it's a Little Debbie snack cake.
Are we supposed to be impressed with these games? Are they worth the 40-plus dollars per ticket? Does anyone really thump their chests after beating Western Carolina 62-0?
The BCS could start a bakery with all these cream puffs—yet no one complains.
Could it be that money has caused BCS teams to schedule these sugary confections to beef up their win totals and land a bowl? Of course!
Win all three cupcakes, plus four conference games, and your team could be rewarded for its "winning" season. Congratulations BCS—you have officially wimped out college football.
Of course, scheduling one cupcake isn't good enough for the ACC.
Clemson, Florida State, and Va. Tech (includes probie Western Kentucky) have decided to pig out and feast on two cupcakes. And they wonder why pundits have called their conference "watered down."
Isn't it demeaning to schedule games out of your division? Isn't that the equivalent of the Red Sox playing the Little League champs?
Is it really that impressive when you give Mary Poppins State a beatdown of such epic proportions that ESPN will barely mention the game on their College GameDay Show? What in the name of William and Mary is going on?
The NCAA needs to stop this farce immediately. Division I-A football is the best collection of football teams in the country, yet some teams are afraid to play all 12, sometimes 13, games against their own peers.
The fact of the matter is that only five schools have not scheduled FCS schools since at least the '70s: Notre Dame, Michigan State, USC, UCLA, and Washington. Give them a hand—all five of those schools have won at least one National Championship.
They succeeded without benefit of the cupcake. The cupcake indeed has changed the way football teams operate and destroyed some football fans' logical thought process.
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