White Sox Lose Marathon Four Month Game

In a game that many thought would never end, the weary White Sox walked off the field after losing to the Baltimore Orioles in a game that took 120 days to finish.

The final score was estimated at 4-3 after umpires and even the electronic scoreboard lost count after 100 runs were scored by each team. "4-3? That sounds about right," said an obviously exhausted home plate umpire, who went through 1,062 sweat-soaked shirts and lost 272 pounds during the game.

The game started normally enough, on a stormy day in April. But as the players trudged through weather changes, the bright sunshine and heat of July, through the darkness of night, it became quickly evident to many of the fans in attendance that this was no normal game.

As one Sox fan noted, "We have jobs we need to go to and the kids need to go to school to finish the school year. Then, they need to go back to school in August. A working man can't possibly stay for the whole thing." At some points in the game, there were as few as no one in the stands, making it difficult for the players to concentrate.

"You would think that not having women in the crowd would help us concentrate on the game more," said A.J. Pierzynski. "But the quiet is deafening, man. You know? It's like, this maddening buzz all around and it just won't stop. God, it just wouldn't stop," he sobbed.

Other sleep-deprived players were unable to focus following the marathon session. "I was a starting player when the game stated, but by the time it ended, this kid they call Junior stole my fricken' job," Paul Konerko said.

All Manager Ozzie Guillen could utter was, "Gays. They're everywhere. Damn gays. F--- you all, f--- your mama."

Juan Uribe set an all-time Major League record by starting a game, being released, clearing waivers, and being reinstated by the team during the same game. Carlos Quentin set a modern day record with 62 hits, 15 of them home runs in the loss.

Sixteen babies were born, and four unlucky fans died during the game. The winning pitcher for Baltimore was someone who nobody recognized.

"Dadgum long chaw of tobacco," said Hawk. Apparently that has something to do with it having been a long game.

Ozzie Guillen was so confused, he was spotted making out with a guy after the game.

The Sox next game is at Wrigley Field versus the Cubs in the World Series in October. No, no, just kidding. Can't expect you to fall for that one. Why, that's just crazy.