Just so we’re all on the same page, this article is completely objective. There is hard evidence to back up every single one of these on this list. There is no debate.
What red-blooded male hasn’t thought about what it would be like to step into a ring/cage and stare down your opponent all the while thinking, “should I finish him with the gogoplata or the Peruvian necktie?”
Well, here’s your chance to let your voice be heard but keep in mind, this list is without fault and shall come to be known as the end all, be all for submission lists.
We start off with the guillotine choke or if you have been watching this season of The Ultimate Fighter, the Mckenzie-tine.
It seems that almost every single person who steps into the cage these days has a wrestling background.
Some are Olympians and some are “one time back in middle school, I stepped on the mat.” No matter their skill level, they rely on the takedown.
And with that influx of wrestling, the number of guillotine chokes is starting to skyrocket. It’s so simple, anyone can do it. On the flip side, it’s so simple anyone can get choked out from it too.
This choke makes the list piggy-backing on the guillotine. Let’s say you have a little better takedown defense and manage to sprawl against a shot. If you can achieve that front headlock/under the arm position, you’re halfway there.
Anytime you see someone stuff the shot, the announcer (especially Joe Rogan) says “oh, and he’s looking for the anaconda.” Goldie will understand what he is talking about one day.
I almost forgot the best part about this choke; the name!
I admit there’s only been five of these ever recorded in sanctioned MMA bouts which makes it sort of difficult to defend being on this list. Having said that, anyone that can bend their knee and contort their hips to pull this one off is truly a badass. I’m looking at you Mr. Imes.
While tough to secure, it is a nasty choke. Have you ever felt a shinbone drive against your throat? Yeah, not a pretty sight.
For all you WWE fans, this ranking has nothing to do with the fact that the Undertaker started using it in his “matches.” And truth be told, I haven’t ever witnessed the miraculous feat of a 7-foot man doing it.
Okay, the necktie makes its way on here simply due to its incredible name. Seriously, who can argue that a name that sounds like it is part of The Godfather trilogy doesn’t deserve to be on this list.
All kidding aside, if this move is secured correctly, it’s a quick tap. The pressure on the neck is unbearable and you will find yourself begging for mercy in mere seconds.
The one fault I can find is that Dollaway used it successfully at UFC Fight Night 14. Then again, he did use it on Jesse Taylor so I’ll let it slide. Diaz gets the picture because you wouldn't guess how difficult it is to find a picture of a Peruvian necktie on B/R.
If there was any submission that is the poster boy of MMA, it has to be the triangle choke.
If properly secured, you won’t even know you were out until you come to. It has ended many fights across the world.
Being on the bottom (most of the time), using your legs and arms to wrap up your opponent is the epitome of “the gentle art.”
Another reason I rank it up there is that it was used from the very beginning of MMA thanks to Royce Gracie.
As with any list, some moves had to be left off. Here are the honorable mentions:
Rear Naked Choke - This one probably should have made the list with how many times it has been used to end fights but this was the top five, not the top six.
D'Arce - I personally love this choke since it's so similar to the Anaconda. For some reason, I find this one a little easier to apply than most chokes.
Armbar - Both from your back or from the top this is one of the most commonly used moves in MMA. It's just not quite flashy enough for this top five list.
What say you, America?