Washington Football: How Can The Huskies Beat The Ducks?

With quarterback Jake Locker out with a broken rib, the long odds for a Husky win at Autzen Stadium got even longer.  Given the vast differences between the teams' performance this year, it may take a miracle to get a W for the Huskies this weekend.  The following represent just a few of the possible ways that the Huskies can win this game!

Mount Hood Eruption

Mt Hood needs more smoke than this!
Phil Inglis/Getty Images

I don't know if Mount Hood is a volcano or not - but it - or some other mountain nearby needs to erupt, and have all of the ash fall in Eugene.  Burying the stadium turf, forcing the cancellation of the game.   The Northwest elements have played a role in Husky victories in the past, and this will be their crowning moment!

Laptop Scandal Involving All 11 Offensive Starters

Can Masoli help the Dawgs win a game?
Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

Imagine the news briefs, after taking a break from Ole Miss, Jeremiah Masoli returns from Ole Miss for the week, and convinces all 11 offensive starters to join him in a laptop raid from another dorm.  The Ducks' offense has been too fast for opposing defenses, so the odds are they can outrun the police cruisers on foot!  But they can't outrun the radio, and thus end up in jail instead of on the field on Saturday.

WWE Referees Hired For Pac-10 Tilt

The blood even looks real - imagine a few well placed yellow flags!!
Paul Kane/Getty Images

The Huskies will definitely need an edge in this game.  When wrestlers need an edge, they only have to look as far as the World Wrestling Entertainment staff to find the right kind of support their needs.  The Huskies can use the same approach.  Heck, Defensive Coordinator Nick Holt brings a wrestler's mentality to the sidelines, and if a ref were to look the other way, he could make a few plays on the field.  

Ducks Bring In Brad Childress As Honorary Head Coach

That looks like the face of a head coach who is used to challenging teams!
Adam Bettcher/Getty Images

If the Ducks wanted to help recruiting, they could bring in Brad Childress for the game.  In the space of an afternoon, he could lose the locker room, offend the quarterback, and drop LaMichael James on the depth chart.  

Given those kinds of shrewd moves, the Huskies could easily win the contest, and earn back some of their lost pride.  

Shortly thereafter, Nike would state that their contract with Oregon is "under review".  

NCAA Launches Investigation Of Oregon On Friday Night

How long did it take SMU to recover from the death penalty??
Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

With former University of Washington President Mark Emmert now heading up the NCAA, it's not beyond the realm of possibility that the NCAA investigates University of Oregon just prior to the game.  

Given the blood vendetta that the NCAA has toward the teams at the top of the Pac-10 (USC, Washington, etc), this investigation really wouldn't be all that suspicious.  I mean Nike is what, an hour away??  How clear does it have to be?  Do I need to draw a picture?

Chip Kelly Goes All D.B. Cooper and Disappears

Would the Duck lead Chip Kelly astray?
Steve Dykes/Getty Images

Given the huge point spread for a home game, Chip Kelly decides to take a long weekend off, and charters a plane for warmer climates.  However, when it arrives, he's not on it, and no one can find him.

His absence throws the team in disarray, and Mike Bellotti says he won't return to the sidelines to cover for him, unless he can get another mysterious $3M buyout at the end of the game.  

The Patriots Fill In For The Dawgs

Tom never got to win a big game in college, so now is the time.
Jim Rogash/Getty Images

Given the fact that Tom Brady never really played at Michigan, he really missed out on the collegiate experience.  So, to truly feel a tough college game, he agrees to play at Autzen on only one condition - that he bring his entire team with him.  

With that offensive line, the Dawgs control the scoring, and the Patriots Defense (with Belichick in a bald wig) devastates the Ducks offense.  

Simple plan and the Dawgs win.

Good Lord Willin' and The Creeks DO Rise

Puddles would be the only one swimming after the game
Jonathan Ferrey/Getty Images

With all the rain of late, it's not inconceivable that the Willamette River suddenly overflows its banks.  Due to some fluke, the water cascades down the streets and pours into Autzen stadium. 

The wall of water is so strong, it rips the turf off the field, and also - miraculously - destroys all of those hideous Nike uniforms, leaving the ducks only their old solid color yellow and green uni's.   

If the creek does indeed rise like this, the game will be cancelled, and the Dawgs will live to fight another day!

Huskies Actually Play Out Of Their Minds

Can Polk carry the Dawgs?
Stephen Dunn/Getty Images

While not all of these items are serious, the possibility, however remote, is that the Huskies play well, are coached well, and shock the world.  

Granted, they haven't shocked anyone but USC, but it's out there.  They could just get career games out of every player on the roster, and the Ducks could make mistakes.  

The closer this game gets, the more pressure will be on the Ducks.  However, given the state of the Dawgs, it won't be close after about 3 minutes.  

We hope you've enjoyed this little dream of how the Dawgs can win.