NASCAR Will Launch Economy Series in 2009 (Humor)

It's official—NASCAR's new Economy Series takes off next spring.

In an unprecedented move, NASCAR has decided enough is enough.

"High gas prices and economic woes are causing stress not only on our fans, but low budget teams also,"  says an un-named source.

Each team will be given a list of rules and car qualifications. For a car to be considered, it must get at least 30 MPG. This will certainly have manufacturers scrambling.

The Focus will lead the Ford stable, but rumors are swirling about a new Festiva or Pinto.

Chevrolet's Cobalt will start the season, and Aveo will finish it.  No word on when the transition will take place. Chevrolet has also started a nationwide search for any Vegas still in existance.

Toyota is sure to be the front-runner with its Prius. This Hybrid gas-electric powerhouse should be a shoo-in for the championship.

Executives at Dodge have decided to sit out the first season so they can finally develop a car that will actually achieve 30 MPG.  

NASCAR has dusted off its international welcome mat and extended invitations to our overseas friends. Expect to see Kia's Rio, Suzuki's Reno, and Hundai's Accent in the also-ran column.

Rules for this exciting new anorexic adventure are simple:

—Gas must be paid for in cash—credit cards will not be accepted.

—Each team will be given two doughnut spares for tire changes.

—Prize money will be paid in greenbax stamps.

—Doughnut spares must be returned and greenbax can be redeemed for future gas credits or entry fees.

—Fans will enjoy free sunblock, state-of-the art lawn chairs, reduced ticket prices, and sleeping bags.

—Longer races may take a few days to finish.

Not to be outdone, NASCAR has ordered 20 Yugos to use as pace cars for the inaugural season.

It's highly unlikely they will last beyond that.

Reporting from FQU XON, I am David Yeazell.