College Football Top 10 Checklist for Week One

Did you see it?

If you've been watching the Olympics—and who hasn't watched some of it—then you could not have let the NBC promo for Notre Dame football escape unnoticed.

Did you cry? Did you faint? Did you say to yourself, "who gives a #%^%$ if it's Notre Dame, it's football, baby."

"College Football's most storied program...makes a return to the elite." Let the smack begin!

Did you just realize it's been over seven months since the last college football game (and no, ESPN's classics don't count as watching college football—it's not live!)?

Did you notice the green hues in the commercial? The somber fall atmosphere? Did you break out in a rash?

It's here, my friends: college football week. We have waited over seven months for this magical time of the year. It's now here. Relax. Inhale it. Celebrate it.

Get your checklist out.

10. Your grocery check list should include the following: brats, beef, chips, salsa, guacamole, Cheez Whiz, cold pizza, cold cuts, potato chips and ranch dip, coleslaw, potato salad, brownies, Fritos and bean dip, some sort of pulled pork for sandwiches, Alka-Seltzer, and Tylenol.

9. Hit Costco or Sam's Club: Bloody Mary Mix, vodka, celery, and beer. The Bloody Marys are for before 12 noon, beer for after. Hardcore football fans should ignore Bloody Mary mix and go straight to beer the second they roll out of bed. Wear your old raggedy football jersey so you can wipe your mouth on your sleeves and avoid having to get up and get napkins and possibly miss a close-up of cheerleaders.

8. A credit card (preferably with a zero balance and high limit) for the wife, girlfriend, or significant other to go shopping all day while your bottom is stuck in the La-Z-Boy chair. Encourage her to go to Victoria's Secret so you can check out her new purchases at halftime.

7. A large, soft pillow or couch cushion to beat your fists into when your team has apparently forgotten it's a real game and not a scrimmage. Yellow hankies to hurl at the television set are an added necessary accessory when the dreaded "offsides," "illegal procedure," "illegal substitution," "encroachment," or "false start" penalties are called on your team numerous times.

6. Your trusty old football to caress in your hands to keep you focused. Can also be used to toss through windows when the spread is 42 points and your team decides to sit on the ball for the last two minutes while leading by 40 points on the opponent's 10-yard line.

5. A new coach's shirt. Every fan must spend the requisite 65 bucks for the shirt that his favorite team's coach wears on the sideline. This is non-negotiable.

4. Adorable cheerleaders outfits for your daughters. Nothing makes a football game more complete than having your little girl dressed like a Crimson Tide cheerleader and parading around screaming, "Roll, Tide, Roll" (you trained her so well!) after you've fumbled the opening kickoff.

Save the outfits for Halloween if your team is on a win streak. Nobody will mess with her.

3. Subscription to your local cable company's college football package. Otherwise, spend 60 bucks in a bar every Saturday and then do the math. Don't get cheap. Buy the package and know that you won't miss any worthwhile football games. You're welcome.

2. A workable alarm clock. This has a two-fold function. For West Coast fans: Set your alarm for 6:45 AM so you have time to get some coffee going (don't forget to add the Kahlua to it) while you wait for the 7 AM College GameDay Show.

For East Coast fans, set your alarm clock on the snooze setting to go off every 15 minutes after 10 PM so you can keep awake and watch the Boise State, Hawai'i, and Fresno State games. Who cares if you don't follow those teams? This is your chance to watch football for 15 hours straight. Are you a fan or not?

1. A laptop computer to start the smack. Come on! You know the second your team beats Georgia Southern, you will be online looking for any article that has been written about them.

Start commenting, start blogging, start delivering some beatdowns to your team's rival—who hopefully lost—and be the obnoxious jerk we know you will be after emptying a keg of beer and having a few Bloody Marys to avoid a hangover on Sunday.

It's all about the experience. It's all about the first week of college football. You've got all this pent-up frustration, and now, in three days, you can let it all go. Enjoy it. You earned it.

And I'll be waiting for ya Thursday night.

IT'S TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!