2011 Fantasy Baseball: 6 Strategies To Improve Your Team (Humor)
As theย fantasy baseball season has mercifully drawn to a close, I thought it would be the perfect time to dispense some wisdom and advice for those who are hopelessly hooked on this game.
Call it the Goldilocks Guide, if you will.
Too early for next year, too late for this year.
Just right for those who are wallowing inย self pityย because they made the playoffs ridingย Josh Hamiltonย to that last playoff berth.
Only to watch him break a couple ribs on the eve of the finals.
Important Tip No. 1: Donโt Try to Outsmart the League Rankings.
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The experts on Yahoo!, ESPN, CBS Sports, and everywhere else are being paid to rank players and they get to spend all day, every day, doing it. You are spending way too much time on it, ignoring things you should be doing.
And you're think you're better than these guys?
Get over yourself.
Youโre not trying to build a team for 2013, so all those gems in AA ball youโve been studying for weeks wonโt do you a bit of good. Likewise, youโre not trying to build a team for 2008, so forget about all your favorites that have treated you well in the past, especially if they are over 35 and have been spending more time on the disabled list than in the lineup.
Let the experts do the work for you. It'll free up some time AND you can always blame them if it doesn't work.
It's a win-win!
Important Tip No. 2: Donโt Comment on the League Message Board.
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Nobody cares.
Nobody wants to know youโre willing to trade your third catcher for aย starting pitcher.
Nobody wants to know that you have a third catcher.
And if you misspell a word or use bad grammar, youโll be called out on it by somebody. Which brings us to Important Tip # 2A โ If you insist on posting on the message board, make sure you DO use bad grammar and misspell a few words. This will accomplish two things. 1 - People are more likely to read what you write; and 2 โ they will get a smug feeling of superiority about you which will put you in a position to outsmart them later on.
Important Tip No. 3: Never Make a Trade With Another Manager
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The player you trade will ALWAYS do better for his new team.ย The player you get in return will ALWAYS do worse.
Always.
Amazingly, this works both ways, just like when you walked to school barefoot in the snow when you were a kid. Technically, it shouldnโt be uphill both ways, but it was.
Important Tip No. 4: Never Carry More Hitters Than Are in Your Starting Lineup
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Nothing is more sickening that when your carefully chosen lineup goes 2 for 25 with a couple of singles and a caught stealing.
Unless your bench players go 5 for 8 with 2 home runs and 9 RBIโs.
Save yourself the agony by just carrying enough hitters to fill your starting lineup.
Important Tip No. 5: Do Not, I Repeat, DO NOT Check How You Did the Day Before
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In the words ofย Mark McGwire, โIโm not here to talk about the past.โ
Nothing good can come of this. Particularly if you ignore Important Tip # 4. Youโve seen the standings or where you are in a head to head match-up.
Itโs time to move forward.
Do you think youโll feel better if you discover you forgot to startย Tim Lincecumย when he threw a 3 hit shutout with 14 Kโs? Of course not.
Itโs like those horror movies when somebody opens a door or something just for a peek. Donโt peek. Thereโs nothing there but bad news.
Important Tip No. 6: The Most Important Tip of All
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If your player is going to do well, make sure heโs in the lineup.
If heโs going to have a bad day, leave him out.
The Exciting Conclusion!
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So there you have it. I hope it helps.
Itโs made my life much easier and less stressful and it can do the same for you.
Well, thatโs not entirely true. I canโt seem to follow my own advice.
And it gets me every time.
