Venky's Chicken Takes over Blackburn Rovers: New Product Ideas (Satire)

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Venky's Chicken Takes over Blackburn Rovers: New Product Ideas (Satire)
Clive Brunskill/Getty Images

The news that Indian poultry giant, Venkateshwara Hatcheries (VH) affectionately known to all as Venky’s chicken, struck a deal to take over BlackBurn Rovers, an English Premier League (EPL) team has come like a thunderbolt out of the blue.

This is a wonderful time for Indian companies making their presence felt across the international sporting arena.

The Indian Premier League is the second most expensive league in the world.

Force India is Vijay Mallya’s acquisition in the Formula 1.

And now Blackburn Rovers join the stable of notable sporting buyouts.

"Well, if you can’t beat them, let’s buy them" is a mantra that is easy to follow!

The acquisition of Blackburn Rovers and the sizable Asian population there leads Venky’s strategic marketing advisors to look for synergies between the historic footballing franchise and the poultry giant.

This is the draft of the brain-storming session procured by WikiLeaks:

A chain of Venky’s Chicken Burger restaurants and Venky’s Chicken Tikka will soon dot the Blackburn countryside.

Once Blackburn, then the country, then the rest of Europe!

(Venky’s is a preferred supplier to the Indian outlets of McDonalds, KFC, Pizza Hut and Domino's.)

The cross-breeding of English and Indian chickens could lead to some very interesting egg concepts.

A mixed breed broiler chicken would be welcomed by both Indian and British chicken lovers.

Venky’s is considering launching a chicken football league of their own; the best of the breed chickens would be a part of this super league.

Maradona is being sounded out as a possible trainer, mentor, manager and coach for this unique endeavour.

This league would happen during the EPL offseason.

Maradona is also considered a serious candidate for manager of the Rovers first side.

The chicken league would alternate between the UK and India every year.

A special kind of Easter egg for Rovers fans would be available via the BlackBurn Web site.

The eggs would be decked, decorated and painted with the club insignia and would come in two varieties: raw and hard-boiled.

Season ticket holders would receive the special poultry product free of charge.

Seasoned product specialists are working on ideas that could exploit the synergies further.

Watch this space!


Quote of the day:
A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. - Robert Frost

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