Joe Gibbs Is Offered Some Help from a Fan

Dear Joe Gibbs,

I saw on the news that you're in trouble with NASCAR. Something about magnets and cheating. What could possibly be so bad about magnets?

I have a very nice collection of magnets. I have so many that my refrigerator will only face north. Do you need me to send you some?

These are not your ordinary, run-of-the-mill magnets. No sir, these are special magnets. Collected through the years of being a true NASCAR fan.

Why, I have Joe Camel, you remember him, don’t you Joe? Folgers, Skoal, Winston, and even a Viagra magnet. That one is always pointing north for some reason. Cars? Oh, I have lots of car magnets.  

I have Luminas, Taurus, Monte Carlo’s, Grand Prix, Oldsmobile’s, Thunderbirds, AMC Matadors, Cyclones, and a nice Plymouth Super Bird.

All of these are cars of yesterday, but, they actually stick better than the car of tomorrow.

I am sure I can sell a few to help you pay those huge fines I heard about. I just don’t understand Joe; the news said it wasn’t every car in your garage.

Tony’s performance this year is certainly an indication that he might have had magnets, but Kyle has been running so well. Did you forget his magnets?

And your employee’s Joe, bless their hearts. I have never heard of NASCAR issuing a lifetime “time-out.” 

I must admit, things just are not going your way. First the Redskins thing, then Tony leaves to start his own team, and now this.

Four words Joe, "Home Depot Man Cave." One more thing Joe, I have enclosed a picture of Kyle and Chad Knaus making goo-goo eyes in the garage. You don’t suppose, naa, couldn’t be.

Reporting from somewhere in the magnetic north, I am David Yeazell.