The Best Bar in the Hockey World
It was around mid-night on a cold, winter night in the city of Toronto, Canada. A blond lady sat in a chair and sipped at a martini. It rained outside and the wind was relentless. The name of the bar was McSorley's Tavern and it was the place where some hockey players made their way after games, most of the times to drown out their sorrows of a bad play in a bottle of beer or a snifter of brandy.
So there the buxom blonde sat, just waiting for some company and perhaps, maybe a hockey player to buy her a drink and talk for a while. Then, in walked a man wearing a Pittsburgh Penguins hat, and he sat down next to her. "Can I buy you a drink?" he said.
She leaned forward and said, "I don't let people buy me drinks without telling me their name."
"My name is Kevin Stevens. I'm a winger for the Penguins." he answered.
"Oh how lovely. I'll have a bourbon on the rocks." she said. Stevens waved the bartender over and ordered the drink for her. Then after about five or six from the both of them, Stevens said, "How about you come back to my hotel room for something extra?"
"I don't know what you mean..." she said with a confused look on her face.
"You see this?" He said while pulling out a small white bag of white powder. "We can do wonders with this." he continued.
"What is it?" she said, dumbfounded.
Stevens, thinking she was fooling around with it said, "It's flour, sweet heart."
"What am I going to do with flour? Momma never taught me how to bake. I'm not a good cook." She responded.
"Listen honey, there's only one thing I wanna bake with this stuff." Stevens said.
"You have an oven at your hotel?" she said.
Stevens, sensing this was going no where said, "My God lady, are you that dumb? I'll find someone else." he shouted as he staggered out of the bar and back into the rain. "Why gee whiz, no one has ever made fun of my baking skills before."
An hour passed and a man in a Ranger hat walked over to where she was. He was darn near plastered. "Hey baby, my name's uh...uh...Theo Fleury. Can I buy you a beer, or maybe eight or ten?" he asked.
"Well I don't think I can drink that much, but how about just one?" she said.
He signaled to the bartender and ordered the beer. "Do anything exciting today?" she asked.
"Yeah, you see I play for this team called the Rangers. Earlier today, we played this team called the Islanders. I got into this fight with a guy named Cairns and you know what?" he said, almost ready to slip into unconsciousness.
"What did you do?" she asked.
"I stole his stick, went to the bench, broke it in half and threw it away!" he said, laughing until he got off the bar stool and made a drunken stammer. Then he dropped his glass of beer and did the chicken dance until falling to the ground asleep. A security guard came over and dragged him away.
Next a fat looking player came over and was even more drunk then Fleury was before. "My name is Ed Belfour..." he stammered. "But my friends call me the Eagle."
"Nice to meet you." she said. Then he reached forward and inappropriately grabbed at her loose fit shirt.
She screamed and the guard came over. "Alright pal, you've had enough." he said to Belfour as he grabbed his shoulder.
"No! I want more! Beer! Bourbon! Scotch!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.
More guards came over and knocked him to the floor. "No! No! No! Don't you know who I am?" he screamed as they hogged tied him and carried him to the cop car.
As Belfour was leaving, a sober and swift looking Rick Tocchet entered the bar. He immediately walked over to the blonde sitting at the bar. "Are you a gambling lady?" he asked.
"Well, I've been known to lay down a few bucks here and there." she responded.
Just then the the news came on a showed a story about a man about to jump off a building. "Twenty bucks says he'll jump." Tochett said.
"Okay, you're on!" she said.
The news bulletin continued and the man jumped. The lady took out her purse and handed him the twenty dollars. Tocchet took it and had a sad look on his face. "Listen lady, I can't take this from you..." he said.
"Why not?" she asked.
"See, I already saw this on the five o'clock news. I don't feel right cheating." he said, putting the money on the bar.
Then, she leaned in and said, "Well, I saw it too but I didn't think he would do it again."
Tocchet, stunned, stood up in a daze and began to make an exit when Ed Belfour broke through the handcuffs and hog-tie and attacked him, for no reason. The two men went at it on the floor until they were bloody.
When it looked as if the scuffle would end, Neil Smith stood up from a table he had been drinking at all night. Kevin Lowe was with him. "You think I should go with you, Neil?" Lowe asked.
"No, neither of them are worth fifty million dollars. You sit this one out." Smith said.
Smith headed over when Mike Danton burst through everyone and punched Smith in the face. "That's what you get you ignorant pig! If you accepted my offer to do that hit on my agent, you would have been financially set for life! That's what you get!"
Danton was escorted out along with Belfour and Tocchet. Stevens later got stoned and arrested that night. Fleury would make a full recovery and go on to play more games for the Rangers.
But Neil Smith lay on the floor, barely conscious. A EMT poured water over his face and Smith came to. "Where...where...where am I?" he asked, barely audible. The cop answered.
"You're at McSorley's Tavern."
Smith sat up and yelled, "Thank God for that! I thought I was back at the Islanders' front office..."
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