WWE Fans Are Smarter than Me

First off, let me openly admit that I am not a professional wrestling fan. That's my one shortcoming in life. You might call it lack of intellect, homophobia, or even plain old culture apathy, but I am actually repulsed by it. Do not stop reading, WWE fans, I am not insulting you or your passion.

I guess that's where I'll start from—passion. I have never met someone who barely watches wrestling. Either they don't watch it at all, like me, or their free time seems to be completely consumed by it.

Humans are not stupid, there must be a compelling and legitimate reason to watch the world's greatest sporting farce long after you realize it's fake. And don't try to tell me the fighting is real but the outcomes are set up, that's complete pap.

This passion demonstrated by many WWE fans is similar to most sports fans' devotion to their chosen sport(s) in the fact that there is a sense of accomplishment for a fan to vicariously attach their support to. I always like to think that merely my interest in an event helps that team or individual to win.

I am not alone in this belief. However crazy that is, sports fans actually believe that their clapping from the 43rd row of section R seat 29 can influence the player's motivation to try harder to win. Now, that's delusional.

The big difference is that wrestling fans actually do affect the outcome because the script writers and marketing brains will eventually identify a popular participant and ultimately give the fans what they want. If everybody likes the tag team of Danger Boy and Donkey, they will win. So, in this area, wrestling fans are smarter than me.

The second area that proves pro wrestling fans are smarter than me is the issue of steroids. I constantly lie to myself in two ways:

Lie No. 1—Steroids hurt the game (whatever sport it is);

Lie No. 2—Very few players use steroids.

Baseball was saved, temporarily, by 'roid ragers chasing the home run records. This was perfectly timed to follow an ugly strike preceded by several years of ticket revenue declines.

Football players cannot do without them. Basketball players are using them also. Shawn Bradley refused to use them due to religious beliefs and you see where it got him—119 pounds, soaking wet, and unable to compete.

Pro Wrestling fans embrace the rage. It adds another dimension to the character...Unable to control his flying fists. Steroid use is strongly encouraged in the WWE, even in women.

I have often attempted to insult pro wrestling fans by pointing out the undeniable fact that WWE and all other organizations are nothing more than musical theatre for steroid abusers. That's true, but not insulting.

Wrestling fans, don't argue this point. It is, as I said before, undeniable. Let me list the common characteristics of your high school drama club and WWE:

1. Stage

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