Spartans Suck! Why Michigan Hates MSU (But Not As Much As Ohio State)

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Spartans Suck! Why Michigan Hates MSU (But Not As Much As Ohio State)
Leon Halip/Getty Images

We here at the University of Michigan hate Spartan fans. We don't necessarily hate the school, but we hate Spartan fans. A lot of people wonder why Michigan acts the way they do toward MSU. As a lifelong Michigan fan and now an alumnus, I'm here to tell you why.

Spartans hate everything University of Michigan, even the city of Ann Arbor, calling it a place full of snobs and sexually ambivalent college students. How is East Lansing any different? Ann Arbor is called on of the greatest and most beautiful cities in the country. East Lansing, outside of the Michigan State campus (which is beautiful), looks like a seedy strip mall.

Michigan State fans call Wolverines arrogant. Is it because we choose not to talk trash? Most UM fans I know are pretty quiet, but every Spartan fan under the sun runs their mouth even in their sleep. In 2003, my brother-in-law (an avid Sparty at the time) talked junk every day for two solid months, telling me how UM sucked and he would enjoy State's victory. After Chris Perry toted the rock fifty times in a Michigan victory he suddenly disappeared. I heard from him one day the next two months. That was him coming over with his tail between his legs claiming the better team won.

Spartans also talk trash about Wal-Mart Wolverines. These 'fake fans' are loud and obnoxious, never having anything positive to say about Michigan State. They run down the school, their students, fans, and way of life. According to Spartans these Wal-Mart Wolverines are not real fans.

You know who the Wal-Mart Wolverines act like? Every Michigan State fan I've ever met! Come to think of it, I know over one hundred Spartan fans, but only of three alumni! Welcome to the party, Sav-A-Lot Sparty!

Perhaps our football players success makes State fans jealous. Michigan State has Julian Peterson, Flozelle Adams, Brian Hoyer, Drew Stanton, and the cyborg body meld that is Tico/TJ Duckett.

Michigan has Tom Brady, Chad Henne, Jake Long, Chad Hutchinson, Jeff Backus, Mario Manningham, and Braylon Edwards, among many more. In fact, Michigan is Quarterback U. Every starting Michigan signal caller since Elvis Grbac has at least had a chance to be on an NFL roster, with Brady and Henne both enjoying jobs as starters.

These are all good reason why Michigan State would hate us, but they are not the true reason. The true reason is that Michigan State fans have an inferiority complex. They hate being 'little brother' and not being Michigan's real rival. Face the facts Spartan fans. Find yourself someone else to hate, because to the University of Michigan you will always be number two. Now let's hurry up and get this game over with. We've got some important business to attend to at Ohio State.

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